Tighter, tighter, tighter. His body wound up so tight he thought he would burst. His heart beat so fast, he thought it would work so hard that it had no choice except to fail. And maybe it should. Maybe that would make it all easier.
His head started going fast again, like it was running, spinning with too many thoughts that he couldn’t catch ahold of. The fog was there, making it harder to see. “I shouldn’t be this screwed up. Why the fuck am I this screwed up?”
Dante didn’t answer his question. He said something Ben had never expected to hear from him. “You give me something. You make me feel.”
Ben had never really given someone something before. Not something they needed. Tristan hadn’t needed him. Bonnie had, but Ben hadn’t been able to give her what she needed. But he gave something to Dante. That made some of the ache leave him.
He wanted to keep giving it too.
Ben walked over to Dante, stopped in front of him and lowered his eyes. “I want you. Take me. Use me. Fuck me. Control me.” Maybe it didn’t really matter, maybe he wasn’t giving anything at all because in reality, Ben needed all of those things he just asked Dante to do.
He needed to be fucked.
He needed to be owned.
He needed to lose himself.
But he thought maybe Dante needed to find him, too.
Dante needed to give, whether or not he realized it, and Ben was selfish enough that he needed to take anything Dante would give him.
“Please.” And somehow, the begging didn’t make him feel weak. “I need you. There is nothing wrong with you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” No, the shame was Ben’s because he had used Dante tonight. Maybe he was still using him. “Take me.”
He waited for Dante to tell him what to do. For Dante to grab him, kiss him, shove him to his knees but none of it came. The longer Ben waited the more he felt like he was going out of control—floating, drifting farther away from his own body.
Finally, when he couldn’t stop himself anymore, Ben looked up, locked eyes with Dante, who gave him one word.
“No.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Panic flared to life inside him. He couldn’t lose Dante. Couldn’t be alone. “You need this, too. You needed to take care of Abel just like you need to do it with me. Control me, Dante. Fuck me.”
Ben fought with himself not to reach for Dante. He could be good. He could wait. He could listen as long as Dante brought him back to Earth. And he got what he needed when Dante said, “Go into my room.”
Ben went. Dante was right behind him. Ben’s prick was already hard, it ached with need. His pulse still went too fast but he could feel it wanting to slow, the fog beginning to lift.
When he got to the room, Ben stopped beside Dante’s bed and waited. They were almost the same height but Dante still put his hand under Ben’s chin, tilting it slightly before kissing him. It was slow and deep, passionate and hungry. It made Ben’s cock ache...but something else, too. Made his chest twitch and hurt but in a way that made him want more. Made the organ in his chest want with an intensity he’d never experienced.
Dante pulled away, giving him a small smile...but it somehow looked sad.
“Take my clothes off. Slowly. If you go too fast, I won’t be happy,” Dante told him.
Ben’s instinct was to rush but he kept himself steady as his lover commanded. One by one, he slowly pulled each button through its hole, until Dante’s white shirt opened completely.
“Can I keep going?” he asked, afraid to rush.
Dante nodded once. Ben pushed the fabric from Dante’s shoulders, down his arms, one then the other, before taking the shirt off completely.
He wanted his mouth on Dante. His tongue on Dante’s salty skin. “Can I kiss you here?” Ben asked. Another nod, so Ben leaned in. Kissed Dante’s collarbone. Licked his throat before kissing there as well.
“That’s enough.” Ben pulled back as soon as Dante issued the order. “Take off my pants.”
Ben went down to his knees. He unbuttoned Dante’s slacks, kept himself in check as he slowly, so fucking slowly slid Dante’s pants down his legs. When he got to Dante’s feet, Dante stepped one foot out, and then the other, before they repeated the same process with his boxer-briefs.
He looked up, Dante’s long, thick, dark erection right in front of his face. He wanted to taste it. Wanted his face in Dante’s crotch. Wanted to inhale him.
“Can I suck you?”
Ben waited for Dante to nod...but this time he didn’t. He shook his head and Ben’s stomach dropped out.