Song Qingchun’s eyes could not help but redden. When she opened her lips next, the earlier anger and stubbornness had completely disappeared. What remained was merely a soft gentleness and a faded concern. “Then what about you? Do you how much you’ve hurt me over the past two days?
“Do you know how much courage it took me to commit to that decision to be with you? I’ve exhausted every bit of courage within me to ask you let me accompany you in hell, but you turned around wordlessly and locked me up in your house. No matter how mad I acted or how loud I yelled, you refused to give me any response.”
Song Qingchun’s eyes started to well up. Su Zhinian held her close to his heart and lowered his eyes to hide the apology in them. He simply allowed her to vent on him soundlessly.
“The first thought that crossed my mind after leaving the bungalow was to go look for you, but you refused to give me any chance to speak. No matter how hard I followed you, you kept sticking to father. In the end, you even said you’d consider marrying someone else…”
Tears fell down Song Qingchun’s cheeks slowly. Her soft and gentle tone became colored with resentment. “…Su Zhinian, do you know, even if I can’t marry you, I will not stand idle and watch you marry someone else? Unlike you, I can’t pretend not care when watching the one I love marry someone else even if it kills me to do so.”
“I know.”
I know I’ve been hurting you, but at the same time, I suffer ten times the pain you’re suffering. At the darkest moment of my life, you walked in like a ball of light. Even now, twenty years later, you’re the purest existence in my life. I really don’t want to pollute you despite the crazy desire to pull you into hell with me so that you’ll belong to me forever. Tingting, listen to me. Can you hear how cruel and how dark I am?
A light sadness crawled unto Su Zhinian’s face. “…I’ve always known that. Ever since I found out that you’re my sister so many years ago, I’ve been hurting you.”
“But now? Do you still plan to hurt me?” Song Qingchun stared directly at Su Zhinian, her teary eyes surfeit with nervousness. He knew how afraid she was, afraid that he might reject her one more time.
He also read from her heart what her next course of action would be should he reject her.
This means that no matter what I say, she is hell bent of being together with me?
Her determination, her stubbornness, and her refusal to leave him alone…
A cocktail of emotions crowded his chest, creating violent reactions with one another. Su Zhinian’s fingers that caressed Song Qingchun started to quiver. He stared into her eyes and asked clearly and seriously, “Song Qingchun, do you understand what you’re saying?”
Song Qingchun held his gaze, and her answer came out clear and without hesitation. “I do.”
Through the physical contact, he could read the most authentic thought in her heart, and they were identical to the answer that left her lips.
It reminded of the clarity of her trust so many years ago when she said, “Big brother said that you’re a bad man, so you have to be a bad man.”