A sudden thought made me stiffen and push away from Damien's embrace. Anything just might be possible much sooner than I'd thought.
"You didn't use a condom," I said.
He didn't so much as blink. He didn't curse or cry or run or exhibit any of the other typically male reactions to such a statement.
"I know."
"You... know?" I sat up. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? You could have gotten me pregnant, stud boy."
"No." He sighed. "I couldn't. I mean I can't. I won't."
Now he cursed, then ran his fingers through his hair and got out of bed. "I'm sorry. This probably isn't the best time to tell you, but I can't get you pregnant."
"Why not?"
"They tell me it's medically impossible."
I wanted to ask, Who told you? When? Have you seen a specialist? What exactly is the problem?
But the way he held his shoulders, as if he expected questions and didn't want to answer them, made me hesi-tate. I didn't like to talk about the scars on my back. Maybe Damien didn't care to discuss the scars within himself. I could respect that.
"Well, there goes my white picket fence dream," I quipped.
It had been a stupid dream anyway.
Damien's eyes narrowed; his head tilted. He was too damned perceptive. Before he could question me, I blurted, "Why did you use a condom in the first place?"
"Pregnancy isn't the only concern."
Well, duh. Now I cursed.
"You don't have to worry about me," he said quickly. "I'm clean. I swear."
"Me, too," I whispered.
Silence settled between us. Clinical conversations appeared to be a great mood killer. Fancy that.
"Leigh?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you."
I could only stare at him for several ticks of the clock. "You... you can't love me. You just met me."
He smiled sadly. "I've been waiting my whole life for you."
"That's nuts."
"I know."
"You're blinded by great sex."
"No, Leigh, I'm blinded by you."
I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing at all. Damien sat down on the bed and ran a palm over the shorn ends of my hair.
"I always knew that when I met the woman for me, I'd look at her once and think, 'Here she is.' I was right."
"You know nothing about me."
"You're wrong. I know you're brave and strong, loyal."
"You make me sound like a Labrador retriever."
He ignored my mutterings. "You're sexy and sweet, caring. Beautiful, and a little bit sad. I wish you'd trust me with what makes you sigh when you think no one's listening."
Did I do that? Probably. I wished I could trust him, too. But if I told him my secrets, I'd have to kill him.
Ha-ha.
"You've got secrets of your own, Damien."
"Yeah, I do."
"Are you going to trust me with them?"
"I can't."
We were in the same boat. Figures.
I took his hand. Ran my thumb over his silver ring, remembered what Jessie had said about the power eater. How could I ask him if he was a werewolf? It wasn't like asking him if he was married, divorced, or currently single.
He didn't feel like a werewolf. I know that sounds odd. But werewolves have evil hearts. They don't start out that way, of course. They start out like you and me. When they're bitten, the virus changes them, both physically and mentally. Sure they seem like people, but inside there's a demon panting to get out.
I'd researched this, countless times during long nights when I shouldn't sleep. Demons lived -
everywhere.
How could Damien love me if his heart was full of hate? He couldn't. But I'd recognized love in his eyes.
I'd seen the expression once before. An expression I'd never thought to see again.
I wished I could tell him I loved him, too, but I couldn't. Not until my old life was dead.
He put his fingers over my lips, shook his head. "How about that shower?" he asked.
My mouth curved. I kissed his hand, then took it in my own and led him to the water.
I left Damien asleep on the bed. We'd made love in the shower. He had scratches on both his shoulders and an imprint of my teeth on his neck. I guess I couldn't sneer at Jessie and Will anymore.
I managed to make it to my apartment and change out of my dirty clothes before Will pulled up in a Jeep.
I squeezed into the backseat.
"Not taking the official Crow Valley cruiser?" I asked.
Will shook his head. "Cora wouldn't appreciate a cop car in front of her place. All the neighbors would wonder what she did this time."
This time?
I looked forward to meeting Cora Kopway more with every passing moment.
"So what were you up to while we were gone?" Jessie asked.
"Sleeping."
She glanced over her shoulder, winked. "Us, too."
I couldn't help but smile. It had been a long, long time since I'd had a girlfriend. Jessie and I would probably never have met or become close in my other life. That would have been a big loss. I liked her more than I would ever say.
"How's the shoulder?" I asked.
"I'll live."
"Sore?"
"Yeah. But at least it's not my gun hand."
Trust Jessie to worry about the important things in life.
She turned so her back was to the window, wincing a bit at the movement. "I talked to Elwood."
Uh-oh.
"He checked with all his cronies. Talked to the gas sta-tion attendants, real estate agents, anyone who might have noticed a new guy in town. No one's seen Hector."
I frowned. That was weird.
"Which doesn't mean you're crazy," Jessie hastened to assure me. "It just means he's keeping a low profile."
For the first time in a long time I didn't feel crazy. I felt... good. I kept thinking: What if?
What if I killed Hector?
What if Damien really loved me?
What if I loved him?
He couldn't give me children. Or so he said. But there were new advances in medicine every day. What if he could be cured?
Then everything I'd ever wanted could come true.
"Leigh?"
I focused on Jessie. She appeared concerned.
"You wanna stay with me here?"
"I'm sorry. Did you say something?"
She rolled her eyes. "Get your head out of the bedroom and listen. Even if the white wolf isn't Hector, we still have to find and kill it."
"I'm in complete agreement."