I knew because as I walked away, he watched me the entire time. He watched me like he wanted to watch me forever.
I knew this because I was looking back at him thinking the exact same thing.
Chapter Three
My eyes felt swollen as I pried them open at the sound of the knock on my bedroom door. I felt crunchiness in the corners and on my lashes. Salt from my tears. Grounding them out, I tumbled from my bed, catching myself on the desk that was squished in close in the narrow space. My room was long but not wide, which gave me a slight space problem. It was also taking me a while to get used to sleeping in a twin again.
“Charley, it’s Maggie. You there?”
“Coming,” I mumbled, flinching at the sight of myself in my mirror.
I looked like hell.
After I cried in Claudia’s arms the night before, I told her that the guy chasing us out of the party was Jake. She knew all about Jake. She knew Jake was the reason I was a failure at relationships.
My body still ached with tension as I was reminded of the reality of the situation.
Jake was here. In Edinburgh. At college. In the same city as me.
It was too painful to contemplate this early in the morning.
I pulled my door open a fraction and Maggie’s eyes widened a little at my current state. “You have a visitor.”
My eyes narrowed. “Who?”
“Beck.”
Beck was here to see me? Why? I sighed heavily. “Tell him I’ll be right out.” I closed the door and turned back to find my jeans. I shimmied out of my pajama shorts, pulled on jeans and a hoodie, and scraped my hair back in a ponytail. The truth was I didn’t give a crap if I looked like shit. Beck was hot, yes, but I had no intention of going there. Especially not when Claudia had a crush on him.
Upon opening my door to step out, I found myself forcefully shoved back inside by my best friend. Claudia flipped the lock in a hurry and then slammed her back against the door. Her gaze drifted over me and she paled. “You cannot go out there like that.”
“It’s just Beck,” I grumbled.
Claudia shook her head. “Lying redhead alert.”
I guessed she was alluding to Maggie but had no clue what she meant. My expression said so.
She sighed. “It’s not Beck. It’s Jake.”
I sucked in a breath at the news. “Why would the redhead lie?”
“He probably asked her to lie.”
“Either that or she saw the drama between us last night. She knew I wouldn’t go out if I knew it was him.” My heart pounded in my chest. “I’m not going out there.”
“Not looking like that.”
I ignored my friend’s look of disgust and threw myself on my bed. “Not ever. Tell him to go.”
Thankfully, Claudia didn’t argue with me. She disappeared for a few minutes and when she returned, she came right over to crawl onto the bed beside me. “He’s gone. He looked like I’d just told him Santa wasn’t real.”
“Do you feel sorry for him?” I wasn’t sure if I did or not.
Claudia shook her head. “I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know him. All I know is what he did to you. I also know it was pretty bad what he went through and, you know, it can take time to get over these things. Maybe he just wants to apologize.”
I turned my head, wishing like hell the knifelike pain in my chest would just disappear already. “I don’t know if I have it in me to listen to that apology. It took me a while to get over it, and now he’s back in my face again, reminding me of everything …”
We lay in silence for a while until eventually I turned my head on the duvet to stare at Claudia’s stunning profile. “What happened last night with Beck?”
Claud’s lip curled and I couldn’t quite read what that expression meant even as she replied, “He said I’m a good girl and he doesn’t mess with good girls because he wasn’t a one-woman kind of guy.”
My eyes widened. “He said that?”
“Mmm-hmm. He said he likes me. Wants to be friends.”
“At least he’s honest, I guess. Are you going to be friends with him?”
Claudia shrugged. “Sure, why not. I don’t do manwhores, no matter how hot they are, but he’s fun. Friends. Whatever.”
“Are you sure my eyes aren’t puffy anymore?” I asked, ducking my head as we walked up the cobbled lane toward the college.
“No puffiness or redness in sight. You look hot. You always look hot,” Claudia said a little absentmindedly.
“Are you nervous about seeing Beck again?”
“Nervous? Why on earth would I be nervous?”
