“No. But still, I thought . . . you know . . .” He looks confused, and I’m forced to finish the thought out loud. “I thought you had money.”
St. Clair bursts out laughing as if I’ve said something foolish.
“My father has money. And I’d like to keep him out of my future.”
“That sounds . . . ominous.”
The European shrug again. This time, to change the subject.
“And it’d be nice to have a bit of spending cash so that I could take her out. We tend to dine mainly in our dormitory cafeterias.” He frowns. “Come to think of it, we’ve always dined mainly in school cafeterias.”
“In Paris?”
“In Paris,” he confirms.
I sigh. “You have no idea how lucky you are.”
“Actually, I’m confident that I do.” St. Clair props the broom against the wall. “So why do you work? To support your unhealthy costuming habit?
And what IS your hair about today?”
“I wanted to see what it’d look like in tiny buns. And then I added the feathers, because they looked like nests.” He’s right.
That is why I work. Plus, my parents said when I turned sixteen I had to get a part-time job to learn about responsibility. So I did.
St. Clair examines my hair closer. “Spectacular.” I back away. “Exactly how far into the future are you planning ?”
“Far.”
The word hangs between us, loaded with strength and meaning.
Max and I talk about running away to Los Angeles and starting a new life together—me designing elaborate costumes by day, him destroying rock clubs by night—but I get the sense that St.
Clair’s conversations with Anna are more serious than the ones I have with Max. The thought makes me uneasy. I stare at St.
Clair. He’s not that much older than me.
How can he be so confident?
“When it’s right, it’s simple,” he says to my unasked question.
“Unlike your hair.”
Chapter ten
The moon is fat, but half of her is missing. A ruler-straight line divides her dark side from her light. She hangs low over the bustling Castro, noticeably earlier than the night before.
Autumn is coming. For as long as I can remember, I’ve talked to the moon. Asked her for guidance. There’s something deeply spiritual about her pale glow, her cratered surface, her waxing and waning. She wears a new dress every evening, yet she’s always herself.
And she’s always there.
Since my shift was early, I rode the bus and train home. I’m not sure why I’m so relieved to be back in my neighborhood. It’s not like the work itself was hard. But the familiarity of Castro Street comforts me—the glitter in the sidewalks, the chocolate-chip warmth radiating from Hot Cookie, the groups of chattering men, the early Halloween display in the window of Cliff ’s Variety.
I’m lucky to live in a place that’s doesn’t have to hide what it is.
Businesses like the Sausage Factory (restaurant), Spunk (hair salon), and Hand Job (manicures) are clear about the residents, but there’s a genuine sense of love and community. It’s a family.
And like a family, everyone knows everyone’s business, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I like that the guys at Spike’s Coffee wave as I pass by. I like that the guys at Jeffery’s know Betsy needs the large container of fresh Lamb,Yams & Veggies. I like
—
“LOLA !”
A stab to my gut. With dread, I turn to find Cricket Bell performing a spin move around an elderly couple entering Delano’s grocery as he’s exiting. He’s carrying a carton of freerange eggs in each hand. “Are you headed home? Do you have a minute?”
I can’t meet his eyes. “Yeah.Yeah, of course.” As he jogs to catch up, I keep moving forward. He’s wearing a white dress shirt, a black vest, and a black tie. He’d look like a waiter, except he’s
also wearing his colorful bracelets and rubber bands.
“Lola, I want to apologize.”
I freeze.
“I feel like a jerk, a total ass for . . . for putting you in that situation last week. I’m sorry. I should have asked if you had a boyfriend, I don’t know why I didn’t ask.” His voice is pained.
“Of course you’d have a boyfriend.You’ve just always been this cool, gorgeous girl and seeing you again brought up this whole wreck of emotions and . . . I don’t know what to say, but I messed up, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” I’m shocked.
I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it certainly wasn’t this. Cricket Bell thinks I’m cool and gorgeous. Cricket Bell thinks I’ve always been cool and gorgeous.
“And I hope this doesn’t make things even weirder,” he continues. “I just want to clear the air. I think you’re amazing, and being your friend that summer was the happiest summer of my life, and . . . I just want to be a part of your life. Again.” I can hardly think straight. “Right.”
“But I’d understand if you don’t want to see me—”
“No,” I say quickly.
“No?” He’s nervous. He doesn’t understand how I mean it.
“I mean . . . we can still hang out.” I proceed carefully. “I’d like that.”
Cricket droops with relief. “You would?”
“Yeah.” I’m surprised by how obvious it is. Of course I want him back in my life. He’s always been a part of my life. Even when he was gone, some
fragment of his spirit lingered behind. I felt it in the space between our windows.
