Sonofabitch.
I try one more time, cursing more as I get the voice mail again, then I try Kat.
“Seduction, this is Kat.”
“This is Jake. Did Addie come back there?”
Please say yes.
“No, she had an appointment with Cici this afternoon. Why?”
“I just came up on a wreck on the Sunset,” I reply grimly. “Same car as hers, same color. The person in the car has already been taken to the hospital. I’m on my way there. I tried her cell and she’s not answering.”
“I’m sure she’s fine,” she says, but her voice is shaky now. “Let me call Cici’s phone and make sure she’s there.”
She clicks off, but calls back in less than thirty seconds. “Cici didn’t answer.”
“Fuck.”
“But her phone might be off,” she says quickly. “She usually turns it off when she has a client.”
“I’m pulling into the hospital now. I’ll call you when I have information.”
I hang up, thank the parking gods when I find a spot close to the door of the emergency room, and run inside.
“I’m looking for Addison Wade,” I say breathlessly as I approach a receptionist. “She’s been in an accident, and would have been brought in by ambulance.” I think.
The young woman clicks the keyboard, frowning.
“I don’t see anyone by that name.”
That’s a good sign.
“But if she was just brought in, we might not have her in the system yet. Go ahead and have a seat. I’ll keep an eye out and ask around.” She smiles kindly, but she doesn’t make me feel any better.
The woman I love so much it hurts could be broken back there right now.
The thought makes me want to scream. And throw up.
I sit, leaning my elbows on my knees, and curse myself as every kind of selfish bastard there is. What am I doing?
I destroy the people around me. The ones I love suffer because of me. My parents. My band. Christina.
And now Addie.
Addie deserves so much better than me.
After thirty minutes of waiting, I glance up at the receptionist, making eye contact, but she only shakes her head, silently telling me that there is still no word.
My phone rings in my pocket. “Kat. Tell me you found her.”
“She’s fine,” she says, leaving me weak with relief. “She and Cici both had their ringers off. She’s safe, Jake.”
I nod, not even caring that Kat can’t see me, and hang up the phone. I scrub my fingers through my hair and stand, on autopilot as I return to my car and drive toward my house.
She’s safe.
She didn’t run out, upset, and get hurt the way Christina did.
She’s going to be just fine.
But what happens next time I screw up? I obviously fucked up big-time last night. It didn’t even occur to me how it would look to kiss Karina’s cheek. It’s her goddamn cheek.
But I should have thought about it. Jesus, even when I had my lips planted against Karina’s face, all I could think was that Addie smells better and I wish she’d been my date.
Instead of just thinking of myself, I should have also realized that the photos wouldn’t look as innocent as it was.
I pull into my driveway and bypass the house, headed for the studio.
“You know, you were much more punctual before you had a girlfriend,” Max says with a grin as I walk inside, but when he sees my face, he sobers. “What’s wrong.”
I shake my head and sit in my office chair. “What am I doing, man?”
“Well, right now you’re freaking me out,” he replies and walks toward me, dropping into the chair on the other side of my desk. “Who died?”
“That’s not funny.”
“I didn’t mean it to be funny.”
I pick up a pen and tap it on the desk, turning it from end to end. “No one’s dead.” I tell him about the argument and coming up on the crash and waiting at the hospital for what felt like hours.
“She’s not Christina,” he says softly.
“I fucking know that.”
“But it scared you.”
I nod. “It was five years ago, all over again. And then I felt like such an asshole.”
“Because you were worried that she might have been in an accident?” Max asks with a scowl. “Yeah, that’s a real dick move.”
“No, because I started this relationship with an amazing woman. Because I’m playing music every weekend again, and I’m loving it. And I don’t deserve any of it, Max. I walked away from performing for a reason. I don’t do the relationship thing for a reason.”
Max sighs. “You know, I never really understood what exactly those reasons are.”
I narrow my eyes on my best friend, not afraid to deck him if I need to. “People around me get hurt.”
“Bullshit.”
“How can you say that? You were there five years ago. Before that.” I stand and pace. “Christina lost her leg because of me.”
“As she has said, many times, bullshit.”
I shake my head. “It’s not bullshit. And that could have been Addie today. She could have been hurt. She could have been killed.”
My blood runs cold at the thought. I lower myself into the chair and stare at Max. “She deserves so much better than me, man.”
“Maybe she should be the one to decide what she deserves.”
“I have to quit performing.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Boy, that’s the truth.”