“Yes, I’m sad.” Song Qingchun pursed her lips to make a saddened expression, but the next second, she pouted girlishly at Su Zhinian. “But I know Little Sesame will understand. After they are in heaven, they will know we’re doing this only for their sake.
“Honestly, I was incredibly sad yesterday, but now that I think about it, it’s not so bad to not have the burden of childbearing. Honestly, I don’t think I’m prepared to be a mother yet; I can’t believe I thought I was ready to welcome a new life to this world. Therefore, taking away Little Sesame might not be an entirely bad thing, right? Su Zhinian?”
The more she rationalized the sharper the pain and guilt in Su Zhinian’s heart. He didn’t answer her question because he didn’t want to expose her forced levity. Also it was an impossible question to answer, either yes or no was the wrong answer. Even if he consoled her, it would only make her feel worse. Therefore, all he did was squeeze the hand he was holding and made a silent promise to himself to not cause her anymore pain as long as he was alive.
His silence turned into worry in her eyes. Even though her heart was cut into places due to the imminent abortion, his deep concern and love provided Song Qingchun with much needed assuagement. She really didn’t want him to continue in this slump. Plus, he hadn’t had a good rest from his long search for her.
Song Qingchun’s dark pupils turned as she tried to figure out a way to console Su Zhinian. When they reached the door, Song Qingchun stopped moving. Su Zhinian also stopped with confusion, retracting the hand that was reaching for the door to open it for her. He was about to turn to look at her when she suddenly stood on her tip-toes to reach toward his ear.
The street was noisy with people, so with a lowered voice, people wouldn’t have been able to hear her, but she was practically speaking in a voice that was audible only to mosquitoes. “Also, if you think about it, without the baby, we can finally…”
Song Qingchun allowed her sentence to linger and hum meaningfully as she winked conspiratorially at Su Zhinian. She didn’t finish the rest of her sentence in her mind, so Su Zhinian was rather lost at what was she insinuating. His expression was one of confusion.
Song Qingchun winked one more time at Su Zhinian, and his lack of reaction made her doubt herself. Is he really that obtuse?
Song Qingchun had no choice but to continue to whisper into his ear. “You know… that thing, that thing …”
The confusion in Su Zhinian’s eyes only deepened. That thing? What thing?
Is he playing a prank on me or not? Song Qingchun in her agitation raised her voice to exclaim, “We can have sex, that thing that made me pregnant in the first place…”
Song Qingchun’s voice caught the attention of the people near them. The women smiled to themselves while the males tossed Su Zhinian the ‘look’, a secret code between men.
Song Qingchun’s face burned up instantly. What she wouldn’t give to turn back time or find a hole to crawl into at that moment.
Her intention was pure—she just wanted to cheer Su Zhinian up—so why did God punish her for it?