Impulsively I decide to make an effort to fit in here. After all, I suppose, I can try to be happy and to give up on loneliness and emptiness - to try to make at least one friend.
This is the turning point for me.
The next day Jane starts talking to me in French class, and she invites me to spend break with her. She introduces me to her friends, Aaron, Connell, Siobhan, Sarah and John, and they welcome me into their group without hesitation.
They ask me a million questions about South Africa and I answer all their questions, laughing at the silly ones. It feels, after that break, as if I have been a friend of Jane and her friends for much longer than just a day. How easy things turn out to be, once I accepted my fate.
When my mom picks me up after school, I feel as if I am not pretending as much anymore. This is the first day I really notice the green hills rolling away into the distance. I notice the sheep with all the paint markings on their bodies grazing in the fields. I notice the neat squares of hedges, and the grey clouds blanketing us in.
Do not get me wrong, I still feel empty and bare on the inside, but now I can see a tiny, bright light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.