"You know me?" He asked looking almost relieved.
"Yes sir… Why are you here?" He asked.
"Have you seen my wife and children?" He asked. Jayden couldn't stop his body from tensing up at the man's words. Mr. Ellis had nothing but love for his family and still didn't recognize or wouldn't acknowledge Jayden. Jayden died all over again as if he had been struck by a tractor-trailer in the oncoming traffic. It hurt like hell not being acknowledged and recognized by his father.
A jolt of rage tore through his body. Before Jayden knew it, he was acting on his first impulse. Immediately he let go of that hapless man's arm and began making his way back to his car while leaving Jacob stranded in the middle of traffic. The tears stung at his eyes reddening them as they strained trying to get out. Jayden fought to keep them from falling.
"I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. You can't hurt me anymore. No you can't hurt me anymore." He muttered to himself as he stood back on the sidewalk safe from the traffic and away from the man who was the root of his pain and emotional issues. He was about to walk away letting that old fool fend for himself. He wanted to leave that man there on that median strip to fight and wrestle with the zooming traffic. It was obvious that the man was not in his normal mental state, but that wasn't his problem. He owed that old man no allegiance and that man had made it perfectly clear that he didn't acknowledge Jayden as his son; so why should he care if that man made it across that street dead or alive.
Jayden wanted to leave that man to die just like he had left him stranded in life trying to figure out how to live his life without a father; and figuring out how to navigate and negotiate a cold and cruel world that couldn't care less about him. In that moment Jayden hated himself. In that moment Jayden let the tears flow and they ran down his face as his spirit made him reluctantly turn around.
"If you go to him, I'll never forgive you. Do you hear me Jayden? I'll never fucking forgive you." He told himself attempting to stay his steps. His feet were cement blocks as he tried to move them; his spirit and soul were at war. Tears stung his eyes and he silently prayed to God to make himself walk away. Then a Bible scripture entered his mind. 'Saying, Father, if you be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done[v]…'