She didn’t want to recall that time of her life, or that Cassie. It wasn’t comforting to her right now.
“No, I don’t want to talk about that, not tonight. Let’s talk about you tonight.”
Julian looked at her in surprise, but he seemed to sense her morose and sad thoughts. “What do you want to know?”
She was silent for a moment, there was so much that she wanted to know about him and his life. But she didn’t want to hear about Devon, not here, not now. She didn’t think she’d be able to tolerate thoughts of Devon right now, not after today anyway. “How did you become a vampire?” she asked quietly.
He turned toward her, his eyes dark and withdrawn, tired. It was obvious that the daily grind was starting to wear on him too. He was silent for a long moment before he finally answered. “I fell in love with the wrong woman,” he admitted.
Cassie’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth parted slightly in surprise. Julian, in love? It seemed impossible, and yet…
She had gotten to know him well since they had been locked in here. Yes, he was a murderer and he was vicious and cruel, but there was still a good man underneath it all. A good, caring man. One she had never expected to find. One she had never imagined could exist, and yet one that she had actually come to care for and trust. One that she relied on to help her stay alive, and sane.
“Who was she?” Cassie inquired.
He turned away from her, his jaw clenched as a muscle jumped in his cheek. For a moment she was afraid that he was not going to continue, that he would not talk about it with her. “She was everything,” he said softly. “Smart, sophisticated, and so very beautiful.” He looked back at her, his eyes narrowed slightly as he surveyed her. There was a keen appreciation in his gaze that rattled her slightly. “Almost as beautiful as you.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped, her eyes widened in shock. Julian thought she was beautiful? Cassie was discomfited by his words, but she was even more discomfited by the fact that the knowledge caused a strange thrill to run through her. She was oddly pleased by the notion. Cassie turned away from him as she tried to ignore the strange turning in her stomach. What the hell was the matter with her? Had she already lost her mind? Was this some sort of strange dream world that her shattered mind had created?
“What was her name?” she asked softly, trying to divert herself from her troubling thoughts and feelings.
“Victoria. Her name was Victoria and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, including give up my life, my humanity.”
“You can get your humanity back.”
He snorted softly. “It’s a little too late for that.”
She shook her head, swallowing heavily as she met his intense stare once more. “No it’s not, Devon changed.”
“And you would like it if I was more like Devon?”
There was a tight anger in his voice, a tension that alerted her to the fact that he was not pleased by the notion. She sighed softly, hating the anguish and self loathing that washed off of him. “No,” she said softly. “I like you just the way you are, but you have the choice to take your humanity back if you want it.”
His nostrils flared slightly, his eyes perused her slowly. “I suppose you’re right,” he said tersely. “I could make that choice if I wanted too.”
“But you don’t?”
He shrugged. “I never had a reason to, before.”
Cassie remained silent, studying his hard profile, wishing that she could soothe the pain and tension she felt radiating from him. Before what? she wondered, but she decided against pursuing that line of questioning. She wasn’t sure that she would like the answer. Or, if she was truly honest with herself, she was frightened that she may like the answer too much. “What happened with Victoria?” she asked softly, wishing to change the topic.
He shrugged negligently. “I fell in love, she changed me, and I became a monster. I think she did so mainly so she could have a puppet to play with, a puppet to use as she wished. She never loved me, and though she enjoyed playing with me, and toying with my emotions, she quickly became bored with me. I woke up one day and she was gone.”
Cassie’s heart ached for him, ached for the pain and misery and loss she sensed beneath his cavalier tone. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged again. “It’s all good; I got over that bitch years ago. Truth be told, I didn’t think our kind was capable of love, until you and Devon. When I touched him and felt the vast amount of love he had for you, it fascinated me.”
Cassie glanced guiltily away. Devon did love her, whole heartedly. He was probably going through hell right now trying to find her, probably nearly crazed with his desperation to find her. And she was sitting here, experiencing odd feelings for one of Devon’s greatest enemies. One of her greatest enemies.
Except he wasn’t her enemy anymore, and at one time he had been Devon’s best friend. In here, Julian had become her only sense of comfort, the only thing keeping her alive. In a strange way he had become one of her closest friends. They shared a common bond that no one else would understand, know about, or experience. And she would never want them to know about it, or experience it. They were linked together by this awful experience, and they were the only reason that the other was still alive. For although she had come closer to losing her mind then he had, she knew that he was just barely clinging to his sanity and composure also.
“I wanted to destroy that love.”
She looked sharply back at him, her eyes narrowed angrily. “Why?” she demanded.
He shrugged. “Why should Devon get the happy ending that I had been denied?”
Cassie’s mouth parted in surprise, her heart ached for the deeper well of pain she felt inside of him. “And how do you feel now?”
Amusement curved his hard mouth but it did not reach his eyes. He looked so much softer and younger and more approachable when he smiled like that. “Now I don’t.”
She was silent as she studied him. “Why not?”
He shrugged absently as he dropped his head to the glass. “Because it would hurt you if I destroyed him.”
The breath froze in her lungs, her heart pumped loudly in her chest. Confusion swirled through her as she tried to puzzle out his words, and how she felt about them. “Julian…”
Her words faded away as he turned back to her, his eyes forceful and lost. “I know how you feel about him princess. I’ve touched you, and I know the depth of your love for him, the purity of it. I expect nothing from you, and I won’t hurt you. Ever.”
