I looked at Jason. “You’re not offering some fantasy where you just add me to you and J.J. for a threesome, are you? Because if that’s it . . .” I looked at him harder.
He grinned and then laughed. “No, I’m not, though if it’s on the table, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Nothing personal to J.J., she’s beautiful, but I can’t see being with her, just the two of us.”
“You went straight to sex, didn’t you? It never occurred to you to just talk to J.J. over coffee about it, did it?” Envy said.
I blushed, a little, and shrugged. “Am I supposed to have a little bisexual coffee klatch?”
“That might help, but that wouldn’t solve my problem,” Jason said.
“Which problem?” I asked.
“You can’t make Freda hate me less, or stop being jealous of J.J., but you could help me explain rough sex to my girlfriend.”
“How?” I asked, and the one word dripped with suspicion.
He grinned, and then his face sobered, happiness gone like a switch, on/off. It hurt me to see him like that.
“Is J.J. really thinking about breaking up with you over the issue?” I asked.
“I’m breaking up with Richard because of it,” Envy said.
“No, it’s not the same. I don’t try to fuck J.J. until it hurts her. She’s sort of my version of the human women Richard dates, the ones he wants the white picket fence with, but I need the rough stuff, too. I just know I’m not going to get it with J.J.”
“Explain it to her the way you told me, that you’ll die without it.” She sounded disdainful.
“You don’t believe us, why should she?” Jason asked.
Envy opened her mouth, started to say something, stopped, and then sipped her tea; again you could watch her thinking.
“So,” I said, “what would help explain it to J.J.?”
“Seeing it,” he said.
I glared at him with no chance he’d jolly me out of it. “I’m not that much of an exhibitionist.”
“I know, and that’s not what I’m asking.”
“What exactly are you asking?”
Nathaniel took my hand in both of his, which made me gaze up into those lavender eyes. I wondered if I’d ever look up into his eyes and not be startled by how pretty they were. “We were thinking that you and I would have sex in the room with Jason and J.J. and just let the differences speak for themselves.”
I gave him wide eyes.
“It wouldn’t be the first time we’d shared a bedroom with another couple, or several, Anita.”
“That’s for feeding the ardeur, or when things get out of hand and we can’t control it. I’ve never agreed to anything like this while sober from the ardeur.”
“Maybe it’s time that you did,” he said, softly.
I opened my mouth, closed it, and didn’t know what to say. Hell, I barely knew what to think. “Well, fuck,” I said, at last.
“That’s the hope,” Jason said.
Domino said, “Sorry to put a damper on the plan, but Nathaniel and Anita alone don’t really go that rough.”
The three of us looked at each other. “How rough do you need her to see, Jason?” I asked.
He thought about it for a moment, and then sighed. “Rougher than you and Nathaniel, probably.”
“I can do rougher,” Nathaniel said.
I patted him. “You can.”
“Anita and I are rougher together than you and she alone,” Jason said.
“Add Nicky and Nathaniel co-topping me and it’s rougher,” I said.
Jason laughed. “I want to introduce J.J. to rougher sex, not scare her to death.”
“Nicky makes love, too,” I said, feeling the need to defend one of my absent lovers.
“I believe you, but I’ve seen his rough, and something about how tall he is, those massive shoulders, and the edge-play bondage takes him out of the comfort zone for me, let alone for J.J.”
Nicky was as blond and blue-eyed as Jason and Envy, but he made everyone here today seem . . . frail. He wasn’t the tallest guard we had, but he did have one of the biggest shoulder spreads, and was just one of those big guys who seemed huge, maybe a combination of physical size and personality. He was also an admitted sociopath, which meant his reaction to situations was either socially perfect or so wrong you had no words for it. I loved him, meaning I was in love with him, and he me, which meant he wasn’t nearly the sociopath he thought he was, just someone with a childhood background so harsh only Nathaniel’s held a candle to it.
“Okay, if Nathaniel and I aren’t rough enough, and you don’t want Nicky, or I assume anyone else in the room, what are the options?” I asked.
“Since it’s Jason’s idea of rough that J.J. needs to see, then he and Anita should be the ones demonstrating,” Envy said.
We all looked at her; maybe they weren’t entirely friendly looks, because she said, “What? That’s the logical choice.”
I looked at Jason. “Do you think J.J. would be okay watching you and me have actual sex?”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask, because Envy’s right, J.J. needs to see what I’m talking about, not what you and Nathaniel do, or you and Nicky.”
And just like that we began to negotiate taking it from an idea to a reality. Every time I thought my sex life couldn’t get weirder, or more complicated, I was so wrong.