“I want you to know that I’ve changed,” he says. “I’m not that guy anymore.”
His body energetically turns to face mine, and the movement startles me. I trip toward him and smack into his chest, and one of the egg cartons
drops from his hand and topples toward the sidewalk. Cricket swiftly grabs it before it lands.
“Sorry! I’m so sorry!” I say.
The place where his chest touched mine burns. Every place where his body touched mine feels alive. What kind of guy did he think he was, and who is he now?
“It’s okay.” He peeks inside the carton. “No harm done. All eggs accounted for.”
“Here, let me take that.” I reach for a carton, but he holds it above his head. It’s way out of my reach.
“It’s okay.” He smiles softly. “I have a much better grip on things now.”
I make for the other carton. “The least I can do is carry one.” Cricket starts to lift the other one up, too, but something solemn clouds his eyes. He lowers them and gives one to me. The back of his hand
reads: EGGS. “Thanks,” he says.
I look down. Someone has drawn a game of hopscotch onto the sidewalk in pink chalk. “You’re welcome.”
“I’ll need them back, though. My mom was craving deviled eggs, and she asked me to pick those up. Very important mission.”
Silence.
This is the moment. Where I either make things permanently awkward or I make genuine on our friendship. I look up—and then up again, until I reach his face—and ask, “How’s college?” Cricket closes his eyes. It’s only for a moment, a breath, but it’s enough to show me how thankful he is for my question. He wants to be in my life.
“Good,” he says. “It’s . . . good.”
“I sense a but.”
He smiles. “But it’s been a while since that whole surroundedby-other-students thing. I guess it takes time to get used to.”
“You said you were homeschooled? After you moved?”
“Well, we moved so often that it was easier than enrolling over and over, always taking the same classes. Always being the new kid. We’d done it before, and we didn’t want to do it again.
Plus, it allowed us to work around Cal’s schedule.” The last sentence sticks to me in an unpleasant way. “What about your schedule?”
“Ah, it’s not as bad as it sounds. She only has so long to do this.
She has to make a run for it while she can.” I must look unconvinced, because he adds, “Another five years, and it’ll be my turn in the family spotlight.”
“But why can’t it be your turn now, too? Maybe I’m being selfish, because I’m an only child—”
“No. You’re right.” And I catch the first glimpse of tiredness between his forehead and his eyes. “But our circumstance is different. She has a gift.
It wouldn’t be fair for me not to do everything I can to support her.”
“And what does she do to support you?” I ask before I can stop myself.
Cricket’s expression grows sly. “She does the dishes. Takes out the trash. Leaves the cereal box out for me on weekends.”
“Sorry.” I look away. “I’m being nosy.”
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” But he doesn’t answer my question.
We walk in silence for a minute, when something strikes me.
“Today. Today is your birthday!”
His face turns away from mine as fast as a reflex.
“Why didn’t you say something?” But I know the answer before I finish asking the question. Memories of the last time I saw him on his birthday fill me with instant humiliation.
Cricket fidgets with his bracelets. “Yep. Eighteen.” I follow his lead to keep the conversation moving forward. “An adult. Officially.”
“It’s true, I feel incredibly mature. Then again, maturity has always been my greatest strength.”
This time, his usual self-deprecation makes me flinch. He was always more mature. Except, perhaps, around me. “So . . .
you’re here to visit Calliope?” I shake my head as the embarrassment continues. “Of course you are. It’s her birthday, too. I’m just surprised to see you since it’s Saturday night. I assumed you’d be at some party across the bay, chugging beer in the handstand position.”
He scratches the side of his neck. “Call would never admit this, but it’s been a rough adjustment for her. Me being away while she’s still at home.
Not that I wouldn’t have come home tonight otherwise, of course I would. And I actually did drop by one of those parties for a minute as a favor to someone, but . . . perhaps you didn’t notice.” Cricket adjusts his tie. “I’m not the kegger type.”
“Me neither.” I don’t have to explain that it’s because of Norah.
He knows.
“What about your boyfriend?” His voice betrays a forced cool.
I’m embarrassed he’d assume it, but I can’t deny that Max looks the type. “He isn’t a party guy either. Not really. I mean, he drinks and smokes, but he respects my feelings. He never tries to get me to join him or anything.”
Cricket ducks underneath a pink-flowered branch in our path.
Our neighborhood blooms year-round. I walk below it without having to bend. “What do your parents think about you dating someone that old?” he asks.
I wince. “You should know that I’m really tired of having that conversation.”