I quickly open up the text messaging app and groan when I see the outgoing text Bettie sent to Leo from my phone.
“Bring your sweet ass over tonight at seven. Clothing optional,” I read out loud.
“Hey, leave your phone unattended without a lock code and suffer the consequences,” Bettie shrugs, pushing her chair back from the table and crooking her elbow for Emma Jo to take.
“Come on, Emma Jo, we’ve got a night of pampering to pack for, and Payton needs at least seven hours to shave her pits and weed whack her legs.”
Emma Jo giggles and gives me a sheepish smile when she stands up and grabs Bettie’s outstretched elbow, letting Bettie pull her out of the kitchen.
“YOU ARE BOTH DEAD TO ME!” I shout.
“Then this is me, speaking from beyond the grave when I remind you to trim your bush while you’re at it. No man needs to choke on a hairball!” Bettie yells back from down the hall.
CHAPTER 24
Recorded Interview
June 5, 2016
Bald Knob, KY Police Department
Deputy Lloyd: Have you been in contact with Payton Lambert since the night of May 31st?
Benjamin Montgomery: Of course I’ve been in contact with my fiancée.
Deputy Lloyd: Your fiancée?
Benjamin Montgomery: Yes. We’re getting married!
Deputy Lloyd: So you’ve spoken to her since she arrived in Bald Knob?
Benjamin Montgomery: Yes, of course. She’s my fiancée and we’ve been planning our wedding. Do you happen to know where the Brooks Brothers is in Bald Knob? I need to get a pair of pants tailored while I’m here.
Deputy Lloyd: Um, we don’t have a Brooks Brothers.
Benjamin Montgomery: You don’t have a Brooks Brothers?! What kind of a third-world town is this?
Deputy Lloyd: Sir, can you tell me how Payton behaved when you spoke to her? Was she angry? Did she say anything about an altercation with someone in town?
Benjamin Montgomery: She was deliriously happy, obviously, because we’re getting married.
Deputy Lloyd: Yes, you said that already.
Benjamin Montgomery: What about sushi? What’s the sushi situation here? I haven’t had a decent tuna roll in two days.
Deputy Lloyd: We don’t have any sushi restaurants in Bald Knob, we just have The Hungry Bear. They make a great meatloaf on Mondays and you can’t beat the omelets for breakfast.
Benjamin Montgomery: Do they make kale-and-egg-white omelets?
Deputy Lloyd: Uh, I don’t think so. What’s kale?
Benjamin Montgomery: What’s kale? How do you people even survive here?!
Deputy Lloyd: Mr. Montgomery, can you tell me anything else Payton might have said to you in the last few days about the town or people who live here?
Benjamin Montgomery: We only discussed our wedding. And she clearly left out the fact that this town is on the verge of falling apart. No Brooks Brothers, no sushi, and no kale? This is what Hell is like, isn’t it?
CHAPTER 25
My plan for today? Same as always. Drink coffee and be sexy.
—Coffee Mug
“You look fine, stop fussing with your hair,” Bettie scolds, leaning against the wall, watching me check my reflection in the hallway mirror for the tenth time.
“I look stupid. This is stupid. I’m going to text Leo and tell him I’m sick,” I state, pulling my phone out of the back pocket of my short jean skirt, that I’ve wisely added a lock code to since this morning.
Bettie lunges for me and snatches the phone out of my hand.
“If you tell him you’re sick, I’ll tell him it’s with herpes. You are not cancelling,” she warns me.
“Give me back my phone!” I demand, holding my hand out to her.
“Promise me you won’t cancel or you’re getting herpes ALL over the place. In every nook and cranny and even in your ears. SAY IT!”
“Ugggh, FINE! I won’t cancel. But this is still stupid,” I complain when she hands me back my phone.
“It’s not stupid. I’m an evil genius and my plans always work,” she informs me when Emma Jo comes out into the hall and whistles.
“Wow, you look hot!”
I nervously run my hands down the front of the tattered jean skirt that Bettie brought with her and forced me to wear, telling me all of the clothes I packed were too stuffy and not “Bald Knob” enough. She wouldn’t even let me put on heels, grabbing the teal pair of strappy stilettos that perfectly matched my top out of my hands and tossing them across the room, informing me barefoot and casual was the way to a man like Leo’s heart.
“I hope there isn’t a need for me to bend over at any point tonight or this short scrap of material will ride up and put my lady bits on display,” I mutter, turning around and looking over my shoulder at my ass.
“I think that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?” Emma Jo questions.
“You’ll have to forgive Payton, she’s not very experienced when it comes to the art of seduction,” Bettie laughs.
“Hey, I take pride in the fact that I didn’t lose my virginity until college, and I can count on one hand how many men I’ve slept with,” I reply indignantly.
“You only need half a hand to add up that list,” Bettie reminds me.
“I only need one finger,” Emma Jo adds sadly.
“Jesus, you two need to get out more. You’re so lucky you have me,” Bettie says with a smile.
Seriously, if there’s a list somewhere of worst ideas in the history of the world, trying to seduce Leo and distract him from the things I haven’t told him and keep him occupied with something other than digging deeper into this case is probably right there at the top of it. I’ve slept with exactly two and a half men. The guy I lost my virginity to in college who lasted five seconds and then rolled over and went to sleep, a guy I drunkenly let go down on me right after college who I then rolled over and went to sleep on, and Benjamin. Who wouldn’t have sex unless both of us showered immediately beforehand and refused to get sweaty during the act, which always had to happen in bed, before eight o’clock when Anderson Cooper came on. Let’s just say hot, wild, spur-of-the-moment sex is something I have zero knowledge of. Not that tonight is spur-of-the-moment since it’s sort of planned and I’ve had entirely too much time to freak out about it, but going by how Leo kisses and talks and touches me, I’m pretty confident in the fact that hot and wild will be included on tonight’s menu.