“Embie, I need water.” Lissa bumped up close to talk in my ear. “You too?”
The song wasn’t over. I shook my head, but when she left, I felt unmoored.
Rachel and Jake were in the corner, out of sight. After another confused minute or so, I stepped backward until I’d moved off the floor altogether, sidling up to the back wall, fighting the impulse of my buckling knees before I lost the battle and slumped down to sit on the cold poured-cement floor. My blood was an electric blanket and my heartbeat drummed my skin. My muscles would feel pulverized tomorrow. I watched the other dancers; Maisie and her friends had pulled off the various masks and capes of their costumes, and now looked unknowable and anonymous, all in skinny tees and dark jeans.
And then out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glow of light like a firefly. I craned my neck to see.
He was lighting matches. Striking them against a matchbook and flicking them into the air, a spark of dangerous magic in the darkness. He’d been there awhile, behind the coat mountain.
Striking matches and watching me. I was sure of it.
Kai.
Oh my God.
My body was locked in the suspense of what he might do next. When he made his move, there was no shyness, no hiding, no explanation. I stood up, my spine bumping hard against the rough surface of the wall, as he approached—I didn’t care, I just didn’t care in this moment that Kai hadn’t called, that he’d been an ass**le, that he’d hurt my feelings. All I wanted was this now, now. As he closed the last bit of space between us to create a solid shape of just us two, he reached out and gripped me at my sides.
“You shouldn’t play with matches,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck as if he’d held me just like this a hundred times before. His kiss made me know that I hadn’t imagined the interconnectivity of that first kiss.
“You’re right.” When he pulled back, he was smiling. He flipped me the matchbook. “Here. Don’t get burned.”
I caught it one-handed, easily. “Thanks.”
“I liked watching you dance,” he said. “It made me think something.”
“What?” I couldn’t remember the last time I had been more curious for an answer.
“Made me think that whatever you end up wanting to do with your life, you’re just going to attack it until you’re the best you can be. You’ve got so much to give. You’ve got so much…” He let the last word go; he meant a lot of different words. All of them good.
“Thanks.” I did the “whatever you say” shrug, though inwardly I was shining.
“Come with me?”
“I…” It seemed he’d tricked me out of the reactions I’d thought I’d have when I saw him next. The anger, the disappointment that he hadn’t called—none of it was clenched inside me anymore. My bones had softened to paraffin. Was this the correct reaction? Or was I “miscalibrating” again?
I wasn’t going anywhere with him. He’d hung me out to dry. I should hate him, right? We’d had no contact, nothing, after the fire escape. And besides, I didn’t chase guys. Especially guys who didn’t chase me back.
But it was as if I were in a trance, following him.
His hand, so warm, now reached to hold me behind my neck, before it dropped to the small of my back. I breathed him in. He was wearing the same shabby olive jacket and jeans. Not even the hint of a costume, plus, of course, he was an underage male—and he still got into this club.
“Ember,” he whispered in my ear. “Your name’s like this sign that’s been blinking in my head. Ember, Ember.” He smiled. “Don’t leave without me, okay? Don’t let me go.” His grasp was sure, no arguments. He led me out into the main room and to the dance floor like we’d made some secret, previous arrangement to do just exactly this.
We were dancing slowly, our bodies pressed, but I’d been exerting myself for so long that I had to push my muscles to make them work. He held me tight. My eyes closed as the room spun, spun, and kept on spinning.
And then Kai was leading me to the exit doors. And I wasn’t saying anything. No protest, no “I’ve got to find the others.” Who’d I come here with again? I couldn’t remember. It was happening and I was allowing him to do it, I was allowing myself to be pulled, crooked into the shield of Kai’s arm as he maneuvered us through the crowd. First to the coat pile, then the exit.
Just roll with it. For three weeks I’d been obsessed with him. And now here he was, shoulder-shoving us through a side exit door into a stairwell that was lit but empty, and down flight after flight of steps. Sequined light pinwheeled in my eyes; I toggled up my coat.
Kai turned and kissed me again. I was rapt, basking in him. He was so real, so right. As my hands twisted up the fabric of his jacket, I couldn’t stop from saying it. “Don’t let me go, either.”
“Never.” His voice was hoarse. Then his mouth was on mine. Was I awake?
When I’d had my wisdom teeth pulled in ninth grade, they’d put me in a twilight sleep—I’d been present and yet distractedly not; the sound of the drill had been as drowsy as a bumblebee. I kissed him and I had no idea what else was happening around me. I couldn’t hear the music, or the crowd on the dance floor. It was Kai and me and nothing else.
On the ground floor, we stopped to kiss again. I belted my arms around his narrow waist. His body was wiry, sinew and muscle. “Let’s take off for my place,” he murmured. “Hatch is there. I need to get back on the early side. I promised him spaghetti and old movies. He hates to be alone, especially on a wild night like this. We’ll get a cab—if we can.”
“Sure.” I reached for my cell phone. “Let me tell the others.”
I got Rachel’s voice mail immediately. “Waffles, waffles,” I said, and laughed uncertainly—was that our private joke? Actually, I had no idea why I said it; I felt sort of stupid, tipsy with adrenaline. “Hey, listen. Don’t worry about me. I’m leaving now, but I’m with a friend.”
Kai squeezed my hand. We pushed out the heavy door and into a bitter wind. I could feel myself wincing, shrinking—even my teeth hurt with cold. Traffic was brisk, but there weren’t many cabs, and the ones we saw were all off duty or occupied. Kai stepped into the road and raised an arm to flag one down.
“It’s freezing!” I called.
I should go back. I was doubtful now. I didn’t want to lose Kai, but maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all.