She stared at him. He was talking about an abortion. It was an ugly word, and an ugly deed. She knew little about childbirth, but she had watched a documentary about abortion and wondered how anyone could kill a living fetus. She had done some brutal things in the course of her existence, but she had never preyed upon the young or the helpless. Or the unborn.
Placing her hand over her stomach, she tried to imagine a child growing inside her womb. Kyle’s child. A little boy with her black hair and Kyle’s gray eyes. “No, not that.” She couldn’t kill her own child.
“What are you going to do, then?”
“I don’t know.”
She didn’t want to be human again, didn’t know how to be human. She knew there were vampires who hated what they were, who spent their entire existence lamenting their lost humanity. They were among the most miserable creatures she had ever known. She had never been one of them. Once she’d accepted what had happened to her, she had made the most of it. True, she had killed her sire, not for turning her against her will, but for abandoning her once the deed had been done.
Human again. How could she survive without her preternatural powers? Others of her kind had envied her strength and her longevity. In the course of her existence, she had made a good number of enemies. Secure in her strength, knowing she was virtually indestructible, she had blithely said and done as she pleased and to hell with the consequences. But now . . . now she had little supernatural strength. She was nearly as vulnerable as any mortal female. Even Ramsden had sensed it. In time, would she lose what little preternatural power she had left?
She glanced at Logan. Should she have confided in him? Was she being foolish to trust him? She had never trusted anyone. How could she start now, when she was weak, helpless? If she wanted to survive, she was going to have to consider everyone her enemy. And what about her doctor? Dared she trust him? Vampires were notoriously suspicious of their own kind, jealous of their hunting grounds, protective of their lairs.
She wondered how many of those she had turned were still alive, how many men she had thoughtlessly offended might still carry a grudge.
She shrugged off her fears. Worrying wouldn’t solve anything. The world was a big place. She had rarely run into any of the men she had turned.
Logan pulled into her driveway and cut the engine, then turned to face her. “Do you know who the father is?”
“Of course!”
He lifted one brow. “So, are you gonna tell me his name?”
She shook her head. “You don’t know him.”
“But he’s human?”
“That’s a stupid question! Of course he is.”
“So, where is he?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does he know about the baby?”
“No. And I’m not going to tell him,” she said, anticipating his next question. “Can we not talk about this right now?”
Even though the bond between them was gone, Logan had no trouble reading her thoughts. She was worried, confused, and more distrustful than ever. He could hear the rapid beat of her heart, smell the panic she was trying to hide. He supposed he couldn’t blame her. She was treading where no vampire had journeyed before. It was bound to be disturbing. As for losing her powers, he couldn’t begin to imagine what that would be like, could scarcely remember what it had been like to walk the earth as a mortal man.
Resting his arm along the back of her seat, he lightly stroked her hair. “You’ve nothing to fear from me. You know that, don’t you?”
“I don’t know anything anymore,” she replied sullenly. “I just want this to be over!”
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
Taking the key from the ignition, Logan got out of the car. Opening her door, he offered her his hand, felt a brief flare of annoyance when she hesitated before placing her palm in his. He told himself to be patient. He had loved her from the moment they met, and that hadn’t changed. He knew she was fond of him; in her own way, she might even love him. But things were different now. For the first time in their long acquaintance, she needed him. And she didn’t like it one little bit.
“Are you going to be all right?” he asked.
“How should I know? This has never happened to me before.”
“Maybe you should come home with me.”
“Not tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She needed to be alone, to come to terms with what was happening to her. Mortal. Pregnant. Impossible. “Thank you for your help.”
“I still think you should come home with me tonight.”
“I need some time alone, time to sort all this out.”
Logan nodded. He could understand that, but he didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone, not now, when she was as vulnerable as a new fledgling. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. If you need me before then, give me a call.”
“Yes, I will.” She stood on the front porch, watching as he got into his car and drove away.
She was pregnant. It had never occurred to her to ask Kyle to take precautions, but why would it? Vampires couldn’t reproduce. Everyone knew that. Only, she wasn’t a true vampire anymore.
She went inside, careful to lock the door behind her. Fear was a new emotion, one she instantly despised. But she was safe in her house. She had never invited any of the Undead into this place. As long as she stayed inside at night, she would be safe from most of the vampire community. To her knowledge, there was only a handful of vampires who were old enough and strong enough to endure the sun’s light. She didn’t think she had anything to fear from Roshan’s family, but what if there were others who could walk in the daylight that she didn’t know about? Secrets were hard to maintain in the vampire community, but not impossible. Gossip spread like wildfire. She didn’t know how many of her enemies still existed. If any of them learned of her vulnerability, she would be helpless to defend herself.
Maybe she was worrying for nothing. Maybe she wasn’t losing her powers. Going into the living room, she stood in front of the hearth and willed the fire to light. Nothing happened.
She closed her eyes and tried to find her link to Rane. Nothing. It was the same with Rafe and Vince and Roshan. She didn’t know why her failures surprised her. If she could no longer feel her bond to Logan, a connection that was older and stronger than her bond to any of the others of her kind, then it was a safe bet that her link to the Cordova family had vanished, as well.