This time, she wasn’t able to hide her surprise. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things.”
“I’ve been beating myself up for years over our marriage, over not being there enough for you. I’m truly sorry that I wasn’t, Chelsea. You didn’t deserve to be ignored. Nobody does.”
“Well—” For the first time, it looked as if his ex didn’t know what to say. “Thank you for the apology. Even if it’s long overdue.”
It was long overdue, he realized. This whole conversation was, in large part because after the divorce he’d shut himself away from everyone by moving to London. Were it not for Tatiana being brave enough to confront him—and to keep on doing it, even when he’d repeatedly tried to push her away—he wouldn’t be having any of these long-overdue conversations today.
From the first, he’d been struck by the way Tatiana always wanted to understand why people did what they did. But even more amazing was the fact that she wasn’t afraid to go deeper than other people usually did. She wasn’t afraid to push harder, or farther, either.
Now, it was time to channel her fearlessness to get some answers from his ex-wife.
“Can I ask you a question, Chelsea?”
His ex-wife was frowning now, at least as much as she could with a dermatologically frozen forehead. “I guess so.”
“Why did you marry me?”
Her frown deepened until there were actual lines on her face. “Is this a trick question?”
“No, I promise you it isn’t.”
“You weren’t like any other man I’d dated. You were more confident. More focused. More determined. It was exciting to be with you, especially since you were traveling for business so much that when I was with you, it never felt like we’d settled into a boring pattern like other couples.”
“But eventually didn’t you want that? Didn’t you want to settle down? Didn’t you want our life together to have more of a pattern?”
“No, I didn’t. I just wanted you to turn your focus to me. I wanted to be more important than your company, your deals. I thought that once we got married, you’d change.”
And it was true, he suddenly realized. All Chelsea had really ever wanted while they were together was for him to change who he was. Whereas, again and again, Tatiana had said the exact opposite, that she loved him just the way he was.
He hadn’t been planning to give his ex any more checks, but since he had a feeling she hadn’t been saving much of what he’d given her over the past several years, he decided it would be his last act of penance. At the same time, however, it wouldn’t be fair just to hand it to her and let her think there were more checks coming in the future.
“I’m not giving this check to you because of my new deal. In fact, I never wrote any of these checks because I actually thought I owed you anything for any of my deals, or because I was afraid of your lawyers. I did it because I felt guilty that I didn’t treat you the way a good husband should have. But now I think it’s finally time for both of us to move on, past the mistakes we made with each other.”
Chelsea stared at him for a long moment, before awareness lit her gaze. “This is because of Tatiana Landon, isn’t it? I saw the way you looked at her. You’re in love with her, aren’t you? That’s why you want me out of the way. You’re hoping I’ll accept your apology so that you can go to her and tell her you’re not a big, fat jerk.”
He could see the calculations already going on behind her eyes, was nearly certain that she would try to dig up something about him and Tatiana so that she could leak it to the press, and he was glad for it. Happy that it helped dissolve the final remnants of his guilt.
Misplaced guilt that he’d let drive Tatiana out of his life.
“You’re right again,” he said as he moved to the door and held it open for their final good-bye. “I am in love with Tatiana, and I hope that one day, you’ll find what you’re looking for, too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Laughter was spilling out of Mia and Ford’s house on Friday night when Ian headed up their front walk carrying a case of Sullivan Winery’s finest sparkling wine. The house was lit up against the night sky, and though rain had been threatening all day, for the time being it was holding off.
And he was extremely glad for it, because clear skies were essential for the plan he’d spent all last night and today putting together.
What Mia had said to him about not ever truly wanting any woman enough to give her his all had really hit home. Speaking with Chelsea minutes later had only confirmed the truth of it.
He wanted to give Tatiana things he’d never given another woman. His time, his attention, and most of all, his heart. Only, he’d screwed things up with her so badly, and in such a big way, that he knew he needed to get them right in just as big a way. Tonight, he was counting down the seconds until he could see her again, until he could hear her voice, see her beautiful smile. And he was praying that when the helicopter landed on the grass behind Mia and Ford’s house, she’d agree to get into it with him so that he could whisk her off for the most romantic evening of her life.
Everyone was busy chatting when he stepped inside, but Mia spotted him right away. “Thank God, you’re finally here. I was afraid you were going to do something crazy, like change your mind about coming tonight. Although if you had, I would have dragged you here myself.” She stopped and tugged at the case of sparkling wine in his hands. “Earth to Ian. I need you to let go of the bubbly.”