“Woman.” His footsteps pounded. “What are you doing?”
She locked the door. “I want to be alone.”
“Too bad. I’m not done with you.”
The walls closed in on her, and how had she ever thought the bathroom was large? It suddenly felt as confining as a coffin.
A sharp rap on the door made her jump. “I said, I’m not done with you.”
Her gaze darted around the room, but what was she hoping to find? A hidden trap door? When no secret passageway appeared, she gave up looking and simply slipped to the cold floor.
“Open the door, Regan.” Than’s voice was low, quiet, which made it all the more frightening. It was the calm before the storm.
A storm she deserved.
“Open the goddamned door,” he said slowly, “or I’ll break it down.”
She wrapped her arms around her legs, bracing for Hurricane Thanatos.
“Regan!” Than’s voice cracked like a whip. “Last chance.”
She closed her eyes and began to count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder. At six, the door crashed inward. His footsteps were like thunderclaps as he came closer.
“Don’t,” she said, in a voice that was much shakier than she’d have liked. “Don’t touch me.”
He inhaled sharply. “Is it the baby?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Then what the hell is wrong with you?”
She opened her eyes, but she couldn’t look at him. Instead, she stared at his feet.
“Regan?” His tone was softer now, tempered with concern. Had fear for the baby brought him out of his rage? “Answer me. What’s going on?”
“I…” She inhaled, as if the air could help her find her big girl voice. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For last time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to tell you, but you don’t believe me. I don’t know what else to do. I know you want me to pay for what I did to you, and I’ll do whatever you want. I swear it. But I won’t have sex with you. I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“Hurt…me?”
“What if … when we’re on the bed, you remember being…” Her stomach rebelled, and she had to swallow the sourness in her mouth. “Being drugged and … and held down while I…” A sob escaped her, and she started to tremble so hard her teeth chattered.
“Regan?” He dropped to his knees in front of her, but she still couldn’t look at him. “Regan, listen to me. You were drugged, too.”
Tears stung her eyes. “But everything was so clear afterward. I don’t remember much of the actual…sex… except in my dreams. But I remember afterward it was like crystal, and I don’t understand how I couldn’t have been aware of what was happening—” He touched the tip of one warm finger to her lips, silencing her.
“It was the drug. It makes you unclear on everything you’re doing, hearing, and seeing until you cl**ax, and then it’s like a switch turns on and everything is back to normal. You see what happened as it really was.”
“I still … I still …” She gulped a breath so she could talk. “Since that night, I’ve felt so hollow inside, and as the baby grew, he filled that space, but when he’s gone…” What would happen to her? Would she be an empty shell? Was that what had happened to her mother? “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, I would. If I could do it all over again, I would. I swear to you.” She was babbling now, her emotions overriding all the logic she’d filled herself with, the logic that had allowed her to justify what she’d done.
She’d been trying to save the world.
Thanatos swore, a harsh, vile curse in Sheoulic. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that to me again.” He gripped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “I’ve been pissed and putting you through hell for your betrayal, but the truth is that I’ve been too full of righteous anger to admit that if I had been in your shoes, I’d have considered the idea, too. It’s easy to cast judgment when everything goes wrong and you weren’t the one having to do something distasteful for the greater good.”
“It was wrong—”
“Yes, it was wrong, but only because you were tricked. But shit, Regan, what you did was brave. You didn’t know what you were walking into when you came here. You risked your life and did something that scarred you to save people who would probably judge you harshly and will never have any idea what you risked your life for. Yeah, you f**ked me over—literally—but you did it for a bigger cause, and it was a selfless act.”
Not entirely. She’d done it for the save-the-world stuff, but Than had been right when he’d said there was always a personal consideration. She’d needed to be useful to The Aegis. She’d needed to be needed.
“I’m sorry—”
“What did I just say? Don’t you dare be sorry. If you’re sorry, if you could change things, that would mean you wouldn’t be pregnant, and I wouldn’t have a son on the way.”