I ignored her and kept following Maggie, Gemma, and Laura. They’d heard we were going to the student union to hang out with Beck and they’d invited themselves along. Beck was a popular draw.
Claudia had come into the kitchen at dinner to tell me she’d just spoken with Beck and he’d invited us to hang out at the student union. At first, I was wary. It turned out Beck and Jake were best friends at Northwestern, so Beck had called Claudia to ask if I was okay. Apparently, Jake had told him our whole story. Claudia hadn’t told him anything about my reaction to seeing Jake but she said she wasn’t sure if we were free. Beck had caught the hint and assured her that Jake wouldn’t be there.
The student union had a number of locations across the university, but the one we were headed to was Teviot. Teviot was housed in a beautiful, old, Gothic-style building on the main campus at Bristo Square. It had a nightclub inside, a couple of different bars including this really cool Library Bar Claud and I had checked out the day we got our IDs.
Beck had texted Claud to let us know they were in the Teviot Lounge bar. We followed our roommates up the stairs and into a crowded space that had the typical look of a British pub. Everywhere was dark wood, low lights, comfortable seating, and hardwood, hardwearing furniture. The smell of stale beer was a little overwhelming but it was a given in a bar with carpeted floors. We squeezed past the students milling around the doors, and I followed Claudia as she checked out the room for our newest friend.
She grabbed my hand. “He’s over there.”
I couldn’t see him yet, but I followed her as she pulled me through the crowd. We came to a stop at a table around the corner from the bar. Beck was standing with Matt, while Lowe, Rowena, and some guy I didn’t recognize sat at a small table next to them.
We’d lost our roommates and for a second, I pondered looking for them. They had specifically come with us to see Beck. Then again, they were twenty years old … they didn’t need a tour guide or a babysitter.
“Charley, Claudia, glad you could come,” Beck greeted us. “Let me get you a beer.”
He disappeared before we could say yay or nay and Matt, the blond from the party, smiled at us. “We met last night,” he nodded to me and then turned to Claud, “but I definitely would remember meeting you, and we definitely did not.” Matt’s grin widened.
She smiled politely back. “I’m Claudia.”
“Claudia, this is Lowe.” Lowe winked at her and then lifted his beer in greeting to me. “Rowena.” She gave us a friendly wave. “And our buddy, Denver. It was his party last night. Poor guy got stuck in different accommodation from us.”
Denver had messy dark hair that fell to his chin. He wore a lot of silver jewelry, a tight Black Sabbath shirt, and a pair of black skinny jeans and motorcycle boots. Matt seemed to be the odd one out, but still, there was something about the group…
“Are you guys in a band?”
Matt grinned. “Yeah. We play a lot in Evanston.”
“We have a few gigs lined up here,” Lowe added, his gaze fixed on me.
I was impressed. “How did you manage to swing that so quickly?”
Lowe shrugged. “We sent out demos to a couple of pubs and bars before we got here. Arranged some dates. We have to rent a drum kit, which is a bummer, but it would be an even bigger bummer to be here for a year and not play one f**king gig.”
“What are you guys called?” Claudia asked, seeming interested, which surprised me since she wasn’t big into music unless it was classical or country.
“The Stolen.” Beck appeared behind us with two beers. I thought that was impressively fast considering the line at the bar. No doubt he charmed his way through the crowd. “We’re indie rock.”
“I told them people will love them here,” Rowena piped up with a big smile.
“Oh my God, you’re Scottish,” I replied, somewhat stupidly.
“Aye.”
Feeling like an idiot, I tried to explain my “duh” moment. “I just thought you were American with you being with the guys and …” I drifted off, actually not sure why I’d assumed she was American.
She shook her head. “I live across the hall fae Denver. Ma flatmates are aliens. Denver saved me fae them.”
“She’s our token Scot,” Denver joked, throwing his arm around her shoulder. “We’re keeping her around for the accent. It does help, though, that the girl knows good music.”
