“Just what it sounds like,” he said, scooping out a glop of peanut butter and putting it on his bread. “You make a list of everything you’re thankful for. For Thanksgiving. And then you share it with everyone over dinner. It’s great!”
“Is this optional?” I asked.
“What?” He put down the knife with a clank. “You don’t want to do it?”
“I just don’t know . . . I’m not sure what I’d say,” I said. He looked so surprised I wondered if he was hurt, so I added, “Off the top of my head, I mean.”
“Well, that’s the great thing, though,” he said, going back to spreading the peanut butter. “You don’t have to do it at the moment. You can write up your list whenever you want.”
I nodded, as if this was actually my one hesitation. “Right.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “You’ll do great. I know it.”
You had to admire Jamie’s optimism. For him, anything was possible: a pond in the middle of the suburbs, a wayward sister-in-law going to college, a house becoming a home, and thankful lists for everyone. Sure, there was no guarantee any of these things would actually happen as he envisioned. But maybe that wasn’t the point. It was the planning that counted, whether it ever came to fruition or not.
Now, as Cora and I sat in the closet, we heard the doorbell ring downstairs. Roscoe perked up his ears, then yelped, the sound bouncing around the small space.
“That’s me,” I said, pulling off my sweater and grabbing another one off a nearby hanger. “I’ll just—”
I felt a hand clamp around my leg, jerking me off balance. “Let Jamie get it,” she said. “Just hang out here with me for a second. Okay?”
“You want me to get in there?”
“No.” She reached over to rub Roscoe’s ears before adding, more quietly, “I mean, only if you want to.”
I crouched down, and she scooted over as I crawled in, moving aside my boots so I could sit down.
“See?” she said. “It’s nice in here.”
“Okay,” I told her. “I will say it. You’re acting crazy.”
“Can you blame me? ” She leaned back with a thud against the wall. “Any minute now, the house will be crawling with people who are expecting the perfect family Thanksgiving. And who’s in charge? Me, the last person who is equipped to produce it.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“How do you figure? I’ve never done Thanksgiving before.”
“You made pizzas that year, for Jamie,” I pointed out.
“What, you mean back in college?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Okay, that is so not the same thing.”
“It was a meal, and it counts,” I told her. “Plus, he said it was the best Thanksgiving of his life.”
She smiled, leaning her head back and looking up at the clothes. “Well, that’s Jamie, though. If it was just him, I wouldn’t be worried. But we’re talking about his entire family here. They make me nervous.”
“Why? ”
“Because they’re all just so well adjusted,” she said, shuddering. “It makes our family look like a pack of wolves.”
I just looked at her. “Cora. It’s one day.”
“It’s Thanksgiving.”
“Which is,” I said, “just one day.”
She pulled Roscoe closer to her. “And that’s not even including the whole baby thing. These people are so fertile, it’s ridiculous. You just know they’re all wondering why we’ve been married five years and haven’t yet delivered another member into the tribe.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I said. “And even if it is, it’s none of their business, and you’re fully entitled to tell them so if they start in on you.”
“They won’t,” she said glumly. “They’re too nice. That’s what so unsettling about all this. They all get along, they love me, they’ll eat the turkey even if it’s charred and raw. No one’s going to be drunk and passed out in the sweet potatoes.”
“Mom never passed out in food,” I said.
“That you remember.”
I rolled my eyes. We hadn’t talked about my mom much since the day Cora had laid down my punishment, but she also wasn’t as taboo a topic as before. It wasn’t like we agreed wholeheartedly now on our shared, or unshared, past. But at the same time, we weren’t split into opposing camps—her attacking, me defending—either.
“I’m just saying,” she said, “it’s a lot of pressure, being part of something like this.”
“Like what?”
“A real family,” she said. “On the one hand, a big dinner and everyone at the table is the kind of thing I always wanted. But at the same time, I just feel . . . out of place, I guess.”
“It’s your house,” I pointed out.
“True.” She sighed again. “Maybe I’m just being hormonal. This medication I’m taking might be good for my ovaries, but it’s making me crazy.”
I made a face. Being privy to the reproductive drama was one thing, but specific details, in all honesty, made me kind of queasy. A few days before, I’d gone light-headed when she’d only just mentioned the word uterus.
The doorbell rang again. The promise of visitors clearly won out over the fear of the oven, as Roscoe wriggled loose, taking off and disappearing around the corner.