PART IX
—Kayla Windhelm—
When we arrive at the battlefield, the war is already over, but the work is not yet done. Tavian and I gather up the survivors and begin efforts to tend to the wounded. There are hundreds of them. Thousands.
We should have been here, I think. We should have stopped this.
But in the end, what would we have done? The battle is won. There were always going to be casualties.
But I can do better next time. Next time, I can prevent wars in the first place. I could be a leader. A Druid.
"You are good at this," says Tavian as we scour the battlefield for more injured. It wasn't long after Arianna left the Rift, and then Fen, that we realized we had to return as well.
"Good at what?" I ask, rolling over bodies, checking for life.
"At serving others."
I chuckle. "I thought you'd say leadership, or command."
He smiles. "I did. For isn't that what serving others is?" He winks at me, and we continue on.
"Will you leave again?" I ask. "To avoid politics?"
"No," he says, wrapping his arm around me. "Now that the Darkness is defeated, I feel the curse retreating. I feel my memories fade. I will remember my wife's face and the faces of my children, I think. Yes. I think I would like that. But the rest I will forget. And then I will finally have peace."
"And what will you do with this peace?" I ask.
He pulls me closer, pushing his lips against mine. "I will share it. Share it with the woman I love." We kiss again, Riku chirping on my shoulder. The moment is perfect. Timeless.
And then a scream breaks it.
I rush forward, looking for the injured.
And then I find her, lying in the dirt, her leg severed at the knee, a spear sticking out from her gut. She wears blue robes, and a serpent coils around her arm.
"We must put pressure on her leg," I say, falling to her side.
"No," whispers Metsi. "No, please. I am tired of this world. I want to rest. Yes. Rest."
"You can rest later, I promise," I say, ripping off a piece of my dress and wrapping it around her leg.
Metsi chuckles. "I thought you would hate me. I was your enemy. Your foe."
"But right now, you are someone who needs help."
"Yes. Yes. I do." She gazes into my eyes. "End it. Please."
My hands start to shake. My stomach twists. "I… I can't…"
"Too long have I walked this earth. Too long have I been a Keeper. It is time for someone else. Someone worthy."
I force myself to smile for her. "But you are worth—"
"No. Do not lie to me. Not now. I failed my people. I failed myself. I accept that. I embrace it. It is the only way to learn. And my learning is not yet finished. No. There is a world beyond. A place where my family waits for me. I long to be with them. Please…"
I pull back, my eyes burning. "I… I…"
Tavian grabs my shoulder. "Let me," he says. "I know what it is like to live a life of pain. I do not wish it upon anyone." He steps in front of me and draws a dagger from his belt. "I will make it quick."
Metsi smiles, looking to the sky. "Thank you. Thank you…"
And then Tavian bends down, and Metsi, Keeper of Wadu, dies.
Something leaves her body. Something pure and ethereal. Into the clouds it disappears, searching, searching for one who is worthy.
Chapter 15
AND SO IT BEGINS
"No matter what happens, I will always be grateful for Fenris Vane."
—Arianna Spero—
The sun is out, and I've never been so glad to feel the heat of it on my skin. I sit by the creek, letting my bare feet dip into the cool water as the sun warms my legs and arms and dries me. After the battle, I couldn't stop shaking, and I had to get the blood and dirt and sweat and grime off of me. I had to be alone. I had to breathe and think and process.
It's over.
It's truly over.
We won.
The Fae are no longer mentally enslaved.
But the cost was high. We lost so many.
Fen and Asher and Dean and Zeb… they lost their brothers. Brothers who maybe deserved their fate in my eyes, but brothers who had been together for longer than I can conceive. The realms lost their leaders. They lost their father. Everything is changing, and change often hurts, even when it's good for us.
There will be pain. But there can now also be healing.
I kick at the water, splashing with my foot just to see the light reflect on it. Light has returned. The Darkness has been vanquished.
My hair is nearly dry and so is the simple tunic I wore under my armor and rinsed off in the creek. I slip it over my naked body and resume my spot.
Yami is asleep on the rock next to me, nearly purring in contentment. I rest a hand over my belly, imagining the life that still grows within. It's a girl, I think. And she is strong. She has already survived so much.
It's so still, so peaceful, that I hear his footsteps before he reaches me.
"I wondered if you'd come," I say. I turn to face him, this man who is everything to me. And I know what I must do. It will break me, but it will save him.
He crouches before me and I place a hand on his stubbled face. "I love you," I tell him. "Thank you for coming back. For helping with the fight."
He starts to speak, but I put a finger over his mouth. I need to finish this now, or I'll never be able to. "Back in the Rift, I left you so I could do what I had to do. What I knew in my heart was right. It hurt beyond words, but I had to choose myself, even over you." I suck in my breath and will my eyes to stay dry just a little bit longer. "Today, I realized I have to leave you for you. Because I love you more than anything. Because I want you to be happy, even more than I want you with me. I have to stay here. I have to try to be a leader to these people, whatever that looks like. I have to help in whatever way I can. It's my calling. My destiny. My choice. It's the only way I can authentically live my life without regret. But you… you don't have to do that. You don't have to walk the same path. I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me in the Rift, about how long you've been living under this curse, under these expectations. How Lucian and your brothers and this world forced you into a mold that never gave you any other choices. I'm not going to do that to you. So, Fen, my love, my heart… I release you." My voice chokes, but I continue, because if I stop, if I pause, I'll never get through this. And I must. For him. "I release you from any agenda I may have had for you and your future. I release you from any obligation you've had to this world, to these people. Even to me and to our child. I release you because I love you and I want you to be free to choose your own path. It's the only way to be happy. You can't live your life trying to make someone else happy. You can't live your life for me. You have to live it for you."