And then a horrifying thought occurred to her. He had been able to track her as surely as she tracked others. What if he went after Caleb’s sister, who’d already endured unimaginable horror? What if he went after Caleb or his brothers? Was she putting them all in terrible danger by association?
“What the hell are you thinking?” Caleb demanded.
She lifted her startled gaze to his to see he was staring intently at her, a frown marring his features.
“You look scared to death.”
“What if I’m bringing pain and death to your doorstep, to your family and the people you love?” she whispered. “You’re risking your sister, your brothers, yourself, by helping me. I’m a reminder of all your sister endured. Is she mentally prepared for that? Isn’t there somewhere safe I can go that’s away from you and your family?”
It was apparent he had no liking for what she’d said, but one of them had to face reality. She appreciated that he’d responded so quickly, and that he’d taken steps to protect her. But helping her didn’t mean he had to become personally involved.
She sat forward, her expression earnest. “Think about it, Caleb. You have no idea what he’s capable of. You didn’t see or feel what he did to his victims. I did. I live with that reminder every single day and know that he’s planned a lot worse for me. I could never live with myself if you or your family became collateral damage in his quest for me. Or that he knew by hurting you, he hurt me.”
Caleb reached across to fold his hand over hers. Warmth traveled up her arm, filling her with undeniable heat. She snatched her hand back, shocked that what she was feeling was . . . desire. She’d felt the same reaction in the hotel room earlier, but hadn’t recognized it for what it was. Now that she was somewhat removed from the hysteria of that moment, she could see that there had been something from the very moment he’d walked through her door.
Judging by his own reaction, he was just as aware as she had been that something had sparked between them. He frowned over her withdrawal but retreated, moving his hand back to his lap.
“I need you to trust me, Ramie. And I understand in your position that it’s hard for you to trust anyone. Because you see the bad in people. But you’ve touched me, felt no sign of evil. So I hope that means you can trust me. The very best place for you to be is in my home, where I can be sure of your safety. I have security measures most government facilities don’t have.”
At her doubtful look he sighed. “Besides, I want you with me. There hasn’t been a day in the last year that I haven’t thought about you. And it’s not just guilt. Or remorse for what I did to you. There’s something between us, something beyond a passing acquaintance. You felt it. I felt it. And I’d like very much for you to trust me and to see what develops between us.”
Her mouth rounded in shock. He was talking about a possible relationship? He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he was saying. For one, she didn’t do relationships. It was impossible when she sensed the worst in others, never the best.
And then there was the fact that they didn’t even know each other. Their only connection was one steeped in blood, violence, a bond she hadn’t wanted but had been forced to endure. It certainly wasn’t the basis for any relationship, much less one that involved her.
And yet he was right about one thing at least. She had touched him. Had felt the very heart of him and he wasn’t evil. But did that mean she could trust him? That she could ever let her guard down enough to let him truly see her? Could she allow him past her carefully erected barriers to the very heart and soul of her?
At times she felt as though she’d lost herself years ago. Or perhaps she never truly existed. She wasn’t capable of having relationships. She was too f**ked up, and who would ever possibly care about her or love her with all the baggage that accompanied her? Someone would have to be a masochist to sign up for that kind of clusterfuck.
“I’m not capable of having a relationship,” she said in a low, embarrassed voice. “I have too many issues. Issues that most men aren’t exactly lining up to take on.”
He gave her an impatient look, mild exasperation in his eyes.
“I’m not most men, Ramie. And hell, I don’t know exactly where this is headed either. I sure as hell don’t have all the answers. All I know is that when I look at you, when I touch you, something happens to me. I get all twisted up on the inside and it suddenly becomes imperative that I be near you. I have no explanation for it. You have no idea what it did to me when I realized what I’d forced you to do, made you experience every single thing my sister went through. God. That has weighed on my mind for the last year. Knowing that by saving my sister, I hurt an innocent. The very last person who deserved what I did to you.”
She glanced away, the sting of tears burning her lids. Why couldn’t she just be normal like everyone else? She’d never asked for her gift—or rather curse. At times she wished that each case would be her last, that somehow she’d have a mental overload and burn herself out, effectively ending the ability to track evil.
It made her selfish. Isn’t that what Caleb had accused her of in the beginning? Of being selfish for not being willing to help him find his sister? But she couldn’t continue doing this forever. Not when every single victim still burned brightly in her mind with no way to rid herself of the terrible memories.
And her dreams. God, the dreams. Not only did she have a maniac taunting her in her sleep, but there were also all the others, a litany of blood, pain and death. When would it end? Would it ever end?