There were no good news from the south, only bad news. A list of names was sent back to the tribe from the battlefield at intervals; each name representing a dead Desolate Man warrior.
The Desolate were simple and yet determined, similar in the ways of the Tangs. They could stay silent, but would not become despondent, no matter the difficulties they faced. Even if the situation was harsh, the women would still hum songs while washing and hunting.
As time passed, the situation in the south grew more and more desperate. The intervals between each list, and the length of those lists grew longer and longer. The old, the weak and the women left behind in the tribe did not have the mood to sing anymore. The entire plains grew quieter and the atmosphere grew more and more repressive with every passing night. One could hear the vague sounds of people crying. Even the strongest Desolate woman could not help but feel sorrowful when she saw the name of her son on the list.
One day, the Desolate woman in charge of caring for Ning Que and Sangsang finally saw her son’s name on the list. She began to cry, and the women around her gathered around to comfort her.
Ning Que let the heavy door blinds of the tent down and walked back to the bed to continue giving medicine to Sangsang. Sangsang drank two mouthfuls and stopped. She looked up at him and said, “What’s the point of us hiding here? I’m going to die anyway.”
“There’s no need to feel guilty. The Desolate are like us; no one would stand for their existence. Even if they had not taken us in, the West-Hill Divine Palace and the countries in the Central Plains would not allow them to live.” Ning Que said.
Sangsang shook her head lightly and said, “But if we hadn’t come, they would not die so quickly.”
With that, she spread out her palm and stared at the black chess piece in a daze. The chess piece was the last one she had left from that match at the Lanke Temple.
The number of deaths in the tribe increased and her sickness worsened. The tent grew colder and a layer of frost spread over everything. Only the black chess piece in her hand remained warm and moist as before.
Ning Que hugged her against himself and said, “Don’t worry. Even if the Desolate cannot hold on any longer, we can still head to the north. We can visit the Hot Sea and look at the sights. Eldest Brother said that even if the sea froze over, we could still catch a few variable platyfish if we break through the ice. The old yellow bull likes them a lot, so they must taste pretty good.”
Sangsang said, “You know I’m not worried about that.”
Ning Que kept silent.
Sangsang said softly, “We escaped from Lanke Temple to the Xuankong Temple, and then from the Wilderness to Chaoyang City and then back to the Wilderness again. Then, we made it here. I’m tired of running…”
Ning Que was about to say something but was stopped by Sangsang.
Sangsang said, “In Chaoyang City, you told me this. The future and death are actually very similar. If it is already predestined, then there is no point in worrying. If it could be changed, then there is no need to worry. We just have to work hard at changing it.”
Ning Que said, “That’s what Teacher said.”
Sangsang replied, “The world is very big, but if there is really nowhere for us to live in, then we both know that the situation cannot be altered anymore. Then why should we worry? Death means that there is no future. Shouldn’t we learn to accept things if we can’t change anything?”
Ning Que smiled and said, “Well said.”
Sangsang lowered her head bashfully.
Ning Que told her, “I never thought that my Sangsang would be so ladylike now.”
Sangsang replied, “I am but just a little handmaiden.”
Ning Que said, “Let’s not mention that Grand Secretary Zeng Jing is your biological father. You are a lady of Yama’s family. There is no one else more noble than you on Earth.”
Sangsang did not reply to that because she knew that he wanted to change the topic. She said, “I do not wish to hide anymore.”
After a long silence, Ning Que asked, “Why? Do you feel uneasy? Or do you think that we are like rats on the street? I told you when we were little, that no matter whether we lived like gutter rats that everyone hates, or poisonous snakes that everyone is afraid of, we should still be that to live on.”
Sangsang said, “I know that I cannot live for a long time. Since this is so, then why should we live as rats or snakes? If you think that this is called being uneasy, then let it be so.”
“Perhaps we are destined to live in such difficulty.”
“What is destiny?”
“A Lucky Chance?”
“Teacher once said that I was his Lucky Chance. Then what is mine?”
“Your Lucky Chance is me, of course.”
“Don’t joke around. I don’t know why, but I feel like I should head south now.”
“You’ll die if you head south.”
“I will die if I don’t anyway.”
“You’ve got a point.”
Ning Que actually knew that if Sangsang appeared on the battleground in the south of the Wilderness, death would not be the most likely thing to happen, but something even more terrifying than that.
He said, “Everyone says that we should live noisily and die alone. If you were to die, then we should have a lively and noisy ceremony. Furthermore, we might find a way to live on the way to death.”
Sangsang saw that he was agreeing with her and smiled happily.
Even though they did not know entirely what was happening on the battlefield in the south, it was evident from the atmosphere in the Desolate Man’s tribe that the situation was getting tense. Even the women in the tribe were prepared to don leather armor and weapons, as they prepared for the possibility of joining the battle front line at any time.
