He crawled beside me and moved my hands from my neck to inspect it. I could feel the bruising and the ridges and welts from his fingers. By the look on his face, he could see them, too.
With a soft touch, he ran his fingers over my neck and shook his head with sadness in his eyes.
“I’ve never hurt a woman before. I know I’m rough in bed, but you have to believe I’d never…”
I stopped him. “I know. I believe you.” I took his hand in mine and held it close to my chest. “What was your nightmare about?” I asked.
Looking down, his agonizing expression cleared and the old Sebastian slipped into his place. “It’s nothing. I really am sorry I did that to you.”
Apologizing had to sting, and I appreciated him for it. Sebastian never apologized, and for him to do so, meant he was really and honestly sorry.
“Lay back down and get some sleep. I’ll stay until you do, but I have to get to the club and help close things up.”
I didn’t push. I’d dig deeper into all things Sebastian the next chance I got, but until then, I’d lay beside him and enjoy the moment of sweetness he was offering. His arms closed around me, pulling me into his chest and making me feel safe again, and then he rested his chin on my head. Within a matter of minutes, I fell back to sleep.
The next morning, even though he’d said he was leaving, I woke with Sebastian watching me. With his head resting on his hand, he was drawing little patterns on my shoulder with the tip of his finger.
“I don’t apologize often, but let me say it again. I’m sorry, Jessica. So sorry.”
I nodded. I barely even noticed the name Jessica anymore. I was used to it, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
“I forgive you.”
And I did. I’d known Sebastian for a while and never once did I get the impression that he was someone who beat women. What was becoming obvious was he had some deep set problems—deeper than I’d initially thought.
Leaning up and hovering over me, he looked down at me with a soft expression.
“How can I feel this way about a woman if I don’t even know her name?” His fingers sifted through my hair and down the side of my face.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“There’s no hidden message. I mean exactly what I said. These feelings I have, I don’t understand how they’re possible. I don’t even know you’re real name.”
The night before was forgotten as I sat up and matched his stare.
“What are you saying, exactly?”
No way was Sebastian Black, asshole extraordinaire, saying what I thought he was saying.
“I’m saying I want to know you.” Again, he captured a strand of my hair between his fingers. “The real you. Not Jessica… you.”
His words struck deep in my chest and even though there were a million things I wanted to say to him, I kissed him instead.
For the first time since Gran died, I felt put together—like my life wasn’t actually falling apart at the seams. I had Kyle, who was having the time of his life doing the thing he loved the most, and I had Sebastian, who was more than I ever dreamed I could have in a man. I’d almost forgotten what happiness felt like, but now that I had it, I never wanted to let it go.
He broke the kiss. Capturing my cheeks in his palms, he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m almost there—so close it scares the shit out of me. I want to know your name, but I’m afraid I’ll run when you tell me. And running from you is the last thing I want to do.” His lips brushed mine and then he pulled back and looked me in my eyes. “Give me something to call you. Not Jessica, something that’s yours.”
Pulling away, I stared up at him. The way he was smiling down at me—the way he touched me, it was almost more than I could take.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
I wasn’t going to tell him my whole name, but even giving him my nickname felt strange. I didn’t want things to change and I felt like even giving him that little bit of myself would change the way he responded to me.
I didn’t know whether things would change for the good or bad, and that’s what scared me. Maybe he was confused about how he was feeling. Maybe once I told him my nickname, he’d leave and I’d never hear from again. I couldn’t handle the thought of never seeing him again.
“I’m sure,” he nodded.
Taking a deep breath, I swallowed. “Okay then, you can call me Roz.”
His smile grew before he leaned in and kissed me again. His eyes sparkled mischievously, like we’d just broken the rules. In a way, I guess we had.