It didn’t matter that they didn’t want it. It didn’t matter that it made them angry. “I don’t need you,” Ben said again. The urge to argue was there, always there but was he arguing the inevitable?
Dante cocked a brow at him, the movement asking the same question that Ben’s conscious just had.
“You couldn’t save him though. You failed him.” The second the words left Ben’s mouth, he regretted them. Pain burned, deep and fiery in Dante’s almond-shaped eyes.
“I told you from the beginning I couldn’t save you. If we keep going, I’ll fail you the way I did him. You’re welcome to leave if you want, but...” Dante inhaled a heavy breath. “I’d like you to stay. If you do, you need to finish eating.”
They weren’t in love. Ben didn’t believe that for a second but they understood each other. He maybe understood the man sitting across from him better than he had anyone in his life. Dante gave him companionship.
Ben didn’t believe that Dante could save him. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be saved, or that he deserved it. And he knew he couldn’t save Dante either but Christ he wanted to be with someone who understood him. Not his father who only cared about himself, or his mother who only cared about his father. Not Bonnie who loved him but left him, or Tristan who never loved him at all. Here, he had someone who got him and damned if Ben didn’t get something out of it that he didn’t understand.
He dug his fork into his omelet and took a bite, then another. He and Dante sat in silence together as Ben finished his meal.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
They started going to the gym together. They’d go at random times of the day or night but the workouts didn’t break Ben like they had before. They made him feel stronger rather than weaker because he didn’t continue until he couldn’t stand. He didn’t go after days of not eating or sleeping because food and rest was the only way Dante continued to fuck him.
It was always with a blindfold on Ben’s eyes or from behind but Ben didn’t much care about that. It was the sex that he needed. It made him feel normal...level. As though he was moving on from the shit inside his head, even though he knew it was always there, lurking in the shadows of his mind and ready to pounce.
Ben felt it there. Maybe that made him a little crazy but he was able to forget that, ignore it when he got the release he needed. It always came back to the sex for him.
They fucked every time they were together. It was always Dante’s rules and Dante calling the shots but that still helped as well. It was the only time Ben’s mind felt clear.
Ben’s arms shook as he pushed the bar away from his chest.
“Twelve,” Dante counted for him, as he stood next to Ben. “Three more and maybe I’ll suck your dick tonight.”
Ben pushed the bar up again, feeling a new sense of energy. Dante rarely went down on him. He ordered Ben to give him head often, but in the past few weeks, he’d only blown Ben a couple times.
“On your knees?” Ben asked as he pushed the weights up again. That wasn’t something he ever did even though Dante himself seemed to like Ben kneeling on his.
“You’ll have to finish to find out.”
Ben’s muscles suddenly stopped hurting as he finished his fifteen reps. He sat up, and grinned at Dante. “I like the idea of you on your knees for me.” Dante had become the definition of control to Ben. He didn’t often lose it the way Ben did. Ben wanted to see Dante lose control. He wanted to drive Dante to it.
Dante curled a finger beneath Ben’s chin and tilted his head up. “Wanting it doesn’t mean you’ll get it. I have to want it, remember?”
“You don’t want my cock in your mouth?”
“I didn’t say that. We’re talking about being on my knees.”
It didn’t matter to Ben that people were around, that the gym was full. Hell, that probably made it more exciting for him. He didn’t have a problem getting hard any more. Not since they started fucking.
“No one else has had a problem being there for me.”
“Let’s go.” Dante dropped his hand from Ben and nodded toward the locker rooms.
The whole time they showered, Ben’s body pricked with heat. He was on edge in the best possible way, left wondering if Dante would go down on him. They both teetered on that edge—self-destruction, and they both enjoyed public sex as well. The thought of Dante sucking him off here did it for Ben. The thought of getting caught amped it up to a whole other level.
But Dante didn’t. He knew by now not to ask. Dante would withhold any kind of sexual activity if Ben asked.