Pity. I'm finally uninhibited, but have no sex drive.
“Oh yeah, like, multiple times. He went down on me, had me go down on him. We had sex in the bed, in the shower, on the balcony, all over that room. I came more times in that one night than I have in … I don't know, years? Forever,” Misch stated. Lacey turned bright red.
“I know it's wrong, but that sounds awesome,” she whispered. Mischa laughed out loud.
“It kinda was. At least until the next morning. Then I went home and it hit me, what I had done. I hated myself, Lace. I think that's another thing, another reason why I couldn't stop it. When I was with him, I forgot to hate myself,” Misch tried to explain.
“You don't have to hate yourself. Now c'mon, I wanna hear all about your sexcapades,” Lacey clapped her hands together.
So Misch blabbed. She'd been dying to talk about her experiences, really. She told Lacey about the time on the beach. About the time in the bathroom at the restaurant, about the guy watching them. About another time, when Tal actually tied her wrists to the bed posts. She'd never been tied down before; it had felt amazing.
“I've never been tied down, either,” Lacey confessed.
“Try it. I don't think you'll be disappointed.”
“Do you have a picture of this sex god?”
Mischa worried her lip again. She actually did have a picture of Tal. She wasn't sure when he'd done it, but some time between leaving her, and her leaving Istanbul, he had gotten into her room. Put some pictures in her bag.
There was the one of him in his army days, the one she had seen at his house, and then another one. The “love-slash-hate” one, as she called it in her mind. Loved it because it was of the two of them. They were walking down a street in Rome. She was wearing her fedora and sunglasses, a fitted tee and shorts. Always showing her legs for him. He had his arm around her waist, his thumb hooked inside her shorts, and she was molded to his side, just the way he always liked to walk with her. Tal was smiling, his head tilted down a little, and towards her. She was looking straight ahead, and was smiling broadly, as well. It was a great picture, caught them in that timeless space where they had been in love for a moment.
She hated it because it was a surveillance picture. Hated it because it had been taken without her knowledge. Hated it because Tal had written on the back of it.
“Don't forget us.”
She brought the photos out to Lacey, who oohhed and aahhed over them.
“Good god, Misch, he's fucking gorgeous,” Lacey sounded like she was about to drool.
“That he was. Even better naked,” she assured her friend.
“Really!?”
“Oh yeah. Like wow.”
“Like wow wow?”
“Like oh-my-god-it's-so-big-it-might-not-fit wow.”
Misch laughed as Lacey turned an even darker shade of red.
“That's, uh, that's good,” Lacey coughed out.
“It was better than good. And his body, Lace, UG, his body. Sickening. He was in the army before and he worked out like a mad man, it was phenomenal,” Misch groaned, flopping backwards over the arm of the couch. She had thought talking about Tal would be hard, but it actually felt good. If he'd been there, he would've gotten a kick out of it, would probably do a little strip tease for the girls. It made Misch feel close to him.
“Sounds great.”
Misch realized her friend was almost whispering, so she sat upright. Looked over the other girl's face. Lacey was looking down at the photos, frowning. She looked sad. She looked about to cry.
“I'm sorry, Lace. God, me and my big mouth. I told you, I'm a bad person. And it's not like Tal being sexy takes away from Mikey being sexy – he's still sexy. He'll probably always be sexy, and he was great in bed,” Misch babbled.
“Why'd you do it? Honestly. What made you decide to do it?” Lacey demanded, wiping at her eyes. Mischa winced.
“I was unhappy. I was lonely. I felt like I had nowhere to go. Mike wouldn't listen. I kept telling him something was wrong, he kept insisting things were fine. I'm not blaming him, I'm not. Not anymore. I should've had some balls. But I think … I mean, I know, I thought I could just get away with it. I know, I know, that sounds awful. I just finally gave up, you know? I wanted to feel desired. I wanted to feel sexy. So I decided to go out and find someone who would make me feel that way. I just didn't count on finding someone I'd want to hold onto,” Misch tried to explain.
When she finished, she realized Lacey was crying in earnest. The glossy surveillance photo was pressed to her face and she was sobbing into it. Mischa leapt off the couch and pulled the photos away before grabbing some tissue. Then she sat down right at Lacey's feet and grabbed her hand.
“I'm sorry,” Lacey hiccuped and cried.
“Don't be. I am. I'm sorry I was so weak. I'm sorry I hurt him. I really, really am. I'm sorry I did things the way I did,” Mischa tried to say something, anything, that would calm the other girl down.
“I'm a bad friend,” Lacey wailed.
“No, no you're not. Anyone would've reacted the way you did, you're not,” Misch promised her.
“No, not that.”
“Then what's wrong?”
“I wish you would've talked to me,” Lacey sobbed. “About anything. About how you were feeling. I thought you and Mikey were perfect. So perfect. I just … I just … I just ...”