Rowena looked perfectly happy tucked into his side and I wondered absentmindedly if she was more than his token Scot.
We all fell easily into conversation, Matt hogging Claudia’s attention, his gaze almost stunned as they talked. He was captivated and I instantly felt bad for him because I knew Claudia didn’t feel the same. When Claudia liked a guy, she was pretty obvious about it. Beck could attest to that—Beck, who, I noticed, was watching Claudia with an intensity that surprised me for someone who apparently wasn’t into her. He finally caught me studying him and he grinned, his expression teasing as he stepped near me.
“So,” he leaned his head down close to mine, “I know your friend is a good girl, but I still haven’t made up my mind about you.”
I didn’t know if he was coming onto me or just making conversation, but I thought I better lay it out for him anyway. “I don’t do bad boys.”
His eyes narrowed. “Anymore.”
My gaze sharpened at his insinuation and Beck shrugged. “Jake’s like a brother. He tells me everything.”
I looked away, my heartbeat picking up at the mention of him. Trying for nonchalant, I took a swig of beer. If I was to go by Beck’s next comment, I’d obviously failed.
“Look, the guy feels like shit about the way he treated you. You should give him a chance to say it.”
Making a face that I’m sure screamed “bitter,” I turned back to Beck. “He knows where I live. He’s known for three and a half years and he’s had that whole time to apologize.”
Beck sighed, every ounce of bad boy melting out of him as he told me solemnly, “It took Jake a long time to get over what happened. When he finally started to breathe again, he realized how much he’d f**ked it up with you … but it was already done. It was too late.” He made a helpless gesture. “I could go on for hours, but it’s not my place. Just give the guy a chance to explain, okay?”
Everything he said reminded me of the pain and anger in Jake’s eyes. The blame and guilt. He’d aimed it at the wrong person but that didn’t mean he wasn’t entitled to those feelings. I knew that. It just made the whole situation between us that much harder. However, I didn’t know if I could be in the same room with him and be okay. I chewed on it, my eyes slipping away from Beck’s to gaze around the room. They didn’t get very far.
Standing in the crowd around the bar was Jake and the brunette he’d been with last night. That sharp pain in my chest resurfaced as I watched Jake cradle the nape of her neck in his strong hand and hold her as he spoke to her.
He used to hold me in that exact same way, except he always had to duck his head a little to meet my eyes. Although I teased him about his alpha-male handling of me, I’d secretly loved it. I always imagined he’d held me by the nape because he wanted my entire focus on him. It was at once protective and sexual.
And I’d thought it was only for me.
I felt Beck move closer as I watched them. I tilted my jaw a little in his direction without taking my eyes off Jake. “He definitely looks like he’s over the whole thing now.”
“Melissa’s a good girl,” Beck replied, drawing my attention back to him. He watched Jake for a minute and then turned to me with a sad shrug. “She’s helped him a lot. He deserves that kind of happiness. Don’t you think? After everything … he deserves a good girl to stand by him.”
He had a good girl who stood by him, I thought angrily, my eyes flashing before the pain overtook.
Beck must’ve caught that pain because he instantly flinched and cursed under his breath. I felt his fingers graze my cheek gently. “Charley, ignore me. That was the wrong thing to say. I know that. Jake knows that. But … actually, you know what …” He shook his head. “I don’t know about any of it from your side, so I’m just going to shut the f**k up.” He chucked my chin affectionately and turned back to the group, throwing out some off-the-cuff remark to Matt who sent him a death glare for mocking him in front of Claudia.
I could only stand there, frozen by the knowledge that not only was Jake Caplin here at the same college as me, but he was also here with another girl he’d fallen in love with.
To hell with that.
Throwing back the last of my beer, I dropped it on the nearest table and without a word to Claudia or anyone, I turned on my heel, letting my hair fall over my cheek in the hopes that Jake wouldn’t recognize me as I passed. I hurried out of the lounge and down the staircase, thinking I was home free as I hit the concrete stairs outside, gulping in the cool summer air.