At luncheon we talked of the time of the Fronde--Alathea is so
wonderfully well read. I make dashes into all sorts of subjects, and
find she knows more of them than I do myself--What a mind she must have
to have acquired all this in her short twenty-three years.
"You are not thinking of leaving Paris, I hope when you move," I said as
we drank coffee. "I am going to begin another book directly this one is
finished."
"It is not yet decided," she answered abruptly.
"I could not write without you."
Silence.
"I would love to think that you took an interest in teaching me how to
be an author--."
The faintest shrug of the shoulders--.
"You don't take any interest?"
"No."
"Are not you very unkind?"-"No--If you have anything to complain of in my work I will listen
attentively and try and alter it."
"You will never allow the slightest friendship?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Why should I?"
"I must be grateful even that you ask a question, I suppose--Well, I
don't know quite myself why you should--You think I am a rotter--You
despise my character--you think my life is wasted and that--er--I have
undesirable friends."
Silence.
"Miss Sharp! you drive me crazy never answering--I can't think why you
like to be so provoking!" I was stung to exasperation.
"Sir Nicholas," and she put down her cup with displeasure--"If you will
not keep to the subject of work--I am sorry but I cannot stay as your
secretary."
Terror seized me--.
"I shall have to if you insist upon it--I suppose--but I am longing to
be friends with you--and I can't think why you should resent it so--We
are both English, we are both--unhappy--we are both lonely--."
Silence!-"Somehow I don't feel it is altogether because I am a revolting object
to look at that you are so unkind--you must have seen lots like me since
the war--."
"I am not unkind--I think you are--May I go to my work now?"
We rose from the table--And for a second she was so near to me the pent
up desire of weeks mastered me and the tantalization of the morning
overcame me so that a frantic temptation seized me--I could not resist
it--I put out one arm while I steadied myself with the other by the back
of a chair, and I drew her tiny body towards me, and pressed my lips to
her Cupid's bow of a mouth--And Oh God the pleasure of it--right or
wrong!