Gillian felt triumph, wild excitement-and something deeper. An emotion she couldn't describe because
there weren't any ordinary words for it. David was looking at her, and it was almost as if she could see
through his dark eyes. As if she could see inside him... see the way things looked to him...
What she felt was a little like discovery and a little like deja vu and a little like waking up and suddenly
realizing it's Christmas. Or like being a kid lost in a strange place, cold and bewildered, and then
suddenly hearing your mother's voice. But it really wasn't like any of those things; it was more.
Unexpected welcome... strange recognition... the shock of belonging...
She couldn't quite put it all together, because
there was nothing like it in her experience. She'd never heard of anything like this. But she had the feeling
that when David kissed her, she'd figure it all out and it would be the revelation of her life.
It was going to happen-now. He was moving clser to her, not fast, but as if slowly compelled by
something he couldn't control. Gillian had to look down, but she didn't move back or turn her face away.
He was close enough now that she could hear his breath and feel him. Her eyes shut of their own accord.
She waited to feel the touch of warmth on her lips...
And then something in her mind stirred. A tiny whisper, so far back that she could barely hear it, and she
couldn't tell where it came from.
Tanya.
The shock went through Gillian like ice on bare skin. Part of her tried to ignore it, but she was already
pulling away, putting a hand up, turning to stare at the window.
Not out the window. It was too steamed up now to see anything outside. They were in their own
cocoon of whiteness.
Gillian said, "I can't. I mean, not like this. I mean-it isn't fair, because you already-and you haven't ... I
mean... Tanya."
"I know." David sounded as if he'd been hit with ice on bare skin, or as if he'd come up from deep water
and was looking around dazedly. "I mean, you're right. I don't know what I was...
It just-it was like I forgot... Look, I'm sure that sounds stupid. You don't believe me."
"I do believe you." At least he sounded as incoherent as she did. He wouldn't think she was a total fool;
her facade wasn't broken.
"I'm not that kind of guy. I mean, it looks like I am, right here, it looks exactly like I am. But I'm not. I
mean I never-I'm not like Bruce Faber. I don't do that. I made a promise to Tanya and ..."
Oh, God, Gillian thought. And then a sort of inward scream: (Help!)
(I was wondering when you'd remember me.)
(He made her a promise!)
(I'm sure he did. They've been going together a while.)
(But that's terrible!)
(No, it's admirable. What a guy. Now say you've got to get to school.)
(I can't. I can't think. How are we going to-)
(School first.)
Dully, Gillian said, "I guess we'd better get moving."
"Yeah." There was a pause, and then David put the car in gear.
They drove in silence, and Gillian sank deeper and deeper into depression. She'd thought it would be so
easy-just show David her new self and everything would fall into place. But it wasn't like that. He couldn't
just dump Tanya.
(Don't worry about it, kid. I have a cunning plan.)
(But what?)
(I'll tell you when it's time.)
(Angel-are you mad at me? Because I forgot about you?)
(Of course not. I'm here to arrange things so you can forget me.)
(Then-because I forgot about Tanya for a while? I don't want to do anything that's wrong...)
(I'm not mad! Heads up. You're there.)
Gillian couldn't push away the feeling that he was mad, though. Or at least surprised. As if something
unexpected had happened.
But she didn't have time to dwell on it. She had to get out of David's car and gather herself and face the
high school.
"I guess-I'll see you later," David said as she reached for the door handle. His voice made it a question.
"Yeah. Later," Gillian said. She didn't have the energy for anything more. She glanced back- once-to see
him staring at the steering wheel.
She could see people staring at her as she walked to the school building. It was a new sensation and it
gave her a spasm of anxiety.
Were they laughing at her? Did she look silly, was she walking wrong somehow?
(Just breathe and walk.) Angel's voice sounded
amused. (Breathe-walk-head up-breathe...)
Gillian somehow got through halls and up stairs to her U.S. history class without meeting another
student's eyes once.
There, arriving just as the bell rang, she realized she had a problem. Her history textbook, along with all
her notes, was floating somewhere down toward West Virginia.
With relief, she caught Amy's eye and headed toward the back of the classroom.
"Can I share your book? My whole backpack went in the creek." She was a little afraid Amy might be
miffed or jealous at the way she'd run off with David, but Amy didn't seem to be either. She seemed
more-awed-as if Gillian were some force like a tornado that you might fear, but that you couldn't get mad
at.
"Sure." Amy waited until Gillian had scooted her desk closer, then whispered, "How come it took you
so long to get to school? What were you and David doing?"
Gillian rummaged for a pen. "How do you know we weren't picking up Tanya?"
"Because Tanya was here at school looking for David."
Gillian's heart flip-flopped. She pretended to be very interested in history.
But she gradually noticed that some of the other students were looking at her. Especially the boys. It was
the sort of look she'd never imagined getting from a boy.
But these were all juniors, and none of them was in the really popular clique. All that would change in
Gillian's next class, biology. Half a dozen of the most popular kids would be there. David would be
there-and Tanya.
Gillian felt, with a sudden chill, that she might not really care anymore. What did it matter what other
people thought of her if she couldn't have David? But she had a fundamental faith in Angel. Somehow
things had to work out-if she just stayed calm and played her part.
When the bell rang, she hurried away from Amy's questioning eyes and into the bathroom. She needed a
moment to herself.
(Do something to your lipstick. It seems to have gone away somehow.) Angel sounded as puzzled as
any human boy.
Gillian fixed the lipstick. She ran a comb through her hair. She was somewhat reassured by the sight of
herself in the mirror. The girl there wasn't Gillian at all, but a slender, insubstantial femme fatale sheathed
like a dagger in black. The girl's hair was silky, the palest of all possible golds. Her violet eyes were
subtly shadowed so they looked mysterious, haunting. Her mouth was soft, red, and full: perfect, like the
mouth of a model in a lipstick commercial. Against the stark black of her clothing, her skin had the slightly
translucent look of apple blossoms.
She's beautiful, Gillian thought. And then to Angel: (I mean, I am. But I need ... a Look, don't you think?
An expression for when people are
staring at me. Like, am I Bored or Slightly Amused or Aloof or Completely Oblivious or what?)
(How about Thoughtful? As if you've got your own inner world to pay attention to. It's true, you know.
You do.)
Gillian was pleased. Thoughtful, absorbed in herself, listening to the music of the spheres-or the music of
Angel's voice. She could do that. She settled the canvas bag on her shoulder and started toward her
locker.
(Uh, where are you going?) (To get my biology book. I still have that.) (No, you don't.)
Gillian maintained her Thoughtful expression, while noting that heads turned as she walked down the hall.
(Yes, I do.)
(No, you don't. Due to circumstances entirely beyond your control, you lost your biology book and all
your notes. You need to sit with somebody else and share his.)
Gillian blinked. (I-oh. Oh, yeah, you're right. I lost my biology book.)
The door of the biology lab loomed like the gate to hell, and Gillian had trouble keeping Thoughtful
pinned to her face. But she managed to walk through it and into the quiet buzz that was a class before a
bell was about to ring.
(Okay, kid. Go up front and tell Mr. Wizard you need a new book. He'll take care of the rest.)
Gillian did as Angel said. As she stood beside Mr. Leveret and told her story she sensed a new
quietness in the classroom behind her. She didn't look back and she didn't raise her voice. By the time