Maci laughed, and leaned in to steal another kiss when I quickly pulled away from her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Smiling, I brushed back a few strands of her hair that had fallen forward. “Good night, Maci Price.”
With a wink, she turned and waited for Amber to join her before heading downstairs. Once everyone else began dispersing, I glanced over at Dakota and Dylan to see them watching me. Holding back a sigh, I headed downstairs as well and took the room I usually occupied.
Since I hadn’t taken the time to pack anything, I put everything on me on one of the nightstands, left my jeans on, and pulled my shirts off before climbing into bed. And for the first time since I’d made Maci cry, sleep came quickly.
JOLTING UP IN bed, I stopped reaching for my gun and blew out a deep breath when I saw Maci shutting and locking my door. The air rushed from my lungs at seeing her standing there, and I had to wonder if I was dreaming for a minute. A residual ache deep in my chest kept the reminder of what I’d done to her . . . but even through my sleep-fueled haze, I remembered driving up to Mammoth and fighting to get her back.
“Mace, what are you doing?” I asked when she started moving from the door toward my bed.
“I need to be with you . . . I need to know this isn’t all a dream.”
My lips quirked up on one side, knowing I’d just been thinking the same thing; and even as I grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to me, I shook my head. “Your dad is going to kill me if he finds you in here.”
She made a scoffing noise. “He hasn’t checked on us once tonight, and he’s snoring loud enough that I doubt he’ll be up anytime soon.”
“Maci . . .” I began in warning, but she moved so she was straddling me, and pressed her fingers against my lips.
“Please, Connor. I need to know I didn’t just imagine everything. I need . . . I need to hear you say it again.”
Kissing her fingers softly, I removed her hand from my face and gripped the back of her neck to pull her closer so I could look into her eyes. “Hear what? That you own me? That I love you? That I’m a fucking idiot for ever thinking I could live without you, even if it was what’s best for you?”
Even in the darkness, I could see the brightness in her eyes from the tears gathering there. When one slipped down her cheek, I used my free hand to wipe it away and searched her face for a long while.
“I’m sorry for ever making you cry,” I whispered, “and I’m sorry for taking so damn long to realize what you mean to me. I swear to you I’ll spend the next seventy years making up for all the time with you I’ve lost.”
“Seventy?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion even though she was smiling. “You think we’ll last that long?”
“I know we will,” I vowed.
“We drive each other crazy.”
“I like our kind of crazy.”
“We’re always fighting,” she argued.
“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”
“It’s only been a month.”
“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”
A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.
How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”
And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.
“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”
I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-who?”
“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”
“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.
With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.
When I finished telling her everything, Maci studied my face for a long time before asking, “Do you still feel anything for her?” I shook my head, and began to respond, but she continued talking. “That’s a really intense reaction to have to another girl, you can’t tell me that after six months of the ‘Zombie Connor’ that suddenly there’s nothing left for her now.”
“She wasn’t you, Maci. I told you about my fears, and the nightmares that I have. I’d thought that Cassidy was the only one that would understand that and not judge me for it, because I didn’t want to put that kind of life on someone who hadn’t lived it. As fucked up as that seems . . . but I was wrong. And, if you think what you saw over the last six months was bad, you should have seen me after I made you believe I didn’t want you. I’d felt numb after Cassidy . . . but thought I was dying after what I did to you. I didn’t think I’d find someone to make me feel anything again after her . . . but didn’t know how I was supposed to live without you. Do you see the difference?”
“What if she came back?”
“She won’t,” I assured her.
“But what if she were to. What would you do?”
I looked into Maci’s eyes, and told her honestly, “I would thank her for inadvertently showing me that I deserved the life I want to have with you.”
Maci’s lips were on me fast and hard, and though I wanted nothing more than to kiss her forever, I forced our mouths apart and waited until she was looking at me again.
“I need to know what you think about everything you know now. My past, my fears for the future, Cassidy . . .” I trailed off.
She thought for a second, her lips pursing as her eyes got a faraway look. “I understand why you have your fears, but I know you and know that you won’t turn into him. I will never know what it was like to grow up the way you and Amy did, but I hate it for you and I’m here if you ever need to just talk about it. As for Cassidy . . . I’ve watched you change completely over the last month. If there were lingering feelings for her, you’d still be a zombie, so I believe you when you say there’s not.” I kissed her softly, and laughed when she whispered against my mouth, “Besides, if she came back, you really think I wouldn’t kick her ass if she tried to take you from me?”
“Nothing will keep me from you again.”
“I’m holding you to that,” she said softly before pressing her mouth to mine again.
The kiss was slow, but heated. After pulling down the zipper on her hoodie, and pushing it off her, I pulled the strap of her thin shirt over her shoulder, and left a trail of open-mouthed kisses across her collarbone. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and she shivered against me as her hands went to the jeans I was still wearing.
“Didn’t have anything to change into?” she teased.
“Don’t, Maci. If your dad walks in, he’ll kill me for what I’m already doing to you.”
“He won’t.”
“One of your brothers is in the room next to mine.”
Her hands didn’t stop as she undid the button and zipper. “Not right now, both Dakota and Dylan went to one of the bars in town to calm down and probably get some girls for a few hours.”
“They could be back soon—fuck,” I groaned when she freed me from my jeans, and grabbed my length in her hands.
“Stop trying to come up with reasons not to, no one is coming in or going to hear us. And after everything, I need you. Please, Connor,” she begged in a small voice.
A low growl built up in my chest, and I pulled her off me to lay her down on the bed. Ridding myself the rest of the way of my jeans, I pulled off her sweats and underwear at the same time, and parted her legs as I laid my body on top of hers. “I fucking love it when you beg.”
A slow, coy smile spread across her face. “I know.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile before I crushed my mouth to hers, teasing her tongue with mine as I slid inside her. I swallowed her whimper, and pushed in deeper when her fingers dug into my back. I wanted to claim her; I wanted to have to quiet her screams. But the second my lips moved down her neck, and she whispered my name . . . everything changed. My movements slowed, and the air between us went from urgent and needy to something so much more.