“Where’s the man?”
She raised a brow. “The man?”
“Yeah, the guy that’s taking care of you.”
She laughed. “Don’t you cut to the chase fast?”
I sheepishly smiled. “Sorry.”
“No, that’s alright.”
“What happened to that guy I last saw you with all those years ago? What was his name? Wasn’t it Mark?”
“Oh, yes, he was a great guy. Mark.” She drifted into her little zone at the name, and I knew she must still have a thing for him. “I really liked him, yeah. We lasted a good while.”
“What happened?”
“Jaxon happened,” she sighed heavily. “He refused to get along with him. It got real tense with them.”
My heart squeezed at the mention of his name, but I was also confused. “But he was away. How would that have affected you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Jaxon’s working overseas. At the time, anyway. How did he interfere from far away?”
Now it was her turn to give me a perplexed look. “Jaxon’s been here for three and a half years.”
Yeah, someone might as well have ripped my heart out. “What? He’s… here? In Gosnells?”
She gave me a single, slow nod. “Yes.”
My head suddenly hurt. I told myself to breathe through the anxiety again. He was in Gosnells? Why did you assume he wasn’t?
“So how is he then?” I practically whispered, holding my glass tightly around both hands.
“Jaxon’s…” She paused and pursed her lips again. “Well, Jaxon is Jaxon. He’s doing well for himself.”
I wanted to ask how well. And what he was doing. And where he lived exactly. And if he had moved on. And who with? But I gritted my teeth because knowing all this information might destroy me. Even after five years my heart was racing at just the mere mention of his name. Also didn’t help we were in the same exact town now.
“He’s… changed.” Lucinda sighed, heavy in thought. Something was wrong, and I think she wanted me to ask what so she could elaborate, but my fear held me back.
The loud sound of a motorcycle roaring down the street stirred me from my thoughts.
“Well, speak of the devil…” she muttered.
“What?”
I could hear the motorcycle approach a close distance to the house, and then it was roaring in the driveway. Speak of the devil? What did she…? Oh, no. Oh, fuck no.
“Is he here? Is that him?” I asked, my voice hysterically growing.
“Yeah, that’ll be him on his bike.”
Just like that the engine turned off, and the thought of him walking to the front door panicked the living hell out of me. I’d rather have been eating dog shit. Naked. On a stage. In front of thousands of people if it meant not seeing him.
I stood up abruptly, knocking the chair back, and said, “I can’t be here. I gotta go. Can I go through the back gate, please?”
Lucinda leaned over and grabbed me tightly around the wrist, looking up at me with what I would assume was a reassuring face. “It’s alright. You’ll be fine. Sit down, it’ll be fine.”
“No, no,” I shook my head quickly. “No, it won’t be fine. You don’t understand. I left him all those years ago and–”
“Hey, Mom!” The familiar sound of his voice nearly gave me a heart attack. I jumped, panic and adrenaline surging through my body like a current.
“Sit down,” Lucinda demanded, tugging me back down to the chair.
I reluctantly fell into the seat, and not because I wanted to, but because my fucking knees were too weak to support my body. I was shaking like the leaves on a tree in the wake of a storm. My impending storm was coming. He was in the house.
Lucinda told me she’d be right back and I helplessly watched her leave the gazebo and walk into the house. I balled my fists together, closed my eyes and breathed. My heart was hammering against my chest; my palms were stricken with cold sweat.
No, no, I’m not ready to see him. No, I can’t. I can’t.
I told myself to calm down, but how could I? I left him five years ago in the most horrible way and yet the pain felt as tangible as if it were yesterday. I held my breath so I could hear any noise coming from that house. But it was silent as death.
I felt ambushed. This was the last thing I expected to happen coming here. Worst case scenario had been seeing Lucinda – but never, ever this.
There were several more roaring motorcycles coming down the street, and they approached the driveway seconds later. More people. This was bad. Very bad. I wasn’t used to social situations. I could only handle a couple people at a time. Plus having to act normal around a bunch of people while seeing Jaxon for the first time in forever? Yeah, that was an impossible task I was going to likely fail.
Lucinda’s voice sounded through the sliding door. “Well, come on out and say hello. I’m waiting.”
I bit the inside of my lip until I tasted blood. And when I looked up at the sliding door… I saw him.
Thirteen
The world stood still. Everything happened in slow motion. I don’t even think I was in my own body to feel it. Numbness wore over like a blanket in time of need.
He was trailing behind Lucinda, and she was saying something to him that I couldn’t make out. My ears were ringing with the rush of my own blood and erratic heartbeats. He came out, and, my God, he was tall. Every time I imagined him, I’d forgotten how tall he was. My memory betrayed me, maybe tried to dull his appearance so the pain of our separation was easier to live with. Because the man who was walking to the gazebo to sit in the same vicinity as me was practically unrecognizable.
I recalled his body well, but he was twice the size he used to be. Broader, and wider, but narrow at the hips, he had the body of a warrior. Wearing casual jeans, a black top and an all-black leather jacket that hugged every inch of his upper body beautifully, he was beyond divine to look at. And his hair. My heart tugged in silent protest. He’d cut it off. It was short, maybe two inches past his scalp, but it brought out his features, tremendously emphasizing his cheek bones, square jaw, straight nose, and prominent blue eyes.
There was something different about him. I caught it immediately. This was, after all, the guy I grew up with and knew everything about. He had a hardness about him that sent shivers down my spine; the coldness was there in his face as clear as day. When his eyes landed on me, I wanted nothing more than to shrink into nothing to avoid the heat of them. He wasn’t the same person, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead on the spot.