Chapter 1348: ‘Selling Crutches’ (First half)
Translator: Legge Editor: Legge
The countdown to midnight began.
There were only 15 minutes left to go.
…
In the production control room.
Zhang Ye sat there and gave commands speedily.
“Camera 2, cut over there!”
“Yes.”
“Dim the lights a little on the left!”
“OK.”
“That’s not enough, dim it further.”
“Understood.”
“Camera 5, pay attention when you’re doing the close-up later!”
“Alright, Director Zhang.”
Next to him, two makeup artists were putting makeup on him. At this moment, Zhang Ye’s image was of a country bumpkin. He was dressed in a very simple dark blue getup and even wore a hat on his head.
Ha Qiqi came running in. “Aiyo, Director Zhang, why aren’t you in the waiting zone yet? You’re on deck, up next!”
“I’m coming.” Zhang Ye dished out several more instructions worriedly.
Ha Qiqi quickly said, “I’ll take care of things here, so don’t worry.”
Zhang Ye instructed, “Alright, Old Ha, remember to pay attention to the camera angles.”
Ha Qiqi said, “OK, OK, I’ll remind them. Just hurry up and go. Teacher Yao and Teacher Shanshan are both standing by and waiting for you!”
Zhang Ye said, “Alright, I know.”
…
Backstage.
The executives of the Spring Festival Gala’s organizing committee were going around and inspecting the ongoing work. They were instructing the staff to pay attention as midnight was approaching, and it was at that time that everyone would have to be even more prepared for anything that might crop up.
When they came to the door of the staff room, they could hear the sound of a TV drifting out from within.
“Is there someone in there?”
“Who’s inside?”
“They’re watching the Spring Festival Gala in there?”
The several executives frowned. One of them pushed the door open to go in.
A staff member on the production team standing in the distance quickly called out when he saw them. “Sir, don’t. It’s—”
Who is it?
It doesn’t matter who it is!
Everyone is busy working, so why is someone in there lazing around?
When the door was opened, the several executives on the organizing committee were startled!
In the room that wasn’t big, the live broadcast of the Spring Festival Gala could be seen on the screen of a small television. The exceedingly beautiful woman sitting before it turned out to be Wu Zeqing.
“Aiyo!”
“Chief Wu?”
“Why are you here?”
“Chief Wu?”
The executives were a little stunned.
Wu Zeqing turned her head to look at them and smiled. “Old He, Old Wang, it’s all of you?”
One of the executives asked, “Did you come to check on the work too?”
Wu Zeqing shook her head. “No.”
Another executive wondered, “Have you been in here all this while? Hai, if we knew you were here, we would’ve prepared an office for you. It’s Lunar New Year’s Eve; why aren’t you spending it at home?”
Wu Zeqing giggled. “Hur hur, my husband is busy working here, so there’s no point in me staying home. Wherever he is, I’ll naturally be there to spend the new year with him.” She then waved them off and said, “Alright, I’m not talking anymore. My husband’s act is coming up.”
The executives were overcome with emotion.
Director Zhang took charge of the Spring Festival Gala.
Chief Wu was giving him her support by staying up and accompanying him here.
Just see how good their relationship is!
…
On TV.
The hosts had been talking onstage for quite a while.
It was finally time for the finale act to make its appearance!
Yan Mei laughed in joy and said, “I saw a couple backstage earlier with a pair of crutches and was wondering what they were doing with it. Shall we take a look to find out?”
The info box appeared.
Skit: “Selling Crutches”
Script: Zhang Ye
Performers: Zhang Ye, Dong Shanshan, Yao Jiancai
…
Online.
“Wow!”
“As expected!”
“Damn, it’s really Zhang Ye who’s up for the finale!”
“Bro, that’s so awesome! How brave would he have to be!”
“Can this skit meet the expectations of a finale?”
“Selling crutches? It sounds really ordinary.”
…
At Zhang Ye’s maternal grandma’s house.
His grandpa said excitedly, “It’s beginning!”
His auntie shouted, “It’s Little Ye himself who’s taking the finale act!”
