"Better; much-much better" he whispered leaning back into the recliner and getting more comfortable. Closing his eyes, he took another sip of his drink. Images of his son instantly assailed his mind making him shake his head attempting to rid himself of those unwanted thoughts.
"Not possible." He shouted jumping up out of his chair. Pacing the room incessantly thoughts ran rampantly through his mind. He had to protect what he had- his family. He couldn't risk alienation of his wife and children by some outside mistake that happened years ago. It was something that never should have happened he reasoned to himself.
It was true that Louise already knew that he had a son; but he still remembered the contingency upon her accepting his marriage proposal.
"Will your son and baby's momma be a problem?" He recalled the question like yesterday. "I don't want no baby's momma drama in mines and my children's life." She asserted. "How much child support will it cost us? Will he be coming to stay with us?" She had continued probing. Jacob was so in love with her and wanted to have her so badly, that he didn't want anything or anyone to get in his way. Marla and her untimely pregnancy were definitely obstacles that he needed to overcome. He cursed his luck of meeting Louise after the fact he had gotten with Marla and just as he was about to end things with her; Marla dropped the bomb that she was pregnant.
"Get rid of it…" He heard his harsh words from the past. His body involuntarily cringed from the harshly spoken words. However that was the way he felt and nothing had changed after all of these years. However thinking about the boy; it made him proud and that was even before he had found out that was his son. But still, his family came first before anything or anyone. Unfortunately, he didn't consider that teen as part of his family.
His pacing suddenly came to an abrupt halt as he reached the wall again. He was about to turn around to walk back in the other direction when he lifted up his head and glimpsed his own reflection staring back at him in the mirror.
Noticing the slight graying around the edges of his hair and that former flat, solid wall that was once his abdomen now pudgy and sticking out, he couldn't help thinking how much he had aged. He did a series of deep breath pulling in his girth and standing up straight momentarily appearing taller as he attempted to reclaim his former self- the man that he used to be; but he could do it. He couldn't hold that posture for long and soon had to release the breath of air that he had been holding. He was defeated. He couldn't go back in time nor did he want to go back and try to fix the damage that was already done.