“Come on,” she cooed, running her fingers down the side of her body.
When you read about a band slaying countless groupies, I’m not sure you realize how unbelievably accurate that reality is. The girls came in endless supply, and Jared and Leo were loving that shit. Me? Not so much.
“I’ll be good for you, Car.”
I winced. “Stop calling me Car, alright? I’m not an automobile.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Just –”
“I’m just excited. I love you. Not you as a person, but you as, like, a singer and –”
“I’m not looking to get laid tonight,” I cut in.
In fact, the number one endless supply I needed at the moment was alcohol.
Lots of it.
She sagged into the mattress in shock. “But…I don’t understand.”
“It’s not you.”
“I’m naked!”
“I can see that.” Oh, fuck, could I see that.
“Don’t I look good?”
“You look very good.”
“I work out every day.”
I nodded, repeating, “I can see that.”
“And you don’t want this?”
“No.”
“Did you fuck someone already? I can wait until you can get it up again.”
Jesus. “The answer isn’t going to change, darling.”
“Are you gay?”
I froze. “What?”
She studied me closely. “Are you gay? Because I don’t understand.”
“So not having sex with you means I’m gay?”
“It’s just strange.”
“No, I’m not gay,” I icily retorted.
Her cheeks heated. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you angry, it’s just –”
“I think you should go,” I cut her off impassively. I didn’t need this shit.
“As in now? Or after we fuck?”
Irritated, I exhaled. “I’m not going to fuck you, Tiana, so there’s your answer. Just go.”
Before she could say anything else, I left the room in a hurry. I disappeared inside the bathroom and leaned over the sink, resting my palms along the edges.
Are you gay?
I sighed and shook my head. Pretty reasonable question, admittedly. The girl was naked – looked damn good naked, too – and my dick was limp as a wet rag!
But I wasn’t fucking gay.
Jared. I was going to murder him. Tear him limb from limb. Cut his dick off and make him eat that shit. The audacity that he’d let a girl into my hotel room. How did he manage it? Probably got another key card from the front desk, the proficient fucker that he was.
She looks like Leah. A voice inside of me said, tempting me. You can pretend…
I stared at the door, part of me wondering if I should overstep my boundaries just this once. My cock stirred at the thought of being with Leah, and it stirred even more pretending for half a beat that the girl inside that room was her. But it was too late. I heard the sound of the door shutting and I knew she was gone. It was probably for the best, even though that itch for release was burning me on the inside.
You need to take care of it. Or else you’ll be a fucking douchebag asshole to everyone tomorrow.
I shut my eyes instead and unzipped my jeans, pulling them down. Breathing unsteadily, I palmed my cock and tried for a moment to envision her. I didn’t like to think of Leah to get there; when it came to her, that pain and pleasure was bittersweet, but I needed it. I needed her to help me out. I needed that spark to drive me home. Undeniably, I’d gone cross-eyed with lust. My dick needed to shut the fuck up, until I found another fling, someone decent, someone better than clingy Molly and her crazy antics.
Opening my eyes, I imagined Leah was in front of me. I imagined grabbing a fistful of her hair, soft and yellow, the strands slipping through my fingertips. I imagined her breasts, small and round, her nipples pink and puckered, her waist tiny, her skin tanned and soft. I groaned, surprised by the incredible adrenaline fizzing beneath my skin as I jacked off. Her body never once bored me. Every time I took her, it had felt better than the last. Jesus, I craved her. I craved the taste of her.
Why did you let her go?
I finally felt that god almighty spark from within. I could almost feel it; her pussy tightening around me as she moaned in my ear, convulsing. Crying out my name from out of those plump little lips. The image in my head was hot enough to send me over the edge. For a split second, it was a clear vision of Leah beneath me, and I came hard. So hard, I felt aftershocks.
It was a brilliant feeling.
Cathartic.
A gentle bliss humming through my body, warming me with pleasure.
And then… just like that… I felt alone and empty all over again.
At least you didn’t fuck the groupie.
Yeah, but I came all over the sink, and I wasn’t necessarily quiet about it. What sought after singer in a famous band masturbated when minutes prior a naked girl was ten feet away, inviting you inside her?
Some would say I was fucked up. I’d like to think I was just jaded.
I rinsed the sink and tucked myself back in my pants before getting out of the bathroom. I was still panting from exertion when I fell into the bed, numbly staring up at the ceiling as my heart began to calm down and the white noise settled in.
Alone, again.
Always alone at the end of the night.
Which was a little fucked up considering I’d been around thousands of people just hours ago. My life was consumed by people in general. Fans left and right. Assholes with cameras. Parties at mansions and chicks clawing to get their fingers on me. It was a never ending roller coaster ride, and all I wanted to do at the end of a long night was hop off the ride, drink some beer, and watch a little television with someone that mattered.
Mattered.
For a man that did whatever he could growing up to hide his emotions, now all I wanted to do was pour them out of me to someone that mattered.
Could you believe this shit?
Singing helped. Being on-stage with the guys was a life-saver. It made me lose myself in words that mattered. It made me feel alive. But tonight was different. Tonight…
I thought I saw her in the crowd.
I felt it.
I felt something.
I thought…
I’m going crazy.
It was obvious my desperation for having Leah back in my life was fucking with my head. I’d been cold on the inside the second I left her standing on the side of the street, tears falling from her eyes, as she’d stared longingly at me fading away in the distance. I’d been regretting leaving her every second after that. I consoled myself for a while that she needed her space. I couldn’t descend on her life again and tear it apart.