“I think he might now,” Cami says softly, tears forming in her eyes. “But I think he just doesn’t care.”
“Landon would care,” I say with a frown. “Landon is a good person. He wouldn’t be dickery with you. He loves you.”
“But he doesn’t love me, and that’s the problem.”
We all nod, understanding what Cami means perfectly.
“Well, I’m gonna text Jake,” I decide with a nod. “I think I should. He shouldn’t get the last word.”
“Do it!” Mia says, clapping her hands. “Let us take a picture of your tits and you can send him those too, so he remembers what he’s missing out on.”
“No,” Riley says, shaking her head emphatically. “All of that is a very bad idea.”
“You’re right.” I nod and smile at Riley innocently. “I won’t send him a picture of my tits. But I can still text him and tell him his dick is too small.”
“Is it small?” Mia asks, shooting up into a sitting position, then nearly falling over again. “Whoa!”
“No. It’s actually really good-sized.”
“Damn,” Kat mutters. “And he’s good with it. You told me that, I think.”
“Really good with it,” I confirm. “I’d never had an orgasm from penetration before.”
“That exists?” Cami asks in surprise.
“You mean, Brian never did that for you?” I ask her.
“Unfortunately, Brian is not as gifted in the dickery as Jake.” She snorts, then starts to laugh, and we all join her, finding this news hilarious. “I need to know what all the fuss is about.”
“So, Brian’s nice, but he’s not great in the sack,” I say, now petting Cami’s hair. “Your hair is soft too.”
“Why are you petting everyone?” Kat asks.
“It’s soothing,” I whisper loudly to her. Geesh, she is not maternal at all.
“Brian is good with his tongue,” Cami says thoughtfully. “But the rest? Meh.”
“Then why are you constantly trying to set the man up?” Mia asks.
“Well, what was meh to me might be wowza to someone else. It’s all subjective.”
We nod in agreement. I mean, she makes perfect sense. And then I remember that I was going to text Jake.
“I have to text Jake.” I crawl across the room to fetch my handbag, and Kat comes after me.
“No, you don’t.” She reaches around me, fumbling for my phone, but I hold it close to my belly and bend over, out of her reach. “Give me your phone, Addison.”
“Let her text him,” Mia yells.
“No, she should not text him,” Riley says.
Kat tickles me and I squirm, losing my grip on my phone, and she plucks it out of my hand.
“You’re strong for someone who thinks the gym is a weapon of mass extinction.”
“Mass destruction,” Cami corrects me, still eating cake.
“That’s what I said.” I turn back to Kat and hold my hand out. “Give me my phone.”
“No.”
“Yes!”
“Addie, look at me.” There are two of her. “You will regret this tomorrow. Do not text him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of that. He broke up with you, sweetie. You can’t text him: it makes you look weak and pathetic.”
I stare at her, blinking rapidly as the tears begin to come. “I never told him that I love him.”
“Ah, baby,” Kat says and pulls me in for a hug.
“I trusted him. I let my guard down with him.” I pull out of Kat’s arms and plop down on the floor in defeat. “I told him everything about the modeling days.”
“Everything?” Cami asks in surprise.
“Everything. I told him about my parents, and I let myself be vulnerable with him. I snuggled with him, for fuck sake, and I hate to snuggle!”
“Boy, don’t we know it,” Riley mutters and swigs her vodka.
The sobs are coming hard now, making me shake with every breath I take. I’m pretty sure snot is running down my chin.
And I don’t freaking care.
“I fell so hard for him! Most of the time I don’t give any fucks. Not one. But this time I gave fucks,” I say to Cami, who nods with wide eyes. “I gave lots of fucks, Cam. I’m a prostitute of feelings.”
“I don’t think you need to call yourself a feeling hooker,” Mia says wisely. “Having feelings is good.”
“Having feelings fucking sucks,” Kat mutters with a shake of the head. “Especially when it comes to men, because when we care, we give them the power to stomp our hearts into dust.”
“We do,” I say between broken sobs. “And it hurts so much, you guys. I didn’t know I could hurt like this.” I shake my head violently. “I didn’t know.”
“This is why you can’t text him,” Kat says and brushes my hair back over my shoulder. “Because he’ll respond, and then it’ll just keep hurting.”
“I don’t want it to hurt anymore,” I whisper and wipe at my eyes, then stare at the mascara smeared across the back of my hand. “I’m so tired of hurting. I’m so tired of being thrown away as if I’m nothing.”
“You’re not nothing,” Riley says, her voice hard and angry.
“But they toss me aside like I’m nothing,” I reply, wiping at the other eye.
“Who are they?” Mia asks.
“Men. My parents.” I swallow hard. “Jake. Jake tossed me aside like I’m nothing. And that one hurts the most because I could see a future with him, you guys. I’m not saying that I’d picked out a dress or anything, but he was just so easy to be with, that when I thought about being with him forever, it didn’t scare the piss out of me.”