She wasn’t sure she’d heard that right. “But we created your agimortus.”
“And you know what? I don’t care. I’ve been alone for five thousand years, Regan. I’ve wanted children. I’ve wanted sex. I’ve wanted to be with someone. I’d have sold my soul for those things. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I can’t be sorry, and I don’t want you to be, either.” He hooked a finger under her chin and stared at her for so long she started to squirm. “And I don’t hate you. I hate what you have planned for our son, and we’ll discuss that, but I don’t hate you.”
Than leaned over, and she prepared herself for… she wasn’t sure what for. But it sure wasn’t for him to gather her in his arms and carry her out of the bathroom.
“Are you going to put me in the dungeon again?” she muttered into his chest. God, she hoped not. She was far too tired to fight. She would, because she didn’t know how to do anything else, but she didn’t know what would be left after she was done.
“Shh.” He set her on the bed and stretched out behind her, his long, hard body against her back. One hand came down on her arm and began to stroke. “I’m sorry.” His voice was a low murmur in her hair. “No more fighting.”
“No more fighting,” she whispered.
“I should be taking better care of you. If you’re hungry, I’ll feed you. If you’re tired, I’ll sit by the bed and watch over you while you sleep. And I won’t hold you to the eight months thing.” He pressed his forehead against the back of her neck, and she moaned at the intimacy of it. “I wasn’t lying when I said you’d awakened something sexual in me, something that frankly scares the shit out of me. But that’s my problem, not yours. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
“What…” She swallowed. “What if I want to?”
Behind her, he went taut, and she kicked herself for asking him that. They were in a fragile place right now, and he might be all for revenge sex, but maybe he wasn’t ready for intimacy that wasn’t rooted in anger.
His hand slid down her arm to her hip. “I’ll give you that, too.”
She bit back a groan as his palm eased between her thighs. “I don’t want to be a pity f**k.”
“This is so not pity.” He made slow, lazy circles on the skin of her inner thighs, his thumb just brushing where she wanted his touch. “And it won’t be a f**k if you don’t want it.”
Okay, then. She wanted it. God, she wanted it. But what shocked her, what truly shook her so hard she actually trembled, was that she all of a sudden wanted not just an orgasm, but a connection. Just once she’d like to feel what it was to have someone care, not about what she could give them, but about what she wanted. Yes, Thanatos wanted the baby she carried inside her, but his obligation to her ended with food, shelter, and safety.
Making her feel good was a gift, and it was something only he could do. And it was something she wanted from him only.
“I … want it.”
“Show me.”
Tight, shivery arousal coiled in her belly as she reached down and took his hand. Both of them were trembling when she dragged his fingers to her core.
His groan vibrated against her back as one finger slid between her folds. “You’re so wet.”
She arched into his caress, forcing his touch deeper. His c*ck nudged the seam of her butt, and she instinctively lifted one leg to allow his shaft to slip between her thighs. Desire became a thundering pulse in her veins and a roar in her ears.
“I don’t…” Thanatos ground his h*ps against her, making his shaft slide hotly against her skin. “I don’t know much about this.”
It must have been a painful admission for him, but that didn’t stop him from pushing one finger inside her and swirling it over sensitive spots like an expert.
“Neither do I,” she gasped, “but I promise, you’re doing fine.”
He moved his hand, replacing it with his cock. His shaft slid back and forth between her thighs, not yet inside her, but still stroking achy flesh with each pump of his hips. Pushing up on one elbow and leaning over her, he captured her chin in his palm and tilted her head back so he could see her. His eyes glowed in the dim light, the hunger in them stark and desperate.
“Kiss me?” There was a vulnerability in his request that had such a powerful effect on her that she almost choked up.
In answer, she lifted her head up and touched her lips to his. Even in this awkward position, their mouths fused in a burning, urgent kiss. His lips parted for the sweep of her tongue against his, and good God, he tasted good. Like ale and bitter chocolate, sin and decadence.
“Please,” she whispered brokenly against his mouth. “Please…now.”