“What time is it there? It's almost midnight here,” she grumbled.
“Weird, it's the exact same time where I am.”
Misch sat up so fast, her hand slipped on a pillow, throwing off her balance. She squeaked and tumbled to the floor, landing in a heap with the blankets. Her phone was buried under the comforter and she almost had a panic attack scrambling for it.
“Is this real?” she gasped when she finally had it again.
“Very real,” Tal's voice was deep. It had only been about four days since she'd talked to him, but it felt like a lot longer. In her mind, it was so much longer.
“I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I'm sorry -,” she began rambling.
“Misch, stop. It's okay. We're talking now,” he said. She nodded.
“I miss you,” she whispered.
“Good. Is he there?”
“No, not yet.”
“Good.”
“How are you? How was work?” she asked, twisting her fingers in the blanket.
“Work was work. How are you?”
“Okay.”
“Really?”
“... no, not really. But I'll be okay,” she was honest.
“I won't.”
“What?” she was caught off guard.
“I won't be okay until I see you again. I shouldn't have left like that, I had to come back,” he explained. She closed her eyes. It felt so good to hear him say it, but it didn't make things easier.
“Tal, I wish we could, but I can't come back to Rome. I leave for Istanbul in four days,” she told him.
“I'm not in Rome.”
She stopped breathing.
“Where are you?”
“I'm in your lobby.”
She leapt up from the floor and began pacing, another nervous habit. He was in her lobby!? What!? How!? He was supposed to be in another country! How did he even know which hotel she was at!?
“Don't do this. Don't do this to me,” she moaned.
“I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.”
“I know it's hard, but you can't be here! Mike will be here in two days. I can't be with you and then be with him, see you and then see him,” she babbled.
“You better not 'be with' him,” Tal growled.
“God, of course not! You think I could do that!? But I can't be sneaking off to see you during the days, and then coming home to him for the nights. I already hate myself enough as it is,” she tried to explain.
“Stop it, you don't hate yourself. And I'm not asking you to do all that, just be with me tonight,” he suggested. Her free hand went into her hair.
“You're making this so much harder, Tal. Why? Will it be easier to say goodbye tomorrow morning than it was Rome?” she demanded.
“No. It'll be hell. But I already went through it once; at least this time, I'll get to see your face when I say goodbye.”
She closed her eyes.
“I can't see you,” she whispered. “I can't see you, then go see him. I just can't. It wouldn't be right. I've already done so much wrong, Tal. I can't, I can't, I can't.”
She'd thought about it a lot. Not being with Tal was horrible, but being with him and being with Mike was worse. Too many emotions, too many words. She was worried if she saw Tal, if she talked to him in person, it would be over. She would be hopelessly addicted, and she would follow him off the edge of the map, and there would be no going back. And she couldn't do that – she was still tethered to another person.
“Come find me,” he whispered back to her.
“I can't.”
“You can.”
“I won't.”
“You will.”
“Please stop,” she begged.
“I can't stop.
“I'm hanging up,” she threatened.
“Good. After you do that, come find me.”
She hung up.
She paced clear out to the balcony. Then clear back to the front door. Back and forth, chomping on her bottom lip the whole time. He'd told her to be strong – this was the time to prove it. She'd told herself she wouldn't see him again. She would damn well stick to that promise. She owed it to him, even if he didn't realize it was better that way. She owed it to Mike, even if he didn't know it was going on. She owed it to herself, because …
Aw, fuck.
Mischa was in the hallway before she knew what she was doing. She halfway expected him to be out there, but the floor was empty. She would go down to the lobby, see him before he saw her, then she would sneak back up. That was it. She just wanted to see him one last time, burn his image into her brain. That was it, that was all.
Yeah, right.
As she walked to the elevators, she could feel her heart rate increasing. Feel her blood pressure rise. It was like a change in the ionosphere, a drop in the barometric pressure. She felt static electricity coursing through her body, to the ends of her hair. The closer she got, the more electric she felt, and when she hit the down button, there was a static spark big enough to create a tiny bolt of lightning.
This is bad. So bad. So wrong. So bad.
The elevator door immediately slid open, like it had been sitting on her floor. But it wasn't empty.
“I knew you'd find me.”
Tal was leaning against the side of the door, smiling down at her.