In a still suspense she waited on. It seemed as if the whole time
had nearly elapsed when the door was opened again, and Jude appeared.
Sue gave a little ecstatic cry. "Oh, I knew I could trust you!--how
good you are!"--she began.
"I can't find her anywhere in this street, and I went out in my
slippers only. She has walked on, thinking I've been so hard-hearted
as to refuse her requests entirely, poor woman. I've come back for
my boots, as it is beginning to rain."
"Oh, but why should you take such trouble for a woman who has served
you so badly!" said Sue in a jealous burst of disappointment.
"But, Sue, she's a woman, and I once cared for her; and one can't be
a brute in such circumstances."
"She isn't your wife any longer!" exclaimed Sue, passionately
excited. "You MUSTN'T go out to find her! It isn't right! You
CAN'T join her, now she's a stranger to you. How can you forget such
a thing, my dear, dear one!"
"She seems much the same as ever--an erring, careless, unreflecting
fellow-creature," he said, continuing to pull on his boots. "What
those legal fellows have been playing at in London makes no
difference in my real relations to her. If she was my wife while
she was away in Australia with another husband she's my wife now."
"But she wasn't! That's just what I hold! There's the absurdity!--
Well--you'll come straight back, after a few minutes, won't you,
dear? She is too low, too coarse for you to talk to long, Jude, and
was always!"
"Perhaps I am coarse too, worse luck! I have the germs of every
human infirmity in me, I verily believe--that was why I saw it was
so preposterous of me to think of being a curate. I have cured
myself of drunkenness I think; but I never know in what new form a
suppressed vice will break out in me! I do love you, Sue, though I
have danced attendance on you so long for such poor returns! All
that's best and noblest in me loves you, and your freedom from
everything that's gross has elevated me, and enabled me to do what
I should never have dreamt myself capable of, or any man, a year
or two ago. It is all very well to preach about self-control, and
the wickedness of coercing a woman. But I should just like a few
virtuous people who have condemned me in the past, about Arabella
and other things, to have been in my tantalizing position with
you through these late weeks!--they'd believe, I think, that I
have exercised some little restraint in always giving in to your
wishes--living here in one house, and not a soul between us."