“Yes, Beau.” I hold back my eye roll and step into one of my new dresses Kelly helped me pick out yesterday. It’s not my first rodeo with these ladies, but it is the first time without a tail.
“I’m not fucking messing around, darlin’.”
“Beau, I’m not some eighteen-year-old girl who doesn’t know her surroundings. Do you think I’m naïve? Zip me up?” I step up to my bed and turn my back for him to complete my request.
“Darlin’, your crazy asshole ex is still out there. You’re lucky I’m even letting you out of my sight.” His fingers find the zipper and he pulls it up in a slow and deliberate pace that ends in a kiss on my exposed shoulder.
“He obviously isn’t coming back. It’s been over three months, or he would have by now. I’m sure we can relax a little more,” I reply to his overprotectiveness. I hate that he’s still so wired when I’ve become complacent. Guilt continues to pester me. I have made him this way, asked him to be this person. And even though it hurts me now, there is no way I can undo it. Not now. Maybe with time, he too will let it go.
Then again, maybe not.
“Don’t fuck around with me on this, Mackenzie.” He spins me back to face him. “I’m not relaxing until he’s found.” His eyes hold on to mine and a wave of anxiety washes over me.
I wish it didn’t have to be like this.
“And if you never find him, Beau?” I croak, quickly clearing my throat.
“Then you’re stuck with me.” His gaze leaves mine and travels down my body, and I’m thankful. I don’t know if I can hide my uneasiness any longer.
“Fuck, this dress isn’t good, darlin’.” I look down at my black figure-hugging, one-shoulder dress. I wasn’t too sure when Kelly showed me it on the hanger, but as soon as I stepped into it, I knew it was perfect.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“I’m fucking hard just with one look.” He stands and steps in close to me so his erection sits against my stomach.
“I’m not changing.” I blurt the first thing that comes to mind.
“Didn’t ask you to.” He trails his finger along the low dip of my cleavage. He’s right. He didn’t say anything about changing.
“But you want me to, right?” I remember all the times Chad asked me to change and dictated what I wore.
“I do, for my own selfish reasons. But I’m not gonna tell you to change.” He steps out of my space and sits back on the bed.
“Is this like some reverse psychology?” I question, not sure what he’s playing at.
“No darlin’. I might not like the thought of some sleazy fucker checking you out, but I’m not gonna tell you to change outfits to meet my wants or needs.” He rests back against my headboard and crosses his feet at the ankles.
“You’re not?” I ask, watching him carefully.
“Not him, darlin’. I might like to control you when I’m fucking you, but you’re your own woman. You wear what the fuck you want to wear. I’ll deal.” I don’t say anything for a second, unsure how to respond. He’s right. He’s nothing like Chad. My mouth wants to blurt I love you, but my head forces it to shut up. Instead of talking, I spin and move to my dresser to finish my makeup.
The room stays quiet for a few minutes, the soft sounds of me searching around my makeup bag the only thing between us until Beau speaks again.
“So, who is going to this girls’ night?” He changes the subject and I take a breath.
“Just Kadence, Holly, Kelly, Bell, oh and, Lissy.” I lean close to the mirror and brush my eyelashes with mascara, trying to play it cool, but know I fail when his eyes catch my awkwardness.
“There a reason you just cringed saying her name?” My eyes find his again and I watch him raise a brow.
“Well, you know, because of your past together.” I drop my mascara into my makeup bag and keep my gaze on myself. I’m not sure what I should tell him. Am I threatened by Lissy because she had sex with Beau? Yes and no. The woman is stunning, at least ten years younger than me, and she’s seen Beau’s cock.
Okay, who am I kidding? Yeah, I’m threatened by her.
“Come here, Mackenzie.” His request is firm and leaves no room for me to argue. Placing my makeup brush down, I turn back and walk to him.
“You worried about Lissy?” He sits up and shifts to the side of the bed, pulling me to stand in front of him. I shrug my answer, not really sure if I do have a problem with Lissy personally or if it’s solely on what she represents.
“That’s not an answer, darlin’.”
“Fine, I’ll be honest. I’m not comfortable knowing you’ve been with her. I’d prefer I didn’t have those images in my head,” I concede, giving him the truth. I know he can’t help it. We both have our own pasts, mine colorful to say the least, but he doesn’t have to go out and pretend like it doesn’t bother him.
“Can’t change my past, Kenz. Been with a lot of women. Not gonna lie. But there’s only one of you.”
“You tell those lines to all the girls, Beau?” I force myself not to roll my eyes at his smooth line or the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.
“Never told a woman that line before, darlin’.” I still and drop my smile. Something passes between us before I realize he’s serious. “This isn’t just some fuck for me. I think I made it clear the first night I had you in my bed, darlin’.” He did. I remember. But it still doesn’t stop the insecurity. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I can’t be who he needs me to be?