Everything that could go wrong was going wrong lately, and I didn’t know what the hell to do. My head was almost never on work anymore, and I kept dropping the ball. When I wasn’t worrying about Christian, I was thinking about Easton and when I could see her.
I’d been going over last weekend again and again in my head. Her stunt at the club and how she’d tried to push me away. I’d been enraged.
I didn’t want Kristen Meyer.
The woman was a void, like every other woman I’d come into contact with since Easton.
But I would’ve played ball if Easton had wanted it. If she’d been a part of it.
I didn’t need the excitement or the experience, but I’d enjoy it. Sure. What man wouldn’t? Especially with how hot she’d looked on the dance floor, another woman’s hands on her. However, I didn’t want to go into it without her. There was no point if she wasn’t involved. It was about us experiencing something together.
But then she’d pulled away, disconnecting herself from the scene, so that I would find pleasure in another woman and she could walk away, convincing herself that anything we had wasn’t special.
There’s no amount of red sufficient enough to explain the rage I’d felt when I reached out for her hand and found only air, then realized what she was doing.
But then she’d crawled into my lap and cried and kissed me, and Kristen had instantly disappeared.
There was nothing but Easton.
And then, later that night, when she’d told me her story and how that lowlife had victimized her, I’d wanted to erase it all from her life and make sure she had the best of everything. Happiness, love, consistency…
And then I wanted to find him and erase him. It made me sick to think of him out there, walking around. Did he know where she was?
Climbing in the back of the car, I unbuttoned my jacket and looked to Christian sitting across from me, staring out the window. “Room to Breathe” blared on the radio, and I reached over, turning it down from the controls in the back.
Leaning forward, I gave him my full attention. “I’m sorry I was late,” I told him, tired of seeing that look on his face. For every step forward we took, it was another two steps back.
“You forgot.” His sharp tone cut, his eyes still turned out the window. “You forget, because it’s not important to you.”
I sat back in my seat, hooding my eyes. “Is that what your mother tells you?”
“Yes,” he stated matter-of-factly, twisting his head finally to look at me. “And then in private she tells my stepdad that you’re a shitty, self-absorbed father.”
I hardened my jaw, feeling like everything was slowly slipping through my fingers. I was losing everything.
Christian turned his head, speaking to Patrick.
“I want to walk,” he said.
Patrick met my eyes in the rearview mirror, and I hesitated, not wanting him to get out of the car.
But dealing with Christian was like climbing a rope with one arm, and I was tired. Let him cool off, and I could think.
I finally nodded.
Patrick pulled over, letting him out. It was only a few blocks to the house and it was still light out, so I didn’t worry.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as Patrick pulled away from the curb, and I closed my eyes, exasperated.
Yanking it out of my pocket, I saw Brynne’s name on the screen and squeezed the phone, hearing it creak under the pressure.
Answering it, I held it up to my ear. “I don’t need to hear it,” I shot out.
“I was sitting there on a computer screen, Tyler,” she barked. “You couldn’t be there in person for Christian? You already missed one other conference this week.”
“I’m not making excuses,” I explained, “but it’s not that I don’t care. The campaign, the company… I’m very busy right now.”
“All of which Christian couldn’t care less about,” she threw back. “I agreed to this, because you truly seemed to want to get to know him, and I didn’t want to uproot his life while he was in school, but you’re a mess! He knows he’s not the most important person in your life, and he’s wondering why. Do you have any idea how much he wants you to love him?”
“I do love him!”
“You’re going to lose him forever!” I could hear the tears caught in her throat.
I rested my elbow on the door, holding the phone to my ear as I bowed my head and closing my eyes.
“That is, if you haven’t already,” she added, sounding somber. “Tyler, there comes a point when you’ve been disappointed or hurt too much that the bonds can never be repaired. You always wait for tomorrow. But let me clue you in. Tomorrow was yesterday.”
I clasped the phone in my hand, staring out the window, deep down knowing she was right. When would I wake up and realize that it was finally time to make my son a priority?
My first priority.
I shook my head, my throat swelling with regret. I wouldn’t realize it until it was too late. That’s what it would take for me to wise up.
“If you can’t get it together, I’m coming back to get him,” she told me.
I swallowed and spoke quietly. “It’s harder than I thought it would be,” I lamented. “Trying to balance everything alone.”
“I know,” she replied. “Thanks to you, Tyler, I know that very well.”
And she hung up, leaving me on my own just as I’d done to her all those years ago.
The weekend had passed slowly. More slowly than I’d thought it would, unfortunately.