And her one true love.
She had to kiss him then. To let him know, without words, just how much he meant to her before she pushed him to go to even more uncomfortable, raw places.
“Your epiphany about how a low sense of self-worth held you back from finding real, honest love is wonderful. The way you’ve dealt with Whitney and banished a powerful emotional vampire from your life is amazing.”
“But?”
“No buts.” She threaded her fingers through his. “How good does it feel to be free of Whitney?”
“Best feeling ever.”
As much as she ached to do it, as much as it would hurt him, she had to ask, “How good do you think it would feel to forgive your mother?”
Chapter Thirty-One
He’d known what Paige would say. Because he’d deliberately opened the door for her.
Knowing a tornado was coming, however, didn’t make its power any less fierce. It still whipped you up, spun you around, threatened to destroy you completely.
Only Paige could have kept him grounded. Only Paige could have kept him whole when everything inside of him was threatening to break apart.
“Whitney was the easy one,” he finally said. “Everything with her ended up being black and white. Cut and dried. But with my mother, there are so many shades, so many sides, to what happened.”
“Each betrayal is different.” Paige’s voice was soft, reaching inside him. “Some people are worthy of a second chance. Some aren’t worthy of any kind of forgiveness. Whitney was calculated, plotting. But your mother was a beaten woman. Her choices weren’t necessarily rational.”
“No, she wasn’t rational. She couldn’t be when she was scared out of her mind.” He leaned into the silky feel of Paige’s hair against his cheek, her warmth. She made everything seem good, even when the bad threatened to overwhelm. She was solid, even in the midst of chaos. Her hands on his arms, the caress of her fingers—even through his shirt, the sensation worked some sort of alchemy on him. She made all his jumbled thoughts and emotions seem so much clearer. “What my mother did by leaving me was wrong.” That fact would never change. But there were more facts that he needed to give his mother credit for. “Before she left, she did her best to protect me from my father by hiding me or taking the beatings herself. And when she found out she was pregnant, she made the only choice she could for the twins, two defenseless babies, to protect them as best she could.”
Paige soothed him with her touch. “I’m so sorry for what that man did to you both.”
“I am too.” He pulled back, stroked his fingers over her cheek. “He had too much power over her, over me, while he was alive. He’s been gone a long time, and both of us need to stop letting him have that power. We both need to move on. Fully. Completely.” He forced himself to acknowledge the painful memories one more brutal time. And then he finally let them go. “My mother did an amazing job raising the twins. They’re good people. Because of her.”
“Do you realize that you’ve been calling her your mother? Instead of Theresa?”
“Maybe,” he said slowly, “my feelings are changing.” He was changing, with Paige’s help. “But I’m afraid she’ll continue to make bad choices.”
“If she does,” Paige said, “do you think you can love her and forgive her anyway?”
The answer hit him like a lightning bolt aimed straight at his heart.
“Yes. I can.” After all these years, he suddenly saw things clearly. “Because she isn’t the only one who’s made, and who will likely keep making, mistakes.”
“No,” Paige said, emotion brimming in the short word. “She isn’t. Not even close. We’re human, so we make mistakes. All of us.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “Sorry for all the mistakes I made with you. Sorry for all the mistakes I’ll make in the future.”
“I forgive you. For all of it.” Her lips trembled. “Just as I hope you’ll forgive me for not telling you how I felt nine years ago. And for pushing you again and again to face the darkness when I know how hard and painful it is to walk back into the shadows.”
“I love you.”
Her eyes widened, then her tears spilled over.
“I love you, Paige.”
He wanted to say it again and again. A billion times. Now that he’d finally said the words, he couldn’t stop. He never would. She would just have to get used to hearing those three little words a thousand times a day. Days, weeks, years, decades that he couldn’t wait to spend with her. To explore with her by his side. In his heart.
“I love you so damned much. I love you for being so damned brave. I love you for being so damned steadfast. I love you for pushing me to see that my mother deserves my forgiveness. And that I do too, for being so blind that I picked the wrong woman. I love you, Paige, for being joy and light and wonder.” He held her tight to his heart, his body, his soul. “I love you with everything I am.”
* * *
Evan loved her.
He’d forgiven his mother. He’d changed his life. He was whole.
And he was hers.
Finally.
“I love you,” she said as he dipped his head to kiss her throat. “You’re everything I could ever want.”
“Tell me what you want, Paige.” He lifted his face to hers. “Tell me, and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want. Everything you want.”