The farcical yet melancholy event was the beginning of a serious
illness for him; and he lay in his lonely bed in the pathetic state
of mind of a middle-aged man who perceives at length that his
life, intellectual and domestic, is tending to failure and gloom.
Gillingham came to see him in the evenings, and on one occasion
mentioned Sue's name.
"She doesn't care anything about me!" said Phillotson. "Why should
she?"
"She doesn't know you are ill."
"So much the better for both of us."
"Where are her lover and she living?"
"At Melchester--I suppose; at least he was living there some time
ago."
When Gillingham reached home he sat and reflected, and at last wrote
an anonymous line to Sue, on the bare chance of its reaching her,
the letter being enclosed in an envelope addressed to Jude at the
diocesan capital. Arriving at that place it was forwarded to
Marygreen in North Wessex, and thence to Aldbrickham by the only
person who knew his present address--the widow who had nursed his
aunt.
Three days later, in the evening, when the sun was going down in
splendour over the lowlands of Blackmoor, and making the Shaston
windows like tongues of fire to the eyes of the rustics in that vale,
the sick man fancied that he heard somebody come to the house, and a
few minutes after there was a tap at the bedroom door. Phillotson
did not speak; the door was hesitatingly opened, and there
entered--Sue.
She was in light spring clothing, and her advent seemed ghostly--like
the flitting in of a moth. He turned his eyes upon her, and flushed;
but appeared to check his primary impulse to speak.
"I have no business here," she said, bending her frightened face to
him. "But I heard you were ill--very ill; and--and as I know that
you recognize other feelings between man and woman than physical
love, I have come."
"I am not very ill, my dear friend. Only unwell."
"I didn't know that; and I am afraid that only a severe illness would
have justified my coming!"
"Yes... yes. And I almost wish you had not come! It is a little
too soon--that's all I mean. Still, let us make the best of it. You
haven't heard about the school, I suppose?"
"No--what about it?"
"Only that I am going away from here to another place. The managers
and I don't agree, and we are going to part--that's all."