He winced slightly. “I’m still carrying a bit of a torch for you, if you hadn’t noticed.” There was no censure in his tone, just honesty.
That was so much harder to face. I looked down at my plate.
I thought I’d been clear for a while now, but apparently not. Had I inadvertently been stringing him along? It had never occurred to me before, but, of course, I hadn’t been sleeping with someone else before.
That thought threw me, the part about someone else.
Tristan being the someone else was just off. It felt wrong to even think it.
I knew why, too.
He was the someone, so he could never be the else.
This was the else, my morbid mind told me.
The last six years have been the else, and poor Andrew was just another casualty in the Great War of T&D.
Dear Andrew had been on a no percent survival suicide mission, and he hadn’t had a clue.
“I wish you wouldn’t,” I told him as gently as I could. “Carry a torch for me, I mean. You’re a great guy.”
“Uh oh,” he said with a sad smile. “That sounds ominous.”
“You are. You’ve been wonderful to me, patient and kind, but I was broken long before I met you, and I’m afraid that neither you nor I ever did have the tools to fix me. I’m just beginning to see that. I’m sorry I wasted your time; sorry I hurt you. Truly I am. We are good as friends though. I’ll always have the utmost respect and fondness for you.”
He looked much more broken up by my words than I was ready to deal with. “It wasn’t a waste of my time. Falling in love never is.” He covered his face with his hands. “I didn’t know you felt this way. I thought you just needed more time. More space. Is this coming up for a particular reason?” His hands dropped, and his solemn eyes met mine. “If I may be blunt, is there someone else?”
Still there was no censure in his tone, only a gently wounded concern.
I flushed, feeling ashamed at my insensitivity. I should have told him sooner. “I have been seeing someone. I can’t say if it’s serious, or even has the potential to be. It’s a very complicated situation. But—“
“It’s Tristan Vega, isn’t it?”
That took the steam right out of me. “How did you know?”
“It was always him, wasn’t it? I knew,” he said emotionally. “I knew there was someone that had your heart, something that always made you hold back from me. I should have realized we were doomed, after that first time, when you locked yourself in the bathroom and wouldn’t stop crying. Obviously I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t know it was hopeless.”
He paused for a long moment, regaining his composure. “You shouldn’t be sorry, and you shouldn’t feel as though you’ve done something wrong. I know you tried your best to love me. We just never had a shot, huh?”
I shook my head, wishing I knew better how to comfort him. I could tell he was in pain, and I hated that I was the cause of it.
“That time we saw him at the red carpet last year. Christ, I should have seen it coming then. I could tell you weren’t over each other.”
“Was I so obvious?” The thought was alarming, to say the least. At times, it’d seemed that my pride was all I’d had. Had even that small comfort, that I’d kept my feelings hidden, been denial on my part?
“You weren’t, no. You have always been remarkably good at hiding your feelings. It was him. He wasn’t hiding a thing. He looked at you like, I don’t know, like he couldn’t even breathe at the sight of you. I could tell he’d been your lover, and I admit to being jealous, but still, I had to feel for the guy.
And the way he looked at me, well, he barely glanced at me, but when he did…I’ve never had that much animosity aimed in my direction in my entire life. I know it sounds crazy, but I think he wanted to attack me. Like, bodily attack me.”
That didn’t sound crazy. That sounded like Tristan.
I wondered briefly if I should warn him that it was a very real possibility, if they had a run-in in the future. Tristan wasn’t half the hot head he used to be, but the way he felt about Andrew might just cancel out all of his newfound self-control.
“About that,” I began. “I’d tread carefully, if I were you and I happened to see him. He can be, well, volatile.”
His eyes widened. “Is he dangerous? Wait, are you safe with him?”
I waved that off. “I’m safe with him. He’d never hurt a woman, and he’d cut off his own arms before he’d hurt me. If there’s one thing I’m sure of about him, it is that. And no, he’s not dangerous, not ordinarily, but his animosity towards you is not ordinary for him. I’m not saying he’s going to come to your house and strangle you, I’m just saying that if you happen to see him somewhere, you should turn around and walk the other way.”
His eyes were no less wide, no less horrified. “I don’t fight. I’ve never been in a fight in my life, but you’re saying this guy could just walk up and attack me?”
I shrugged, grimacing. “I don’t think he will, but though I can’t say for sure, I’m also not positive. He can’t even say your name. If I talk about you, this little twitch starts up under his eye. It’s not good. I’m just warning you to be extra cautious, because he has been in a fight before. Many fights. It used to be almost a hobby for him. I’m not trying to scare you, I just don’t want you to get hurt. Bodily hurt, on top of everything else.”