"Of course, if I am obliged to be a clergyman, I shall try and do my
duty, though I mayn't like it. Do you think any body ought to blame
me?"
"For going into the Church under the circumstances? That depends on
your conscience, Fred--how far you have counted the cost, and seen what
your position will require of you. I can only tell you about myself,
that I have always been too lax, and have been uneasy in consequence."
"But there is another hindrance," said Fred, coloring. "I did not tell
you before, though perhaps I may have said things that made you guess
it. There is somebody I am very fond of: I have loved her ever since
we were children."
"Miss Garth, I suppose?" said the Vicar, examining some labels very
closely.
"Yes. I shouldn't mind anything if she would have me. And I know I
could be a good fellow then."
"And you think she returns the feeling?"
"She never will say so; and a good while ago she made me promise not to
speak to her about it again. And she has set her mind especially
against my being a clergyman; I know that. But I can't give her up. I
do think she cares about me. I saw Mrs. Garth last night, and she said
that Mary was staying at Lowick Rectory with Miss Farebrother."
"Yes, she is very kindly helping my sister. Do you wish to go there?"
"No, I want to ask a great favor of you. I am ashamed to bother you in
this way; but Mary might listen to what you said, if you mentioned the
subject to her--I mean about my going into the Church."
"That is rather a delicate task, my dear Fred. I shall have to
presuppose your attachment to her; and to enter on the subject as you
wish me to do, will be asking her to tell me whether she returns it."
"That is what I want her to tell you," said Fred, bluntly. "I don't
know what to do, unless I can get at her feeling."
"You mean that you would be guided by that as to your going into the
Church?"
"If Mary said she would never have me I might as well go wrong in one
way as another."
"That is nonsense, Fred. Men outlive their love, but they don't
outlive the consequences of their recklessness."
"Not my sort of love: I have never been without loving Mary. If I had
to give her up, it would be like beginning to live on wooden legs."
"Will she not be hurt at my intrusion?"