My heart never felt so full. I looked into his eyes. “No fair… you stole all of my lines!”
“Ryan, Taryn. Dinner is ready.” His mother shouted from the deck.
Ryan looked at me. I shook my head quickly; I wasn’t finished with our conversation.
“Start without us,” Ryan yelled back.
“So what else is on your mind?” he asked.
I stared up at the stars, watching the flashing lights of an airplane as it passed through the nighttime sky. It was a good distraction while my mind sorted through the various insecurities that have been plaguing me lately. I was unsure if any of them were conversations I wanted to get into right now. He squeezed me again. “If my memory serves me correctly, it was right after I mentioned filming Slipknot when you shut down on me last night.”
My head bowed instinctively and I sighed.
“I’m scared…Ryan,” I said slowly. “You’re going to be on location more than you will be home – wherever home may be. Separation, growing apart…” I winced. “It’s going to be hard, and I’m afraid if we force our relationship to be at stages where it hasn’t grown naturally, well…”
I looked him in the eyes. “What happens when you’re filming and you have to do some love scenes with another woman? What if her kiss is what you feel you’re missing out on? On-set romances happen all the time – some by accident. You know as well as I do that it happens. I can’t get it out of my head that all actors end up falling for actresses. What if bar owner from Rhode Island isn’t enough?”
“Honey, there’s a big difference between kissing you and faking it for film!” he laughed out. “I’m getting cast into a lot of romantic movies, and it’s going to be unavoidable. Everyone wants to see romance. But it’s not real. It’s not this. What you and I have… this is real. You’ll just have to trust me.”“
Well these are all the things that I’m thinking about. It’s not easy for me to trust men,” I whispered.
“I know. I have to prove that I’m not like the others. It’s all right. I can do that,” he said, giving me an elbow nudge. “How about if I call you every fifteen minutes to remind you that I’m madly in love with you? Will that work?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
“I can wear one of those iron chastity belts if it will make you feel better.”
“Would you?” I kidded back.
“I’ll have to get you another chain so you can wear the key as a necklace.”
I smirked. “I don’t want you to think that I’m some insecure mess. It’s just that, well, this stuff happens, and…”
“What about letting Marie run the pub?” he quickly suggested.
Great… he found another one of my issues.
“Ryan, the pub is my source of income. Marie isn’t opposed to taking care of things so I can travel, but honestly, with or without you, I need to maintain my own sense of stability. I’m not going to sit back and do nothing while having a high time spending your money. That’s not me. I’ve got to hold my own in this relationship.”
Ryan crossed his ankle up on his knee.
“Did you give any more thought to leasing out the kitchen to Tammy? Then that’s even more income for you. Even if Tammy doesn’t use it, you can lease it out to someone else.”
“That’s going to take a lot of money, Ryan. More than I can afford to spend right now. And I know what you’re going to say.”
“Twenty grand, Taryn, is not a big deal. I still think that’s a lot more than what it should cost just to replace the plumbing. We can make it legal if you want so you don’t have to worry. Or we could just take it out in trade.” He pulled me by my shoulder to bump me into his chest.
I sighed.
“Listen Taryn, I’m not going anywhere. So I have to travel when I film. So what. Like I said, we both travel from time to time and then I have a few weeks off here and there. If I promise to… slow down, will you promise to quit worrying?”
I nodded.
“Say it!” he taunted.
“I promise,” I said, laughing lightly at his urging.
“Okay… and I promise too.” Ryan’s fingers lifted my chin.
I gazed lovingly into his eyes. Those eyes, so blue, filled to the brim with passion and conviction, were absolutely mesmerizing. We were drawn together by an invisible magnetism that reached all the way to the core of my being.