His third sister was so excited that she lay in front of the TV. “Brother’s about to come on!”
His eldest younger sister said in annoyance, “Mengmeng, don’t block the TV!”
His second sister shouted, “I’m so looking forward to this! Let’s go Brother!”
His parents were staring at the screen unblinkingly and feeling a little nervous!
…
During a phone call.
“Hello, Old Sun!”
“Big Sis Li, happy new year!”
“Are you watching the Spring Festival Gala?”
“Uh, no.”
“Go and watch it! Zhang Ye is coming on soon!”
“It’s finally his turn? OK, OK!”
…
In a household.
“It’s Zhang Ye!”
“Aunt, it’s your turn to play a card.”
“Let’s stop playing for a while.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Let’s continue after we finish watching the finale skit.”
“Aiya, we can just play as we watch.”
“It’s the finale skit, so we need to pay close attention to it. I can’t concentrate on playing cards.”
“Alright then, let’s watch it together.”
…
In the crosstalk world.
“I really want to see just what kind of a skit Zhang Ye can come up with.”
“Last time, his skit was really controversial.”
“That one about table tennis, right? Hur hur, he’s still not suited to acting in skits. I expected him to do a crosstalk for his self-directed Spring Festival Gala.”
“He actually put himself in the finale act?”
“Yeah, isn’t he afraid that he’ll get screwed over?”
“I have to admit that this year’s Spring Festival Gala is indeed spectacular and wonderful. But who doesn’t know the importance of the finale act? If he suddenly screws it up at the end, the entire Spring Festival Gala is done for! All of the prior hard work will be tarnished by this skit of his!”
“Let’s see how he chooses to wrap this up.”
“It definitely won’t be as good as the earlier skits.”
…
More and more people had come back to their televisions!
More and more Chinese people abroad had turned on their televisions!
It was impossible to count the total number of people watching!
300 million!
500 million!
600 million!
The staff in charge of tabulating the statistics were petrified by the figures. The few of them looked dumbfoundedly at the computer that was collecting the data!
Chinese people from all over the world were waiting to watch Zhang Ye’s finale act just before midnight!
They were hoping to be surprised!
They were hoping for a last hurrah!
…
On TV.
The cameras cut to the stage 1 .
Zhang Ye and Dong Shanshan were already onstage. Around them, the set looked very normal. It was on the streets and there was a long bench. Their clothes and style especially dumbfounded the audience. This was clearly a rural image, with Zhang Ye looking like a country bumpkin, while Dong Shanshan looked even more so. She was dressed in a little red jacket and wore a headscarf. Her face was deliberately made to look uglier as well!
Pfft!
What kind of an image was this?
Why did they look like that?
Dong Shanshan called out to him, “Hey, Great Trickster! Great Trickster!”
Zhang Ye was carrying a pair of crutches and strolling. Hearing that, he couldn’t help but turn around slowly. “Why are you shouting Great Trickster? I came out here to sell these today, so can you not call me by my nickname?”
The audience:
“Great Huckster?”
“Nickname?”
“Hahahaha!”
Dong Shanshan said helplessly, “Our child’s father.”
Zhang Ye replied, “Yes?”
Dong Shanshan smacked her lips and said, “In my opinion, why don’t you forget about selling these crutches? Everyone out on the streets has got a good pair of legs, so who would buy them from you?”
Zhang Ye curled his lips and said, “Nonsense. You’re asking me not to sell them? To make these crutches, I spent an entire day and night not sleeping putting in the effort and materials to make them. If I don’t sell them, how would I make a profit?”
Dong Shanshan: “Aiya, but everyone on the streets is completely healthy, so who are you gonna sell them to!”
Zhang Ye gave a slight laugh. “Don’t you know me well? And to think that you were calling me Great Trickster just now. I can trick good into evil, depression into joy, sharp into dull. Even if a couple is getting along perfectly fine, I can trick them into breaking up! And to sell these crutches today, I can trick someone with a good pair of legs into thinking that they’re lame!”
The audience laughed, “Pfft!”
So he intends to scam people!
Trick someone into thinking that they’re lame?
Just how on earth are you gonna do that!
