My mom's cheeks are rosy and she is smiling happily. The laughter reaches her eyes, making them shine. The only time there is ever a hint of doubt in her eyes for moving to Ireland is when she looks at me. I decide I am going to have to try harder at being happy.
Sean is in his element because, as he says, he is doing hard, manual labour and comes home exhausted every day.
I heard him say to my mom some time ago while they were standing at the kitchen window looking out across the field that coming to Ireland had been the best decision they could have ever made. He could not imagine how he was ever happy living in all the smog and pollution, driving to work every day in standstill traffic, sitting in an office all day, going back home in standstill traffic. This, he said, is the life. He is outdoors all day and all the fresh air makes him giddy. He grabbed onto my mom then, lifting her off the ground as if to prove how potent the air is. They both laughed and looked at each other lovingly.
It still amazes me how they act like two people deeply in love, after being married for so long already.
After we finish dinner, I start to clear the table. It is the weekend, so it is my turn to tidy up the kitchen and to clear away the dishes. My mom, Sean, and Esther go to the lounge and I can hear the soft murmur of their voices as they talk. My mom is having a hard time getting Esther to settle down, because she is now over-excited about the horse, wanting to know its colour, its size, its gender, wondering what she should call it.
When I am finished in the kitchen I go and sit with them. Sean has lit a fire in the fireplace and the warmth is comforting. I sit down on a chair, folding my legs in under me, and start watching a movie with my family.
During the movie, Esther falls asleep on Sean's lap. We pause the movie so he can carry her up to her bed. Every time this happens he complains for about fifteen minutes, while struggling to catch his breath, how he cannot believe how heavy she is. I always think then that she is ten, after all, cannot be as light as a feather forever.
I have stubbornly evaded going to bed for as long as possible to avoid lying in the dark and thinking about Jared. Now I have no choice anyway but to say goodnight to my mom and Sean, before I fall asleep in front of the TV as well.