I gave him a weak smile. “I appreciate you nixing all the bullshit words of alleged comfort.” I held out my cup for a refill of the alcohol. He happily obliged me. After taking another long sip, I shifted in my chair. “Where the hell are we?”
“We backtracked you guys south to Richmond, since it had the closest field office.”
I nodded. “What happens now with Gavin?”
“The bureau contacted his parents, and we’re flying them out of Concord on the next plane. As his next of kin, they’ll be taking care of him from here.”
As I stared down into my once-again-empty cup, I couldn’t imagine the grief the McTavishes were experiencing. I might’ve lost my partner and best friend, but Gavin was their only son—their baby boy after two girls. They’d always been so supportive of him, from when he became an agent to when he came out.
Not wanting to think about them or my grief, I met Peterson’s gaze. “I guess we need to start working on what kind of story we’re going to spin to Bishop and the other Raiders.”
Peterson eased forward, taking my hand in his. “Samantha, there’s no easy way to say this, nor is there a right time to say it.”
I knew the shit was about to hit the fan when he didn’t call me Vargas like always. I glanced up at him. “What is it?”
He exhaled a painful sigh. “Look, I’m just going to cut to the chase. We don’t need to worry about a story for the Raiders, because without Gavin, there is no undercover case.”
Blinking several times, I tried to process his words. “You’re shutting down the mission?”
“Just the undercover aspect. We’re still going to monitor the Raiders and do the best we can with what we have on the outside, as well as the work you two have done so far.”
I jerked my hand away from his. “Are you fucking kidding me? Gavin hasn’t been dead twenty-four hours, and you and the bureau are already shutting down the case!”
“It’s nothing personal against Gavin. This is just how things are done. Undercover operations cost us money every second, and money talks.” After crossing his arms over his chest, he added, “Deep down, you know that.”
Even though what Peterson said was the truth, rage still boiled within me. It wasn’t as if the bureau had nine-to-five hours, and that meant that cases were decided on in the midnight hour just the same as they were in the light of day. Of course, when you lost an agent in the field, it often meant things were expedited.
“There’s still work to be done on the inside with the Raiders, especially after what happened tonight,” I countered.
“While I might agree, there is no way to get another agent trained and inside, least of all to find one who could gain the Raiders’ trust like Gavin.”
“I’m on the inside.”
Peterson’s eyes widened before he ran his hand over his five o’clock shadow. “Look, you’ve been through a devastating trauma tonight. There’s no reason why we need to be discussing this now. Take a week or two off to get your head on straight. Go back to Massachusetts with Gavin’s parents for the funeral.”
I gave an angry shake of my head. “Don’t dismiss me as incapable of taking down the Raiders just because I don’t have a dick.”
A low growl came from Peterson. “You need to step back, get your head out of your ass, and really think for a moment.”
“I am thinking. I’m wondering how you and the bureau can let all of Gavin’s hard work for the last two months go to waste when I can do this.”
“Pardon me for saying that it’s not us who is dismissing you for not having a dick; it would be the Raiders. You won’t get shit from any of them, even Bishop. You weren’t some patched member’s old lady. You were just a hang-around’s girlfriend. It’s a big fucking difference.” When I started to argue, he held up his hand. “Don’t think for a minute we would risk your life for what information it might bring. Especially not after losing Gavin.”
I controlled the volatile anger pulsing through me by sucking in a few deep breaths and exhaling them. Peterson eyed me as if he knew I was doing everything within my power not to go off on him. When I was finally able to speak again without losing my shit, I said, “I know Bishop better than you do—he will talk to me. It can still work.”
Peterson shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Vargas. The case is closed.”
“You’re the lead agent. You could reopen it.”
“How quickly you forget that we all answer to somebody. The higher-ups would have my ass if I tried to reopen the case by sending you in.”
With my anger rising again, I flicked the empty coffee cup with the back of my hand. It went sailing over the edge of the table. After it landed on the floor, I looked Peterson in the eye again. “I won’t give this up. I can’t. I have to find justice for Gavin.” When Peterson opened his mouth to argue, I shook my head. “It’s not just about Gavin. This case with the Raiders isn’t so black-and-white anymore. They were attacked today after an important meeting this morning. I have to find out the truth.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Peterson sighed. “You’re a grown woman with your own mind, and after living with my wife and two daughters, I know I can’t tell you what to do. But hear me when I say that whatever craziness you have running through your mind right now isn’t going to work. No matter how much you want to honor Gavin’s life, you won’t do it if you end up blowing your career, or worse, if you end up dead.”