With this opening, the audience quickly became curious!
Dong Shanshan: “Haha, come off it!”
Zhang Ye: “You don’t believe me?”
Dong Shanshan curled her lips. “I don’t believe that anyone who can walk perfectly fine can be tricked into thinking that they’re lame!”
Zhang Ye: “Just watch, this is where my strength lies.”
Dong Shanshan snorted and laughed. “Like I wouldn’t know where your strength lies? My child’s father, he’s really interesting, you know? When he heard that someone bought a horse, he went over there to try to sell them a harness. When he heard that someone bought a motorbike, he went over to try to sell them a helmet. When he heard that someone had insomnia, he went over to try to sell them some sleeping pills. When he heard—
Zhang Ye waved it off. “Stop rambling, that is called demand and supply. You’ve gotta grab the opportunities!”
Dong Shanshan giggled. “But your opportunity spotting can be wrong at times too!”
Zhang Ye spread his hands. “These crutches were a mistake, I guess.”
Dong Shanshan pouted and said, “When he heard that a neighbor had broken his leg driving a tractor, he got greedy and made this pair of crutches in advance. But the neighbor was so badly injured that he had to use a wheelchair after he was discharged from the hospital, so the crutches couldn’t be sold.”
A wheelchair?
The audience laughed, “Hahahaha!”
Zhang Ye harrumphed. “Don’t worry, I’ll definitely sell away this pair of crutches (guǎi) today.”
Dong Shanshan: “But everyone out here has no problems walking, so who will you sell it to?”
Zhang Ye: “My dear wife, we’ll specially identify someone who can walk well today and sell these to him. I’ll show you how good I am at swindling.”
Dong Shanshan: “Aren’t you cheating people this way?”
Zhang Ye laughed. “He who takes the bait, know that? Help me out by shouting for buyers.”
Dong Shanshan: “But I don’t know how to trick people.”
Zhang Ye: “Just play it by ear, alright? Hey, there’s someone coming, start shouting!”
At this moment, Yao Jiancai came out onto the stage!
In countrified getup, he was riding a bicycle and passing by.
Dong Shanshan reluctantly shouted, “Ah, make a turn (guǎi), make a turn (guǎi)!”
Yao Jiancai, riding his bicycle, started swerving more and more. “Oh, ai.”
The audience laughed.
“Make a turn (guǎi)! Make a turn (guǎi)!” Dong Shanshan tucked her hands in her sleeves and shouted.
Yao Jiancai braked. “Hey, hey, why are you randomly issuing orders? Do you even know where I’m going when you asked me to turn?”
The audience laughed, “Hahahaha!”
Zhang Ye reminded her, “Peddle the wares.”
Dong Shanshan shouted, “Selling (mài)! Selling (mài)!”
Zhang Ye said angrily to her, “What are we selling?”
Dong Shanshan: “Crutches (guǎi).”
Zhang Ye: “Put it together.”
Dong Shanshan shouted even louder, “Abduction (guǎi mài)! Abduction (guǎi mài)!”
…
When she said those words, many of the audience members burst into laughter!
“Abduction (guǎi mài)?
“Hahahahaha!”
“Aiyo, I’m dying of laughter!”
“Hahahahahahaha!”
“Teacher Shanshan is too good at this!”
“Their acting is so good!”
“This finale act does seem to be pretty good!”
“It’s only just started. Not much has been revealed yet. We still have to watch the rest of it to see if it’s any good.”
…
Meanwhile.
Backstage.
Ha Qiqi.
Zhang Zuo.
Little Wang.
The members of the production team.
The leaders of the production team.
Everyone was staring hard at the screen at this moment. Some of them were sweating. Some of them looked very nervous their extremities turned cold. Some of them felt their hearts leap into their throats. It looked like they were even more nervous than the trio performing on the stage. This was unavoidable as the finale act was simply too important!
They were all praying silently in their heads: This has to work! It must work!
Director Zhang!
Teacher Yao!
Teacher Shanshan!
It’s up to you three now!
Whether the Spring Festival Gala is a success or a failure all depends on this performance!