Claire rose and stood next to me, peering out the sliding glass window as well. She was much taller than I was with a willowy figure. I figured she had to be about five nine even without any shoes since she was barefoot. With my dark brown hair that was escaping my messy ponytail and a figure that had hips showing my love of junk food, I felt squat and average next to her.
But I wasn't here to compete for attention. The last thing I wanted to do after having just broken off my engagement was to start dating again. This time was for me, to establish myself as the person I had always imagined I could be. And I was grateful that I wasn't doing it alone. From our phone conversations, I already felt as though Claire was a friend.
"Let me show you your bedroom."
Claire opened one of three doors off the living room, ushering me inside. "I know it's small but mine’s the same size. I barely spend any time in mine anyway."
"It's perfect," I said, looking around the room. And it was. Even though it was small and cramped, it was mine. I could do whatever I wanted to it without having to check with someone else to see if they were okay with it. I still thought of Sean every now and then, and a part of me missed him. He had been a part of my life for ten years and I still loved him and wanted the best for him. As dull as I had found Sean in our relationship, he had always been kind and considerate. He was a good person. I was the one that had changed the rules mid-game.
After Claire showed me the bathroom and helped me lug my suitcases into my room, she plopped down on my bed. I was grateful that she seemed to consider me a new friend, instead of someone just sleeping in the next room. As excited as I was to start my new life, it made it a lot less scary to have a ready-made friend.
"So, what do you want to do on your first official day as a New Yorker?"
I practically jumped up and down in excitement. "I don't know. Maybe we can just walk around and explore the neighborhood. I can't even think about unpacking right now."
"Sure. I'll show you around the 'hood, and then we can stop by Max's Tavern. It's a bar a couple of blocks away."
I looked at myself in the mirror that was above the dresser in my bedroom and grimaced. "Let me try to make myself look like a human being first. My hair looks like I stuck my finger in an outlet."
Claire laughed as she walked out of my room. "Sure, take your time."
I opened one of my suitcases and fished out my toiletries as well as a fresh pair of jeans and a tank top. Claire was flipping through a magazine when I made my way into the bathroom. It was a relief to change into clothes that weren't sticking to me. It was even more of a relief to wash off the grime of traveling from my face and put on fresh make-up.
"Tada," I announced as I stepped out of the bathroom. "This is as good as it's going to get today, but at least I don't feel gross anymore."
"You look fine," Claire replied as she dropped the magazine and stood. She was wearing shorts that accentuated just how long her legs were and a cute little tee that looked like it was sized for a toddler. It was a good thing that Claire was such a nice girl. It could be easy to be jealous of someone so effortlessly gorgeous.
Claire took me to all her local haunts and she seemed to know everyone on a first name basis. She had that easy charm that made everyone want to smile and talk to her. Claire was a good guide, explaining the different neighborhoods in New York and showing me where all the important places were, like the nearest grocery store and pharmacy. It was exciting just to walk around and soak up the atmosphere. And the East Village had plenty of atmosphere. It was a little grittier and a little dirtier than the New York I had seen through Carrie Bradshaw's eyes, but it didn't make me love it any less.
We walked over to Union Square and wandered through the farmer's market, stopping to buy cups of cold apple cider to quench our thirst. We sat down on a bench to take a break and watch the people walking by.
"So how do you like your new neighborhood so far?" Claire asked, leaning back on the bench.
"I know I keep saying I love everything, but I do. I love it. It's so different from Maryland, or even D.C. It sounds clichéd, but it just seems so alive. I feel like I can be a different person here."
Claire raised her eyebrows. "What's wrong with the person you are now?"
I sighed as I thought it over. Claire's mother was friends with mine through some women's charity group back in Maryland, so I was sure Claire knew about the failed engagement. We both came from Merrittsville, a small town in Maryland, although we had never met growing up since Claire had gone to boarding school. In Merrittsville, my running off had apparently been breaking news.
"Well, you know about Sean and me, right?" I continued when Claire nodded. "It's not that I didn't love him. I did love him. I mean, I still do. It just wasn't the right kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that made me excited to see him, the kind that made me miss him when we were apart. We were together since we were fifteen years old, and not once did I get butterflies around him. I mean, I liked Sean and I was attracted to him. I used to think that was enough. Now I know it isn't."
"Well..." Claire said, drawing out the word. "I can understand that. But what does that have to do with you being a different person?"
"The person that was resigned to living a life with no passion was boring. She followed all the rules, did all the right things. She almost got married to someone just because everyone expected it, including herself."
I turned to Claire. "I can't be that person anymore. I'm not sure who I'm going to be now, but I know I'm definitely not going to be her."
Claire gave me a small smile. "There's nothing wrong with trying to change things you don't like about yourself, but I don't think you need to wipe the slate clean. I know we've only talked on the phone a few times and we just met today, but the Emma Mills I know seems pretty okay."
I looked up at the trees overhead, the branches swaying with the slight breeze. I didn't want to be just pretty okay. I wanted to be someone that would make my mark in this world.
I laughed as I turned back to Claire, shaking off my serious thoughts. "Enough with all this heavy talk. You'd think I was going through an identity crisis or something. Tell me about you. You're in a Broadway show now, right?"
Claire gave a wry smile. "It's so off-Broadway that even saying it's off-off-Broadway would be a stretch. But it's a great role in a play about a woman who can't decide between two men in her life and how she figures out who to choose."