And for what?
Greed.
Sheer greed.
It makes me sick inside to think about it.
Both times we studied together, he was a perfect gentleman. Or friend. Because I guess, rather surprisingly, that’s kind of what we are now. It’s like those two kisses never even happened.
So, yeah, I guess it should be relief coursing through me.
But it’s not…
“Ivy?”
“What?” With a light blush tinging my cheeks, I blink back to the present and the question he just asked. “Oh… my family. Right…” Taking a deep breath, I waffle for a minute or two before deciding to fill him in. Everything within me instantly feels weighted down thinking about my mom and what happened after she died. Honestly, I’d had every intention of cancelling today. Simply telling my dad that something came up with Roan and he wouldn’t be able to drive me to their house.
But…
I actually think having him there today will be something of a distraction. For all of us. Because I’ve seen firsthand how people react to him, how they gravitate towards him. So… maybe I’m using him to ease the tension I know will be there between me and my family. And if not today, it would have happened sooner or later. Even I realize I can’t keep pushing it off indefinitely.
I have little doubt that Roan will end up regretting his little burst of altruism by the end of the day. Which kind of makes me want to snicker. He totally deserves it for shoving his nose where it didn’t belong.
“I’ll give you the condensed version.”
I have to take another deep breath because it’s actually quite hard discussing my mom with anyone. Even though she’s been gone for five years, fresh waves of grief still roll through me when I think about her. Which is why I usually avoid talking about her. It’s just too painful and honestly, other than Lexie, there’s no one else I feel comfortable unloading on. My mom’s parents are both dead and my dad has apparently closed that chapter of his life and moved on.
With unseeing eyes, I stare down at my fingers which lay twisting nervously in my lap. It’s not until Roan reaches out, slipping my hand into his that I even remember he’s sitting next to me.
“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” He gives me a gentle squeeze.
Those must be the magic words because once the floodgates open, they don’t close until I’ve purged myself of everything. When I’m finally finished, I steal another glance at him to see the expression on his face.
He must sense my curious gaze because his fingers tighten around mine before he clears his throat. “That really sucks, Ivy. I’m sorry I forced you into this.”
A little bit of laughter gurgles up in my throat. “Well, you’re lucky I didn’t kill you with my bare hands Monday night.”
A small smile tugs his lips upward. “I would have killed me, too. You showed incredible restraint.”
Shrugging, my eyes fall back to my fingers. Our fingers. Because he’s still holding my hand within his larger one and the sight of them together makes my belly prickle with unwanted nerves. “Thanks.”
He’s quiet for a long, almost hesitant, moment before asking, “Do you want me to turn around and head back to campus? You could always call and tell them that one of us got sick. I don’t know… just make something up.” His eyes fasten onto mine for a heartbeat. “We don’t have to do this. I’m sorry for forcing it on you.”
Taking a moment, I mull over his words. Honestly, I really appreciate him offering to turn around and take us back to school. And even though I could have seriously strangled him when he piped up with that damn suggestion, I’ve come to realize that it’s best this way. I don’t have to be alone with them and Roan has already hit it off with my dad, so that will help in smoothing things over for the afternoon. Plus, nothing will get too heavy with him there. Everyone, including myself, will be on their best behavior.
So, even though I don’t necessarily want to go through with this, I can just get it over with and not have to see them for a while.
“No. As long as you don’t mind, we’ll just go.”
His gaze latches onto mine for just a few seconds before sliding back to the black ribbon of highway stretched out in front of us. “I don’t mind. I’m the one who opened his big mouth and put you in this situation in the first place.”
“Yeah,” I agree wholeheartedly, “you did.” But there’s a small smile tugging at my lips as I say the words.
Shaking his head, he mutters, “No good deed goes unpunished.”