Throwing all negative thoughts aside, she continued to prepare for the trip, and tried to get some sleep. But of course, sleep did not come easily that night, and she remained awake into the wee hours, pacing and writing.
She wondered to herself what he might be like now. Amiable, no doubt. But had he remained the same man, strong, and willful? She doubted that she had changed much, except perhaps for her appearance. She had always remained a bit stubborn, and with much independent thought. The latter of which had made her vulnerable in her society.
She also had thoughts of her father. He would take such delight in this! From his very death bed he had wished her nothing but happiness and contentment.
It was he who had supported Jane's decisions to turn down absolutely every offer for marriage, even while remaining poor because of it. Her father had never cared much for wealth, for he was a man of God. They would often have long conversations in which he would share his own ideas about life, marriage and the meaning of true happiness. It was because of her father's constant push for her to read and write as much as possible that she had found her calling. He had always encouraged her imagination, however large it may have gotten. And her mother. While she was indeed a loving woman, she had always believed that Jane should marry a decent man with much fortune, so as to help her family out of their ever looming financial problems. But as much as she would have liked to help her parents, she just couldn't bring herself to marry.
That morning the two women were wide eyed, and in good spirits excitedly awaiting their journey to London. She had gotten word the day before that her brother Henry would also be attending with his wife. Henry himself not being much of a dancer, would probably prefer to have a drink or two and mingle about the room. She was sure there would be a pleasurable time had by all.
As they boarded the coach, Jane looked back only once just to be sure everything was in order. She sat down, and let her mind wander a bit, feeling relaxed. She wondered what the ball might be like, and who would be attending. Of course Mr. Lefroy's aunt and cousin Alice were sure to be there, along with perhaps some of Tom's family from Ireland, and associates and such. The music would be divine, and the desserts even more so. She had hopes that Tom would ask her for the first dance, so they might have a chance to speak. She had so much she had been wanting to say to him since seeing him last in Hampshire, and given the opportunity, she might just say it all without hesitation. Perhaps she may visit his home again, maybe for dinner. Or they could meet for a walk in the park. Being so out of practice, she wasn't quite sure how to go about any of this. That was her reasoning for that day on the path. He had taken her by complete surprise, and she couldn't think of a single witty thing to say, which was not usually in her nature.