Ning Que’s earliest plan was to make use of the Desolate Man’s tribe to hold off the Central Plains allied troops. Then, he would see if Sangsang’s condition would improve before taking her to the Cold Region of the Far North. They must not be caught by the powerhouses of the two sects, even if they had to live like savages by the Hot Sea. However, Sangsang’s condition did not improve, but took a turn for the worse instead. Furthermore, Sangsang did not wish to be on the run anymore. As such, the plan was scrapped.
After making the decision, and perhaps because she could finally feel at ease, Sangsang began to feel better. She was no longer as lethargic as before; although the cold aura in her body grew even stronger, she began to gain an appetite, able to eat almost a full bowl serving of meat porridge.
Ning Que boiled a pot of water and bathed her. Sangsang sat in the large pot, the cold aura in her body spreading out. The crackling firewood beneath the pot only continued burning through the use of Fire Fu talismans.
“If others saw this, they’d definitely think that I’m stewing you for dinner.”
Ning Que rubbed her hair and said laughingly.
Sangsang laughed heartily and said, “Being smelly is not tasty.”
Ning Que said, “My Sangsang is the most delicious.”
Sangsang replied, “Then why haven’t you eaten me up yet?”
Ning Que laughed and said, “Well, you’re always sick.”
Sangsang looked up, and said to him in all seriousness with wide eyes, “If you don’t eat me, then soon, you won’t have a chance to do so anymore.”
Ning Que pressed her head down and said, “You know that I don’t like eating meat.”
Sangsang said mournfully, “I let you have all the meat when we lived in the City of Wei as children. In Chang’an, you stuck by sister Dewdrop. How can you say you don’t like meat?”
Ning Que had no retort for her and did not reply. He took out a towel and wrapped her tightly before carrying her to bed. Then, he carefully wiped away the beads of water that had already frozen over and took out cosmetic powder from the Chenjinji Cosmetics Store, dabbing it evenly on her face.
Sangsang looked into the mirror at her gradually whitened face. She sighed and said, “I used to think that I was tanned. Then, I turned paler and paler after I became ill. I’m tanned again now. This tanning and paling is so inconsistent and so troublesome.”
Ning Que helped her to draw her brows after dabbing on the powder. He replied without thinking, “My Sangsang can be pale or tanned as she chooses. She’s beautiful with or without thick make-up.”
Sangsang said, “Ning Que, you’re getting more and more shameless. You don’t even bat an eyelid while saying such a huge lie.”
Ning Que looked at the clean little face in front of him and at her eyebrows which were as dark as ink, and her short hair that was like grass blades. He leaned down and kissed her forehead and then again on her cold lips. He said, “You are always beautiful.”
Sangsang was a little abashed, but still looked at him bravely and kissed him back.
Ning Que smiled and helped her into her undergarments. He stuck on a few Fire Fus before dressing her in thick cotton clothing. He then whistled towards the outside of the tent and looked at her silently. Then, he asked, “Shall we leave?”
Sangsang nodded and answered, “Let’s go.”
Ning Que said, “Then let’s leave.”
They left after that. They did not need any reasons and left only because they did not want to stay anymore. Ning Que and Sangsang rejected the Desolate Man’s tribe earnest request for them to stay and their attempts at stopping them. They left on the horse carriage and headed south.
—They had arrived after many difficulties but left suddenly. It was just like how they had waited an entire winter for Eldest Brother in Chaoyang City and then parted right after meeting him.
This might seem absurd and almost like a child’s game. However, it was a choice made when faced with an absolute dilemma. The carefreeness was all an act and they actually felt a cold despair. No matter how big the world was, they had nowhere to go. They fled without a destination, which made it meaningless.
Sangsang, who was gravely ill, no longer wished to flee. As such, Ning Que did not flee anymore. They and the cold aura surrounding them headed to the battlefield in the south. It was at the moment they decided not to flee when they regained their freedom, in the time they had left on Earth.
They had been forced to flee for their lives and were forced to leave. Everything they had done in the battle between light and darkness was forced onto them. Calmly headed towards death; only at this moment did they make a voluntary choice. That was because death was the only true representation of eternity, and that was a being higher than both light and darkness.
Sangsang had already seen her own ending and knew that she could not escape it. That was why she was very calm. Ning Que had understood this and the reasons behind it. Or perhaps, one could say that he had lost all hopes with regards to Sangsang’s illness. That was why he was no longer fearful nor sad, and could start to calm down.
The Big Black Horse could not calm down. It stepped on green grass and smelled the wildflowers. It carried several thick pieces of leather on its back, but could not prevent the assault of cold air coming from the carriage. Its legs had long lost any sensation from the cold; it felt frightened and uneasy.
The black horse carriage left the Desolate Man’s tribe. The thick black cloud in the sky began to move, enshrouding the Wilderness which was entering late spring, causing the green grass on the plains to darken.
There were over ten black crows flying behind the horse carriage. They were much more silent than before, perhaps because of the lowered temperatures caused by the growing cold aura emanating from Sangsang.