My jaw tightened and I inhaled a deep breath through my nostrils. “I need to see her.”
“Felicia is with her now, but I'm sure she'll let you see her later.”
I turned and walked away, angry at the world. Cassandra didn’t deserve this. I wanted to hit something, destroy everything in my way to get to her. It was harder to breath, my neck painfully stiff. I needed some fresh air.
I rode the elevator to the ground floor and walked out into the parking garage. I rested my back against a cement pillar and pulled out my phone. There were two text messages from Julia, and a new message from an unknown number.
The first text was at 1:32: Everything's fine here. Mom said she’d keep Oliver as long as you needed. I hope everything is going all right. Luv u
I tried to smile but my lips did not move. I sighed, relieved I didn’t have to worry about my boy, but devastated at the thought of having to explain this. He loved Cassandra.
The next text was at 4:46: Just checking in. Let me know when there is any news. I’m coming back from the city now. I’m praying for her. Love u.
Taking a deep breath, I scrolled to my voice mail, and hit play.
“Hello darling, it's me. Natasha. I know last night came as a surprise, but I really needed to see you. I miss you and want to come back home. Please Logan. I love you. I'll stop by later at your house.”
Anger ripped through me. I hung up, gripping the phone in my hands. I hadn’t missed the fact that she had not even bothered to acknowledge Oliver, her own son. She was a manipulative bitch, yet I fell for her. I blamed my young age. I was in my first year of college, on spring break, when she entered my life and turned it upside down. It wasn’t love, I thought it was, wanted to believe it, but it was only lust. The only thing we did right was create our son. Something I could never regret.
Natasha was in for a real treat if she stopped by my house tonight. Julia was staying there over winter break and from the sound of it would be there soon. I finally managed a smile—Julia would tear her apart.
I slid the annoying device back in the pocket of my jeans just as it beeped. Frantically I pulled it back out. There was a new text message from Caleb.
Hilary wants to go home. We'll be back in the morning. You need anything?
It wasn’t the message I wanted. Why couldn’t someone just tell me she’d be fine. I leaned against the pillar and replied.
No
Exhausted, I rolled my head back staring up at nothing.
My legs grew heavy, pulling me down to the ground in agony. With my knees tightly against my chest, I rested my head and for once let go. Fat tears escaped for the first time in years. I wasn’t a crier, not since a child and even then only when I broke my arm falling from a tree when I was eight. When Natasha walked away, I didn’t cry a single time. I drank and made money. That’s what I do, what I did before I met Cassandra anyway, worked hard and fucked harder.
Looking up at the clock in the empty waiting room, I sighed. It was just after three in the morning and my body was fighting against my futile attempts to stay awake. I couldn’t take it any longer, my burning eyes began sliding shut, until the double doors opened and Felicia Clarke walked into the room.
I stood immediately, jumping to my feet and approached her, gauging her expression. Her posture told me everything I didn’t want to hear, but I refused to believe anything without seeing it for myself.
Cassandra was healthy and strong. She would fight with everything she had in her.
“Felicia,” I said, pulling her attention away from her feet.
“Oh hi…um… Logan.” She attempted to pull on a smile, but it didn’t stick. She frowned, barely holding herself together. Her face was pale-white surrounded by bright-red eyes. “Have you been here this whole time?” she asked, tugging her purse up her arm.
“Cassandra and I have become…really close,” I said, unsure what we were after everything that happened. “How is she?”
Felicia shook her head and looked away sniffling. Tears were bubbled up in her eyes when she finally looked back.
“She hasn't woken up yet. I…I need to go home. I need to unpack and—” Her sobs poured out as she cupped her mouth. “I'm sorry. I just can't be here right now. I don't want her to wake up and see me like this. I'm always so strong for her, but I just need…oh…I don't know what I need. I don't want her to wake up alone either but—”
I stepped closer and Felicia wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly for support. She needed comfort and I was not going to refuse her. She was Cassandra's mother and the truth was, it soothed me as well. She loved Cassandra and for that I felt instantly connected to her.
We stood silently, my hands around her back as she continued to cry. Once she settled, her breathing evening, chest relaxing after a few long minutes, I finally spoke.
“I could sit with her,” I offered, hopeful.
Felicia pulled away and took a tissue from her pocket.
I continued, more eager than ever in my life. “I'm staying all night anyway.” I sighed, wiping my hand over my forehead and through my hair, anxious. “Please, it would mean everything to me.”
“Yeah, of course.” Felicia's voice was broken. She dabbed the tissue under her eyes.
Felicia gave me an appreciative smile and walked back to the double doors. She pressed the buzzer and spoke too softly to overhear. After a brief moment she turned around and gave a single nod. The weight lifted from me. I’d see Cassandra soon. Sit with her, hold her hand, just be there for her.
“Thank you,” Felicia said softly.
I watched as Felicia waited for the elevator and then turned back to the desk.
“This way, Mr. West,” The nurse said, pulling my attention to the double doors I had anxiously waited to enter all day.
Walking through them made everything real again. My legs were heavy and my heart was ready to explode as we walked past another nurses’ station.
“Cassandra's mother said you could stay with her until she returns. Here you go.” The nurse slid the glass door open and waited for me to enter.
At the sight in front of me, my body instantly grew slack. Cassandra was still asleep, but with all the bruises, wires and tubes, I hardly recognized her.
Her beautiful glowing face was marred with deep-purple bruises, but the blood that covered it at the scene had been washed away. A long bandage covered her arm and the blankets were pulled to her chest covering her body.
“The buzzer is right here if you need anything.”
The nurse’s voice faded to a murmur as I sat in the chair next to Cassandra and reached out to hold her hand.
“I'll leave you alone then.” The door shut behind me, but my attention was focused solely on the woman lying helpless in front of me.
Unsure where it was safe to touch her without causing her pain, I caressed my fingertips up and down her arm. I needed the connection, to feel her close to me. She had been in my arms, her body nearly one with me, lips demanding mine. And now here she lay. With one hand holding hers, I brought the other up and gently brushed across her cheek.
“Oh, sweetheart.” I sighed heavily. “What have I done?” I leaned forward and lowered my lips to her cheek, but pulled back. I didn't deserve to kiss her.