“No!” I cry, dropping to the floor beside her, my knees slipping in the red liquid.
There’s a knife lying on the tiles beside her, and her wrists are bleeding from deep gashes she’s created herself.
No, Avery. No.
“Baby,” I rasp, lifting her into my arms, covering myself with her blood. The strong copper scent burns my nose. “Baby, wake up.”
She’s floppy in my arms. Oh fuck, oh God, no. I press my fingers to her neck and check for a pulse. It’s there but it’s faint. I run down stairs, dialing an ambulance as I go.
“What’s your emergency?”
“My girl has cut her wrists, she’s bleeding. Please.”
“What’s your address?”
I give them the address and they assure me they’ll be there in less than ten minutes. What if she doesn’t have ten minutes? I lay her on the couch, and my tears hit her cheeks as I rip off my shirt, tearing it and securing it around her wrists. She’s covered in blood and so am I. I lift her into my arms again, pressing her close.
“Don’t you die on me, baby. Don’t you die. I’m so sorry. I love you; do you hear me? I love you, Avery.”
I rock her backwards and forwards until I feel a hand on my arm. I look up through my blurred vision to see an ambulance officer by my side. He takes her from my arms and I hear them speaking to each other, saying things I don’t understand. They wheel her out on a stretcher and I follow, though my body is completely numb.
Please, God. Don’t let her die.
~*~*~*~
AVERY
Sometimes pain becomes too much. Sometimes there is just too much devastation to see anything else. I couldn’t see anything else; all I could see was relief. I needed relief like I needed air.
I’m tired of hurting. Tired of feeling this agony each day. My mother’s death was the icing on the cake. The emotions of it all were too much.
I can’t say it was hard, walking into my bathroom with a knife in my hand. Why do we always choose the bathroom to commit such an act? Why not the bed, or the kitchen? I don’t know, but it’s where I ended up when I decided everything got too much. It wasn’t hard because I knew it would finally bring me peace.
It burned when I dragged the blade over my skin. My heart clenched when the blood bubbled up to the surface and slowly ran down onto the floor beneath me. When my body started to grow weak and my vision began fading, I knew I’d finally found my peace. Maybe now I can go to her; maybe now I can feel her arms around me again.
Maybe now it’ll stop hurting.
~*~*~*~
NATE
“Where is she?” Kelly barks, charging down the halls.
I stare at him, my eyes empty. My body is still soaked with her blood, and it’s a very real possibility that’s the last piece of her I’ll ever have. The doctors took her away as soon as we got in here, and I’m still waiting. Waiting to hear those words. There are only two options. “She’s dead.” Or “She’s alive.”
I truly don’t know which it will be.
Kelly opens his mouth to yell at me again, but he stops suddenly and his eyes slide down my body. His face goes white and he reaches out, clutching the chair beside him. I step forward, putting my hand on his shoulder.
“Tell me she’s okay,” he croaks out, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I don’t,” I swallow, my throat is dry and aching. “I don’t know.”
We both collapse onto the chairs and I drop my head into my hands, fighting my emotions.
“It’s my fault,” I whisper. “I did this.”
“No,” Kelly chokes, his voice thick. “Her father did this.”
“I left her, Kel. I made her promises and I fuckin’ broke them.”
“Now isn’t the time, Nate. We just have to pray she makes it through.”
We sit there, silent, for more than two hours. Max joins us, but I don’t look up. He said he can’t find Liam, and that scares me more. The doctor finally shows in the third hour, and we all get to our feet.
“You’re Avery’s family?”
We all nod.
“She’s stable; critical, but stable. She did a good job of her wrists and she lost a lot of blood, but she missed the major vein. It saved her life.”
“Can we see her?” Kelly asks.
“One at a time. She’s still out.”
They both turn to me, and it surprises me I get to go first. With a nod, I follow the doctor down the halls. He takes me to a room and I step inside. There she is, tiny on the bed, tubes coming out of her nose. I walk over, sitting on the old, gray chair beside her bed. I reach out and take her arm, careful not to take her wrists.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper.
I sit with her for more than an hour, just starting at her. Just willing her to keep breathing. I watch her chest rise and fall, counting each breath that she takes.
I know everyone else will want to see her, and I also know I shouldn’t be here when she wakes up. I stand, feeling my eyes burn with unshed tears as I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead.
“You keep fighting. Keep fighting and remember I will always, love you, Dancer.”
Then I leave her room and her life for a final time.
It’s for the best—at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
CHAPTER 33
AVERY
I’ve been in hospital for five days now, and I’m really not feeling any better. My mom’s funeral is tomorrow, the funeral that should have happened eleven years ago – instead it’s happening now, when everything is falling apart. Max told me yesterday my father admitted to dumping her body in a river. They recovered it, and it turns out everything my father said was true. We can now put her to rest – at least.