I want to say something that would make him forget my snappy response. I need him to say something to reassure me, before this horrible feeling of envy overwhelms me, but the silence lingers.
We eventually reach the driveway leading up to his manor and we stop in front of his house.
He gets out while I stay in the car - not because I am waiting for him to open my door, but because he did not invite me in.
After walking around the car, he opens my door, smiling his crooked smile.
I hear the first splinter of my heart fall away.
Unshed tears are burning behind my eyes.
Do not embarrass yourself, Elizabeth.
" Thanks," I mumble, as I get out of the car.
He takes me by the hand and directs me through the misty rain toward his front door. "Don't worry, my parents aren't here," he says reassuringly.
" Why would I be worried?"
" You look worried," he jokes, trying to break the uneasiness between us.
" Well, I'm not." I try to smile. The feeling of looming loss is burning a hole in my stomach.
He unlocks his front door and leads me through it, still holding my hand. After closing the door behind us, he turns me toward him and says softly, "I'm sorry, but I had to bring you here, so we can sort this. I could think of nowhere else to go in this unrelenting rain, and I feel it is important to speak to you face to face, without me having to concentrate on the road. Your happy act might work with others, but I seem to have the ability to recognize your emotions. I somehow know when you are putting on a happy performance, or when you are sad and only trying to hide it. I can feel you crying on the inside."
I immediately look down.
He takes my chin between his fingers and lifts my face to look at him. The tears I have kept back so bravely run down my cheeks, a sob escapes my lips unwillingly.
Get a grip, Elizabeth.
I cannot get a grip.
Moving away from him, I turn back toward the door, trying to escape. I want to run the eleven miles home, but he folds his arms around my waist.
" You can stop trying to run away from me, just because you feel you need to protect yourself. You don't need protection from me."
" Please, let me go," I sob.
" No. I told you already - never."
His words shatter my last barrier and bending over double, folding my arms around my waist touching his arms already there, I cry as I have never cried before.