CELESTE STIRRED UP THINGS INSIDE ROXANNE. IN ADDITION TO increasing, if that were even possible, her aversion to Mr. Harris - and Leonard for bringing him into their lives -, she left her thinking, for a couple of days, about Alan. Mentally granting him a further period to come back with a good excuse, leaving the door to her heart ajar for him before closing it once and for all. Because it's really not that easy to conceive, even if she already knew of this experience through other people, that someone can show an interest in you and then, for no apparent reason, simply ignore you. She wondered if he might have noticed what she was starting to feel for Joseph, or if…
If she spent too much time wondering and worrying, she'd come up with so many theories that would explain why he'd changed his mind about her, and she'd, in the end, blame herself - she was sure because Lorraine had told her she and her mother each had felt that way after being abandoned.
She realized feeling guilty was the easiest thing to do, and yet the silliest. Whatever she'd done to attract Alan, she'd also done to push him away. Consciously nothing. And, besides, she didn't know him well enough to discern whether this was just his usual behavior. Furthermore, what did it matter? It was Joseph she was having increasingly stronger feelings for. So, why should she beat herself up about it? Nevertheless, she'd read enough love stories, fantasies though they were, to know that the first kiss is important and that it hurts to feel rejected, even if you don't care much for the rejecter. And common sense told her it was human and natural to feel that way. Luckily, there came a time when she received help to close the gap she'd left open.
Joseph once again proposed going away. This time, he gave her two options: going to the Earth or staying on Playa, where another medical research centre was being built and he might get a job.
"Playa is a fantastic place. I haven't had the chance to go yet, but I've seen pictures and I tell you it's quite a beauty. Its name means beach, and it was called that way because the beaches there are comparable to - sometimes superior to - the most beautiful ones on Earth. And it is so much closer. It would only require five months of travel, not a year, and I'm sure there we could create a whole new life, at our pace, away from bad memories."
Roxanne wasn't sure whether Joseph's words involved the things she was understanding.