Around nine the next morning, Rhage stretched in bed and was surprised to feel like himself. He'd never recovered so fast before and had a feeling it was because he hadn't fought the change. Maybe that was the trick. Just go with it.
Mary came out of the bathroom with a load of towels in her arms and headed into the closet to drop them down the chute. She looked tired, grim. Which made sense. They'd spent a lot of the morning talking about Bella, and though he'd done his best to reassure her, they both knew the situation was bad.
And then there was another reason for her to be worried.
"I want to come to the doctor's with you today," he said.
She came back out into the room. "You're awake."
"Yeah. And I want to come with you."
As she walked over to him, she had that tight look she got whenever she was going to argue.
He jumped the gun on the most obvious objection. "Switch the appointment to late in the day. Sun goes down by five thirty now."
"Rhage¡ª"
Anxiety made his voice hard. "Do it."
She put her hands on her hips. "I don't appreciate your pushing me around."
"Let me rephrase myself. Change the appointment, please." But he didn't ease up on his tone in the slightest When she got the news, whatever it was, he was going to be by her side.
She reached for the phone, all the while cursing under her breath. When she hung up, she seemed surprised. "Ah, Dr. Delia Croce will see me... us... tonight at six."
"Good. And I'm sorry about being such a hard-ass. I just have to be with you when you hear. I need to be a part of this as much as I can."
She shook her head and bent down to pick a shirt up from the floor. "You are the sweetest thug I've ever known."
As he watched her body move, he felt himself harden.
Inside, the beast shifted as well, but there was a curious calm to the sensation. It was no big rush of energy, just a slow burn, as if the creature were content to share his body, not take it over. A communion, not a domination.
Probably because the thing knew that the only way to be with Mary was through Rhage's form.
She kept going around the room, tidying up. "What are you looking at?"
"You."
Sweeping her hair back, she laughed. "So your sight's returning."
"Among other things. Come here, Mary. I want to kiss you."
"Oh, sure. Make up for being a bully by plying me with your body."
"I'll use any asset I've got."
He threw the sheets and duvet off himself and swept his hand down his chest, over his stomach. Lower. Her eyes widened when he took his heavy erection in his palm. As he stroked himself, the scent of her arousal bloomed like a bouquet in the room.
"Come over here, Mary." He twisted his hips. "I'm not sure I'm doing this right. It feels so much better when you touch me."
"You are incorrigible."
"Just looking for some instruction."
"Like you need that," she muttered, taking off her sweater.
They made love in an unhurried, glorious way. But when he held her afterward, he couldn't go to sleep. Neither could she.
That night Mary tried to breathe normally as they took the elevator up to the hospital's sixth floor. Saint Francis was quieter in the evening, but still teeming with people.
The receptionist let them in and then left, pulling a cherry-red coat on as she locked the door behind her. Five minutes later Dr. Delia Croce entered the waiting room.
The woman almost managed to hide her double take at Rhage. Even though he was dressed like a civilian, in slacks and a black knit turtleneck, that leather trench coat was still something to see falling from those broad shoulders.
Well, and Rhage was... Rhage. Unbearably beautiful.
The doctor smiled. "Ah, hi, Mary, would you come down to my office? Or will it be the two of you?"
"Both of us. This is Rhage. My¡ª"
"Mate," he said loud and clearly.
Dr. Delia Croce's eyebrows shot up, and Mary had to smile in spite of all the tension in her body.
The three of them went down the hall, past the doors of the exam rooms and the scales in the little alcoves and the computer stations. There was no small talk. No chatty, how's-the-weather, gee-the-holidays-are-coming-up-fast kind of stuff. The doctor knew Mary hated social chatter.
Something Rhage had picked up on at TGI Friday's on their first date.
God, that felt like years ago, Mary thought. And who could have foreseen they'd end up here together?
Dr. Delia Croce's office was cluttered with neat piles of papers and files and books. Diplomas from Smith and Har-ard hung on the wall, but the thing that Mary had always found most reassuring was the line of thriving African violets on the windowsill.
She and Rhage sat down as the doctor went behind her desk.
Before the woman was in her chair, Mary said, "So what are you giving me, and how much can I handle?"
Dr. Delia Croce looked up over the medical records and the pens and the binder clips and the phone on her desk.
"I spoke with my colleagues here as well as two other specialists. We've reviewed your records and the results from yesterday's¡ª"
"I'm sure you have. Now tell me where we are."