Tears filled her eyes and slipped silently down her cheeks. Though she was confused by her strange new feelings for him, she knew that he was not confused. It was apparent that he cared for her deeply, that he may in fact be in love with her. She ached for him, ached for the feelings he had; feelings she could not return. Not in the way that he wanted her to at least. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. This is not a bad thing. In fact I think it’s a good thing. You’ve made me different and I thank you for it. Please don’t cry princess.”
Cassie wiped the tears from her eyes, biting on her bottom lip to try and stifle the tears. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him again, couldn’t stop the swirling confusion rolling through her. He was right though, what she felt for Devon was true and right and so unbelievably good and real. She just didn’t want Julian to be hurt because of it. “What ever happened to Victoria?” she asked softly.
“She was killed during what you call The Slaughter.” Cassie looked at him in surprise. “What, you thought it was only your kind that was killed?”
“Yes,” Cassie admitted.
He shook his head. “Nope, your kind did put up a fight against us; they took a few of us with them. One of which was Victoria.”
Cassie pondered that for a moment. She had never thought about it, hadn’t even realized that it had happened. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said softly.
“Don’t be, I hadn’t seen her in over a hundred years by that point.”
Cassie nodded, stifling a yawn as whatever they were pumping into her room started to take hold. “We need to get out of here.”
“Yes, we do.”
Instinctively, she rested her hand against the glass, sighing in relief as he pressed his large palm against hers. For a moment she had feared that he would shut her out, that her inability to return his feelings would turn him against her. “We will get out,” she said softly.
“Not counting on Devon to rescue you anymore?”
Cassie was silent as she pondered his question. She had no doubt that Devon was tearing the earth apart in search of her, but it was unreasonable of her to expect him to find her. She had been here for so long, if he was able to find her, he would have by now. “He won’t stop until he finds me, but it may not be in time. We need to find a way to get ourselves out.”
“My thoughts exactly princess.”
She rolled her eyes, shooting him a cross look. “Stop calling me princess,” she grumbled. He grinned back at her, pressing his palm tighter to the window. “Didn’t you believe in Annabelle and Liam’s love?”
He frowned for a moment before shaking his head. “I didn’t know much about Annabelle and Liam. Devon kept me away from her, she was his own private project, and I let him have her because I thought it would be fun to watch the show. Thought it would be fun for him. I never thought that what happened between them would happen. I never thought that Devon could change. At the time I would have interfered if I had known what was coming.”
“But not now?”
He sighed heavily, his amazing eyes darkened to an almost sea shade of blue. “No. No matter how much I resent Devon for turning against his own kind, his very nature, and me, I am glad that he brought you into our lives.”
Cassie’s head snapped up, her fatigue was forgotten in the face of his words. Her heart thumped loudly, her breath was labored as she tried to think of some way to comfort him, some way to sort through the tumult of emotions tearing through her. He turned toward her slowly, the vulnerable expression on his face caused tears to bloom in her eyes once more.
“Julian…”
He shook his head; his blond hair fell across his forehead as he offered a tremulous smile. “It is ok princess, I understand.”
She was glad that he understood, because she didn’t anymore. She dropped her head to the window, taking comfort when he rested his head against hers once more. Tears rolled silently down her face, she bit on her bottom lip to contain her sobs. She loved Devon, she knew that, but the idea of causing Julian pain was tearing her to shreds inside. He was her savior, her friend, and she was growing to love and need him more and more with every passing moment.
“Where the hell are we?” Chris inquired, stifling a yawn as he slowly roused from the backseat.
Devon glanced down at the GPS. “Cedarville.”
“And where is Cedarville?”
“Upstate New York.”
Chris was silent for a moment as he studied the dark woods surrounding them. Moonlight filtered over the skeletal trees, it cast light across the snow covered hills and mountains. They had been steadily rising in elevation for the past twenty minutes. “So we’re in the boonies,” Chris said softly.
“Yeah,” Devon muttered, glancing toward the woods at his side. He hadn’t seen Annabelle and Liam in awhile, but he knew they were out there somewhere, keeping pace with the slow moving vehicle. Liam was hunting for any animal that may have seen something, and still remembered it. They had been searching New York for over a day now, and Devon was trying hard not to give up hope that they would find her. That the trail had not grown completely cold. But since crossing the border yesterday, they had found no new leads.
He shuddered at the thought, his hands gripped tight to the steering wheel as he fought not to rip it free. “Have you heard from them?” Chris asked quietly, climbing over the middle to slide into the passenger seat. Melissa and Luther were still sleeping in the far back of the Escalade.
“No.”
Chris sat silently, his gaze focused on the dark forest, his eyebrows furrowed tightly together. Devon could tell he was trying to pick up Cassie’s presence, and having no luck at it. “Maybe the trail ends here because she’s somewhere near here,” Chris muttered after a few moments.
Devon wished it was that simple, but he didn’t believe so. In his heart he feared that they had lost her for good. Pulling out his phone, he checked the screen but there were no new messages. He slid it back into his pocket before he could snap it in half. “Pull over Devon,” Chris said softly.