The other woman took off her glasses and inhaled deeply. "I think you should get your affairs in order, Mary. There's nothing we can do for you."
At four thirty in the morning, Rhage left the hospital in an absolute daze. He'd never expected to go home without Mary.
She'd been admitted for a blood transfusion, and because evidently those night fevers and the exhaustion were also tied to the beginnings of pancreatitis. If things improved she'd be released the next morning, but no one was making any commitments.
The cancer was strong: Its presence had multiplied even in the short time between when she'd had her quarterly checkup a week ago and when the blood test had been taken the day before. And Dr. Delia Croce and the specialists all agreed: Because of the treatments Mary had already been through, they couldn't give her any more chemo. Her liver was shot and just couldn't handle the chemical load.
God. He'd been prepared for one hell of fight. And a whole lot of suffering, particularly on her part. But never death. And not so fast.
They only had a matter of months. Springtime. Maybe summer.
Rhage materialized in the courtyard of the main house and headed for the Pit. He couldn't bear to go back to his and Mary's room by himself. Not yet.
Except as he stood in front of Butch and V's door, he didn't knock. Instead he looked over his shoulder at the fa?ade of the main house and thought of Mary feeding the birds. He pictured her there, on the steps, that lovely smile on her face, the sunshine in her hair.
Sweet Jesus. What was he going to do without her?
He thought of the strength and resolve in her eyes after he'd fed from another female in front of her. Of the way she loved him even though she'd seen the beast. Of her quiet, shattering beauty and her laugh and her gunmetal gray eyes.
Mostly he thought of her the night she'd torn out of Bella's, running out into the coldness on her bare feet, running out into his arms, telling him that she wasn't okay... Finally turning to him for help.
He felt something on his face.
Aw, fuck. Was he crying?
Yup.
And he didn't care that he was going soft.
He looked down at the pebbles in the driveway and was struck by the absurd thought that they were very white in the floodlights. And so was the stuccoed retaining wall that ran around the courtyard. And so was the fountain in the center that had been drained for winter¡ª
He froze. Then his eyes peeled open.
He slowly pivoted toward the mansion, lifting his head up to the window of their room.
Purpose galvanized him and carried him into the vestibule at a dead run.
Mary lay in the hospital bed and tried to smile at Butch, who was sitting in a chair in the corner with his hat and sunglasses on. He'd come as soon as Rhage had left, to guard her and keep her safe until nightfall.
"You don't have to be social," Butch said softly, as if he knew she was struggling to be polite. "You just do your thing."
She nodded and looked out the window. The IV in her arm wasn't bad; it didn't hurt or anything. Then again, she was so numb they could have hammered nails into her veins and she probably wouldn't have felt a thing.
Holy hell. The end had finally come. The inescapable reality of dying was finally upon her. No outs this time. Nothing to be done, no battle to be waged. Death was no longer an abstract concept, but a very real, impending event.
She felt no peace. No acceptance. All she had was... rage.
She didn't want to go. Didn't want to leave the man she loved. Didn't want to give up the messy chaos of life.
Just stop this, she thought. Someone... just stop this.
She closed her eyes.
As everything went dark, she saw Rhage's face. And in her mind she touched his cheek with her hand and felt the warmth of his skin, the strong bones underneath. Words started marching through her head, coming from someplace she didn't recognize, going... nowhere, she supposed.
Don't make me go. Don't make me leave him. Please...
God, just let me stay here with him and love him a little longer. I promise not to waste the moments. I'll hold him and never let him go... God, please. Just stop this...
Mary started to cry as she realized she was praying, praying with everything she had, throwing her heart open, begging. As she called out to something she didn't even believe in, an odd revelation came to her in the midst of the desperation.
So this was why her mother had believed. Cissy hadn't wanted to get off the carnival ride, hadn't wanted the carousel to stop turning, hadn't wanted to leave... Mary. The impending separation from love, more than the ending of life, had kept all that faith alive. It was the hope of having a little more time to love that had made her mother hold crosses, and look to the faces of statues, and cast words up into the air.
And why had those prayers focused heavenward? Well, it kind of made sense, didn't it? Even when there were no more options for the body, the heart's wishes find a way out, and as with all warmth, love rises. Besides, the will to fly was in the nature of the soul, so its home had to be up above. And gifts did come from the sky, like spring rain and summer breezes and fall sun and winter snow.
Mary opened her eyes. After blinking her vision clear, she focused on the dawn's nascent glow behind the city's nest of buildings.
Please... God.
Let me stay here with him.
Don't make me go away.